Am i screwed in life ? ?

Question

can i ever achieve my ambitious goals and life i want ?

im sorry if it seems like im whinning but im genuinly worried, ive never had nothing i want and have missed out greatly on everything virtually.

how am i supposed to cope and manage ?

and being far away from my goals and ambitions in life ?

i feel so full of aggression, bitterness, resentment about the way my lifes turned out.

normal things have never happened to me because so many tragic things have happened to me.

time in jail, a criminal record - time in a psychiatric hospital for 18 months - a history of rage and aggression outbursts - suffered severe bullying and abuse throughout my life - being homeless for 12 months. head injuries in a street attack.......mental and psychological abuse.......physical assaults........muggings.

ive been fckd over left, right and centre - i feel society has a negative view of me - everywhere i go people seem to treat me aloofly - rejecting of me ..

i get patronised , spoken down to, belittled......i feel ostracised and alienated from mainstream society......like nobody cares and people want me to fail.

i feel people either somehow know about my past or remember from my public rage outburst when i used to lash out at people......lose it badly.....knock people over......cause myself to get attacked, publically embarressed.........cautioned by the police etc.

ive been extremely luck not to finish up in big trouble - i never planned those rage attacks they just used to take me over whilst out in public - id see people and get jealous of their lives as what i percieved as ' happy ' and ' perfect '..

feel threatened by other men looking at me......feel singled out by people then i would just end up losing it completley....like a build up of tension.

even though ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd i think sometimes by symptoms could be intermittent explosive disorder.

basically my lifes been ruined all my life - i now live alone in a 1 bedroom flat on disability - i own nothing except an old computer.

i have a skin problem on the head of my p***s im waiting to hear from with a dermatologist ( cracked broken skin covering the head part )

torn ankle ligaments due to an injury years ago, ive had a scan , was told it will take time to heal......waiting for physio.

joints and ligaments that are weak, and protest against minimal excercise , also my joints seem to easily ' move out of place '...

a crooked little finger that droops over due to an injury that wont straiten.

damaged nerves in my knuckle through punching a wall years ago, i can use it normally , but was told nothing can be done to heal it...........its in my right hand..

ive had an assesment for group therapy at a psychotherapy centre that occured the other day.......i have to wait to see if they can offer me a service........have to wait weeks.

meanwhile my lifes empty, lonely, isolated and dull.......i feel everybody is rejecting me.....because everybody continues to be aloof to me.

Answer 1

Hmm well maybe not doing anything criminal would help! Maybe you wouldn't have gone to jail then? and maybe if you hadn't gone to jail it would be easier for you to get a job and you wouldn't have been homeless.

Maybe if you could control your rage who wouldn't be crazy

Answer 2

I think you should move to America. It really is the land of opportunities!

Everyone gives to people in your situation and a problem is a blessing here. If you have no problems society hates you, the more problems you have the more rich fat chicks cling to you and feed you in their little coastal cottages. So you should come to America where we have even more disability checks. and all things physical pass, the body always heals. i believe in karma completely, and bad for every bad thing in the world there is a good. If so many things have happened to you, only the best is in the future! and whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, so you must be a very strong person. If you write a book about it in America and sold each copy for $15, you would make $15 million dolors. We love sad stories and you seem to be very articulate and truthful, you don't rosy it up at all. You tell it like it is with no mercy, so write a book, sell it in America and you'll have enough money to marry whoever you want if they marry you first.

Answer 3

I don't know how old you are. When I was young I had many problems similar to your own. However I don't think I had it as bad as you may... I felt completely hopeless.. Watching friends and other people have a seemingly happy life while I was miserable. I wanted to end it. I couldn't see how it could get better, but I sucked it up and just kept going. I can't say that even now my life is happy. It still seems that I cannot achieve what I want, even though I'm not asking much. But I can say that my life has improved. I at least feel that I have control. I don't make the right decisions, but I see that my life could still get better. And I am glad that I am here in this messed up life, because even though I have had many bad experiences, the good ones were worth hanging in there for. This may not be much help to you, but maybe it will help you to know that there are others who feel the same way. Just suck it up and hope it gets better. Weed helps a lot too. Helps me to realize that the things that bother me aren't that big of a deal.... good luck  

