Am i right to be upset?

Question

I went shopping for my wedding dress yesterday and i took my Mum and my Grandmother with me. They didn't seem excited at all about it while we were travelling to the shop, but i figured they would perk up when we got there. However all through the trying on of the dresses they both just sat there, and whenever i came out with a dress on the just said 'nice' or 'ugh i don't like that one'. Now i didn't expect tears or anything but it would have been nice for my MOTHER to have at least said 'you look lovely' or something like that. I know that some of the dresses i tried on looked amazing on me, but they acted like i was trying on jeans!!

This has really upset me, if they are like this with my dress which is supposed to be the most important part, what are they going to be like when it comes to the smaller stuff like flowers or whatever. I know they won't be as excited as me about the wedding but they could at least show some interest. I have 2 daughters and i know that when they get married i'll be so excited to help them, and do the normal mother of the bride stuff. My mum is going to 2 other weddings before mine and she seems more interested about these, even though one of them is just 'a friend of a friend'.

I am really upset about this, it feeels like they couldn't care less about their only daughters wedding.

Am i overreacting or should i tell them how much they have hurt me?

Thanks.

Answer 1

I would expect nothing less than a "Wow you look beautiful" from a mother or a grandmother, but that's just me. If it upset you than you should talk to them and get it off your chest, this is family not just an acquaintance. Let them know how you feel.

Answer 2

Tell them in a straight forward way that you feel upset that they are not interested in your wedding and that you wanted them to get involved because they are important persons in your life.  Then, once you get it off your chest, continue with your wedding preparations to make a wonderful day for you and your partner.  Focus on your partner and kids as these are your top priority.  Dont let other people ruin your happiness.

Answer 3

I don't think you're overreacting, I would be upset if my mom and grandmother did that to me. Did you tell them how hurt you were about it?

Answer 4

If you are looking at a traditional white wedding dress, they may feel that since you already have kids, it is inappropriate.  I think it is wonderful and very appropriate but from their generation, maybe not.  Back then, it was seen as worn to show virginity, purity.  Now a days it does not matter but to them, it may.  

Have a wonderful wedding and a happy marriage.  Congratualtions!

Answer 5

Weddings are blessings and don't get me wrong, I got similiar responses from both sides of the family; however with your case, you are already "married".  Been together for 7 years and 2 kids, that might be some of the reaosn why it isn't a "big hype".

Even though it hurts, but it does happen time to fime in some families (friend got married and that is what her mom/siblings told her as she was with the guy for 5 years with a little girl and one on the way).

If that has nothing to do with it, possibly they are just not "shoppers?"

Wanting to wish you a happy marriage and have a fun wedding day.

Answer 6

Getting married is the biggest mistake you can ever make, they're probably just upset at seeing you going through it. It only ever ends in divorce, arguments and upset so why bother?

Ask yourself this question. If someone really loves you and you love them, why do you need to go through a fake, superficial ceremony to prove it?  

Answer 7

You have a right to be upset even if your mother/grandmother aren't  very emotional people they should aleast show some emotion as this is very important event in there daughter/granddaughter life.If it's not your fiance  they have a problem with then its something because if its like what you said and mum is excited about the other two weddings.Talk to them but word it careful as you dont want make it worse although it wouldn't be your fault it would be there problem. Is the dress  white /cream/ivory etc if so could  they have old fashion values and think you shouldn't be  a traditional bride  and wear white and that's why they didnt show any emotion.Good luck  and have a great wedding

Answer 8

I think the problem is that you have been living with your man for 7 years and in their eyes they may think that after 2 kids its not worth getting married.

I understand how you feel but doing things in the order you have done them kinda switches priorities in a marriage.

I would just go with what you want and plan your wedding yourself my friend was in the same position as you as her mother refused to have anything to do with the wedding as she could not be bothered and offered to look after the grandchildren on the day !

Sorry but parents have this old fashioned idea that kids come after a wedding and not before.

Show your mother and grandmother that you can be independant and just send them an invitation once all the arrangements have been made.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Hi.  Hmmmmm.....I don't know.  YES, I would be upset.  My first thought with reading the question was...."I guess they don't like her fiance," but now I see (in your additional details) that they do like him.

Well.....here are my thoughts as a "mum" myself.  PLEASE don't everyone go and give me a zillion thumbs down....it's only my opinion......

Does your mother and grandmother have old-fashioned ideas?  It is really hard for me to grasp getting super excited for my daughter that has been basically living as a married couple (with 2 kids)....and then go into the "blushing bride" mode.  I don't know.  I am thinking that this is how they are feeling.  I am SURE that they are excited and happy for you....but perhaps less happy with the "big white wedding" after you have been living together as a family for 7 years.

So.......I would come right out and ASK your mother.  "Mum.....I felt very sad the other day when I was trying on dresses and you and grandmum didn't seem happy or excited for me.  Is there a reason?"  I would come right out and ask....then you will get your answer, hopefully.

Answer 10

If you feel that the dress is supposed to be the most important part, were you trying on dresses that were a little over the top? They might have been trying to get you to change the style entirely. That being said, yes, you have a right to be upset, because even if that's what they were doing it's incredibly rude of them.

