Am i being selfish?I don't usually have time for me, what's so wrong with claiming 2 days?

Question

I'm a 22 yr. old woman who lives with her parents ( never moved out, I'm going to school getting my degree this year, moving out next year) ANYWAY! For the last oooh...several monthes me and my mother have been bickering almost constantly, which is not common because she's my very best friend. I'm interning at a gallery which takes up about 3 afternoons (some evenings ) a week, my family just got new puppies (they're adorable) and I have an amazing boyfriend who I'm completly in love with ( moving in together next year)....

and I'm about to have a nervous breakdown! My mother is constantly critising me for some reason, lately because I've been so absent. We spent 2 hours fighting the other night because I'm the one that's being emotional, and selfish. Apparently ignoring my responsibilities at home and trying to make my boyfriend happy over my family. We've been dating a year, and now I barely get to see him twice week, and i see him because it's those two times in a normal week that i'm stress free and happy, most people have weekends, I have S****y dog doo everywhere, a remodeling job in my room, and I haven't even started the semester yet!

Now my mother is calling me selfish because I won't give up a day with boyfriend this week to get my room done.

I understand completly if I'm taking up room in their house with my extra stuff stashed everywhere, but what can i do? i work most of tommorow, i was planning on seeing him after and spending the day with him thursday, if give up thursday, i get what? 4 hours inside of a week with him? that's not a relationship. the night my mom and i were fighting (mostly me crying about disappointing everyone i know and not liking myself) My mom told me i needed to make myself happy and not worry about other people anymore, and that's what i'm doing, is that selfish?

and to note, i thanked them and i'm doing an enormous amount of work to remodel to, plus i told her i would work the rest of the week (half of wednesday,half of friday, saturday and sunday) to sort through everything....what more can i do i feel so stressed?!

Answer 1

Your not being selfish and do the best that you can do.  You might want to ask the boyfriend to come over and help you with some of the remodeling, after all your not a 16 year old teenager and your planning on moving in with him so why not invite him to come over and help.  Then your spending time with all who love you.  Good Luck

Answer 2

It kind of sounds like your mom is trying to give you the "push" to get you to hurry up and get out. You probably have a year left to go in college.

Then only thing you can control is yourself. Your mom is tired of having a mess in the house.

Invite your BF home for dinner so he can hang out with you and your parents (he needs to get used to this anyway).

Recruit your BF to help you get your room finished... at least minimally.

See if you can cut back at the gallery since you are not getting paid... or at least see if you can turn that into a paying gig. If it is a JOB, your mom won't have anything to say.

If you have stuff stashed everywhere, consider renting a storage closet, or getting some of those "space bags" and stowing the excess clothing in the garage when it is out of season.

You don't just move in with the BF... you at least go down to the courthouse for a civil ceremony followed by a cake and punch reception at your parents' house... easy-peasy. You are a good girl and you deserve some respect.

Answer 3

you sound like a great person. you seem to have a lot on your plate and your mom is just making things worse by making you feel guilty. just tell her that you are happy when you're with your boyfriend. let her know how much stress you're under and that your boyfriend helps you relax and destress. if she doesn't get it, there's nothing you can do to convince her otherwise. but if she doesn't get it, you shouldn't care, you are old enough to do what you please, so tell her to stop interfering in your relationship with your boyfriend. if you want you should have your boyfriend help you out with the remodeling, it can be more fun to have him with you, the time will seem to go faster, and you can get more done with a second person. good luck!