Am i being selfish or is it ok to be scared?

Question

my oh has an 22mo son

his ex partner went a bit loopy with pnd after she gave birth and moved away leaving no forwarding address so my oh has never been able to have access to the baby however she has moved back locally recently and we bumped into her at the weekend she said that although she was back now shes managed on her own for nearly 2 yrs and doesnt want my oh to have access he has now taken legal action against her so that he can have access with his son which is great however the solicitor has said that we will have shared custody rights by the new year which means the son will be staying with us 3 nights a week which is great

the problem is i'm pregnant and the baby is due early march i dont have any other children and am obviously concerned that in 7 months time i'll have a baby and a step son who lives with us part time and i worried that i'm not gonna be a good stepmum because of the baby is this selfish?

Answer 1

I think these are natural worries to have, I don't think you are being selfish.  I do think you should discuss with your partner the type of parenting that will happen with your stepson - keep your rules consistent.

It is going to be a bit scary, but on the plus side, the stepson is still young, so should adjust a lot easier to these conditions than an older boy would.  And if you love your partner, then I'm sure it's worth the effort.

Answer 2

It's normal to be daunted by the prospect. I would be. Life is tough enough with a new baby without the added responsibility of a 2-year old as well. You sound well balanced about it all though, so I'm sure the two of you will cope as well as you can. It will be difficult initially, but things we ease as all of you get into a routine.

Answer 3

I want the name of your bf's lawyer.... 3 days and he's retained PT custody...?!!!!!

Answer 4

It's okay to be concerned, and you're being very thoughtful about the situation.  It's a valid fear - you want to be a good mother.  Expressing this concern means you probably will be a very good mother.  

Although not biologically your son, you'll be helping raise him half a week - and you're going to love him and your baby in different ways and for different reasons.  You're going to do just fine.

Answer 5

no of course its not selfish! u said ur worried ur not going to be a good step mum...this means u care about the wellbeing of the child! thr no doubt will be a different relationship between ur child and ur stepchild but dont worry once ur child is born u'll see how the two children get along and play and u'll learn to love them both

Answer 6

No its not aslong as you don't treat your son any different.. (favouritism)

Obviously you'l love you're son more but try not to show it.....you'l be fine.

You're partner will support you with this.