Answer 11

Yeah I think you have the right to be upset. My mum is the type who cares about nothing unless its about herself. She has the best of everything...the flashy house, car, job, clothes...etc. She cares too much about her classy life style to be even close to interested in the most special day of my life. I was really hurt too when I tried on dresses. The difference between me and you is that my mother didn't even take the time to show up for my fitting. I was so upset. I cried for ages. I would have understood if she was at work or something but it was her day off and she was out shopping. I made the appointment for when I knew she was available too. I know that if it were my daughter, I would want to share these special moments with her and at least show her my love and support.  I don't think you are overreacting at all. I'm sorry you feel hurt, its supposed to be a happy time for you and other people are getting in the way of that.  

Answer 12

That is sweet of you to have your mother & grandmother pick out wedding dresses with you instead of your gal friends... I'm sorry to hear that they don't seem interested... I can understand your grandma, maybe she feels old & tired, i dunno... but your mom should be excited for you... I know my mom doesn't show it much, but when I don't talk to her about my wedding plans she comes up and asks me for updates every once in awhile...

Maybe you should talk to your mom? Tell her how you felt... be honest...

Good luck!

Answer 13

Don't take them with you the next time you go to the dress shop.

You could say it'll be a nice surprise for her on your big day.

Could you take a friend instead?

Answer 14

Oh! I feel your pain. My mom, who is usually supportive and loving, has criticized everything I've done for my wedding. I made the pew bows and she commented that they weren't big enough. I made flower girl wands and she said they weren't sparkly enough and so on. This almost pushed me over the edge to tears. I'm not usually a crier but I just want her to say, "Oh, I really like that" or "Isn't that darling?!" At this point, I don't even care if she's lying I would just like some encouragement from her. My solution has been to stop showing her stuff until the wedding and when she asks I tell her it's to be a surprise.

In your case, the damage is done with the dress so I wouldn't bring it up but prepare yourself future "it's not sparkly enough" comments. And for what it's worth, I'm sure you looked lovely in your dresses!

Answer 15

Yes, you have a little reason to be upset.  However, you've played house with this man for seven years and have two children.  They probably already feel you're married.  But, you should still sit down and talk to your mother about this incident.  Tell her how hurt you feel, and wonder why she isn't happy for you, nor helped you with your dress.  Tell her this is your one and only special day.  

Answer 16

Does it matter??

I mean ok it would have been nice for your Mum to be excited but is that going to stop you wanting to marry your fiance??

I didn't think so...

Answer 17

You are right to be upset.  I bought my dress via ebay and when I tried it on for the first time my mum cried...so you are right, it was strange.

I`d ask her about it and what her issues are.  If there is a problem i`d take a good girlfriend with you next time or a bridesmaid, and try on the `wow` dresses again with a different opinion.

Good luck

Answer 18

It's not worth getting upset over how other people react or don't react.  You can't control what they do--only what you do.  Who knows what's going on with them?  Maybe they had a big argument before they went shopping with you.  Maybe they're not emotional people, or already consider you married.  Don't worry about how they react or don't react.  Don't let anything interfere with you enjoying your special day!

Answer 19

mom and her mom seem to be two peas of a pod. Learn from them and don't become them... good luck with your wedding.. better luck with your daughter's weddings.

Answer 20

I'm thinking that you just didn't find 'The Dress' which they thought would be best for you. Moms and Grandmas are supposed to tell the truth - you REALLY wouldn't have wanted them just to gush and lie about something as important as choosing a dress.

Did you try any one which were more on the traditional side, or were you all into the princessy ones? Maybe something like that would have made a difference in their reactions.

Oh, I just read the additional details to your question. Maybe it's because you'll just be getting a simple white or other colored dress instead of a full wedding gown, that it dampened their spirits a bit.

Answer 21

Is it anything to do with your fiancee? Do they think you have made a wrong choice? They should have been more positive and you have every right to be peeved.......You asked our opinion, it is your problem if you do not like it.

Answer 22

It depends.  If they are the kind of people who are normally animated and excited about things and show it outwardly, then yes, you should be upset.  If they are reserved people who don't show emotions, then no.

I would imagine that wedding dress shopping should be a lovely experience with your mom and grandmother.  But it sounds like their heads just weren't into it.  Rather than stewing on it too much, I think that you should plan another outing without them and mention to them that you are going and when they ask if they should come, be honest and say "well you didn't seem that excited the time before so I just presumed that you didn't want to go"  

If their attitudes don't pick up quickly, then I wouldn't have them come along and I would go to these things either alone or with some of your girlfriends.  Or your daughters!  I'm sure they'd love to see mommy all dressed up like a princess!  

Good luck!

Answer 23

well..it depends. Does your mom like your fiance? if not then you cant expect her to be excited. has your mom ever been married? could it be jelousy? there may b a list of reasons y your mom and grandmotehr are acting this way. and yes i think you should be a little concerned and upset as to why they arent showing the slightest interest in you marriage arrangements. i mean you ARE her daughter

Answer 24

Stop talking about the wedding to either of them, except for a few updates like:dress bought, flowers bought, things like that, but no more detail than that. Grab your bridesmaids and maid of honor to help you with things. Hopefully, your mom and grandma will start getting interested, and when they ask why you haven't included them, tell them that they didn't seem excited so you decided not to bother them about it.  

Answer 25

I agree with sentiment of a couple of the other answers that seeing as your are living with your boyfriend and have two kids, your mom probably sees it more as a formality and less of a "OMG my little girl is growing up" type of event.

Answer 26

Not all women get excited and emotional about weddings...I don't...it does seem like they were insensitive though...I  think I would have faked it for you if I knew you were the type who gets emotional. But dont let it spoil anything for you...it's a thing that is for YOU you cant expect everyone to come on your journey.