Am i looking for faults in my husband?

Question

it's seems my husband is always addicted to somthing rather its somethin as simple as poker or golf or more serious like drugs or p**n the latest worry is pills some perscibed to him perhaps some not i dont have proof 100% yet but im to the piont that i have asked him whats going on we dont have a bad life together but he is completly uninvolved with us socialy we dont go to the park , family gatherings are few between we dont comunicate very well he dont talk not about good or bad sometimes i feel like roomates that get along well any advice on how to help him with another poss. addiction and help our relationship at the same time or am i just trying to find fault when there is none?

Answer 1

Sit down and make a list of his likes. then  your likes. go from there.

Answer 2

well your definitely looking for faults because you found them.  Fault can be found anywhere with anything.  what do you do?  Put up or shut up!  Leave him for better or until things start happening that you dont like.  idk, i am single and i just let roommates and friends do what they want because i know it's not going to destroy my life but your spouse effects u as well.  Being single i would die for a female roommate that i get along with and have s*x with occasionally

be thankful for what you do have and try to improve things but move slow.  Any abrupt moves and hes gonna get mad and retaliate and there goes your marriage

Answer 3

It depends if you're over exaggerating his supposed addictions or are they for real? If he's devoting more time to doing these activities than his family or letting them get in the way of living a normal life, then yes, he is addicted and whatever he is addicted to shouldn't be played down.

You can offer your support, but he has to help himself and try to change for the better and get involved in his relationship and his life instead of devoting his time to overindulging in random hobbies all day or harmful behavior. It's up to him to change and all you can do is make him aware of what he's doing, but he has to be the one that takes action to help or stop it. Tell him how these activities have gotten in the way of your relationship and you can't live with being put behind something to he just indulges in because you deserve better than that. Though it's up to him to really listen and strive for change, you can't do that for him. Hopefully his marriage means more to him then some pills, or poker or golf.

Good luck.

Answer 4

If the guy has a history of addictions, then it isn't so much that you are looking for faults... your just WAITING for the rug to be pulled out from under you AGAIN.  

Keep your guard up, and use the three strikes rule...

ML

Answer 5

The ONLY thing that stands out in your question is that you don't communicate well.  Why is that?  That's your problem.  So your husband has some addictive tendencies which a lot of people do.  The thing is that you should be able to talk to him about this.  Have you considered a major sit down talk instead of avoiding the huge elephant in the room?  That could just go on for years & you'll always feel disconnected from him.  

Answer 6

Maybe you should ask what's wrong but when you ask be prepared to listen whether it is what you want to hear or not. If he had an addition in the past doesn't mean he currently does that's just the first thing most people would assume instead of doing some digging and finding out besides most addictions steam from other problems as well.