Answer 4

If you take a step back for a minute and see that you're still here, it's obvious that life has a plan for you, as it does with everyone.  The most important yet most difficult thing to do for yourself is to not become these issues and to see past them.  Once you start excepting the fact that your life sucks, then you've lost and your life will continue to suck, making it even harder for you to see hope in the future.  Whether they are tramatic moments in ones life, or simple small issues, they all effect us and the way we feel and think.  There is so much living proof in this world that life will turn around for you.  What you're experiencing, someone has got it worse, and even though it still never solves anything for you personally for seeing it that way, it's the truth and you should consider yourself a very lucky man to have the privalage of being alive.  Most people would've cracked by now, but you're still standing, and whether its a day, a week, a month, or a year, you will be rewarded for your efforts.  I know it sounds like I'm being religious, but in actuality, I'm far from it, I just know from personal experience.  Also, nothing is ever handed to us, happiness is never handed to us.  In order to be happy with everything around us, we have to be happy with ourselves.  Set a goal for yourself, make yourself feel like you're gaining something through all of this.  I believe that through those moments, you will discover that things are meant to be in a funny way, and when you put the pieces together, they also oddly fall into place.

i wish you the best of luck with everything.  there is a whole world out there for you only, and it's up to you whether or not to make somethign happen of it.  I have major depression issues, and what I sometimes do is get so depressed I just say f*ck it, lets make the most of things, and if something bad happens, what do I really have to loose.  You have only opprotunity to gain from life, so try and make the most of it, it'll pay off, i promise.

As far as  what you listed below, i feel you're a lot closer than you think.  Are you married? Do you have kids? Do you have to rely on someone else to bath you, dress you, feed you in order to survive?  If you've answered no these, then congratulations, you're already on yor way to making your dreams a reality.

Answer 5

I'm sorry but I'm going to be tough here if you want something in this world you have to get off your bum and go for it ok we all have issues but where we would anyone get if we kept on making excuses in life ? If your depressed go to the Doctors and they can give you medication for it but seriously you have one life and your wasting it moaning don't moan about it go and do it ! Nothing we or anyone else for that matter do will ever make a difference to you the only thing that'll make a difference is either a massive wake up call or yourself I challenge you to go to a not so well of country and make a difference. How about you do volunteer work for Oxfam that might change your perspective on things.

Answer 6

Who ever diagnosed you with borderline is 100% right. You are empty and angry, and the only person that can help is right there....thats YOU!

All that anger and rage...I'd bet on Bipolar disorder.

It also sounds like you have rejected the very system in place to help you (mental health). Probably because "they" didn't fix your life for you. As for Europe, has moving ever helped you feel better???   The good old geographic cure. I've never heard of it working.

When and IF you ever deciede you really want your life to be differrent, and I mean REALLY, then go to your local mental health agency and ask for a refferal to a DBT outpatient program.

It's gonna be 10% medication and 90% HARD WORK on your part. There are a million people willing to support you, but you have to want help and take responsibility and own your mental health.

Answer 7

I'm sorry things aren't going well for you.

Seeing things clearly exactly how they are now is the first step.

You have learned one of the 4 Noble Truths; That life is full of suffering.

There is also a way out of suffering; Following the 8-fold path:

http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourt...

Your horrible life experiences have given you a lot of wisdom that you could pass on to someone who needs you one day.

Here are some good ideas:

1. Do something that gets your heart rate up a bit like, walking, running, biking, and swimming.

2. Eat Whole, Organic foods like: Broccoli, Cabbage, Organic Brown Rice, Beans, Spinach, Sweet Potato, Apples, and other fruits and vegetables in their Natural State.

3. Avoid eating corn, white bread, white rice, white potatoes, candy, sodas, chips, and anything else that you already know you shouldn’t be eating.

4. Drink clean water as your beverage of choice. Avoid Fruit drinks and fruit juices (unless YOU juice them yourself)

5. Stop smoking, drinking beer & wine, and drinking coffee.

6. Get 8 hours of sleep each night.

7. Hang out with people who want to be healthy.

8. Avoid anything with High Fructose Corn Syrup.

9. Look into taking a multi-vitamin.

10. Check out this website for excellent health advice:

http://www.naturalnews.com/

Tone up the muscles:

1. Join a gym and get a trainer.

2. If you’re short on cash, start a light stretching & yoga regimen.

3. Do push-ups, and light dumbbell curls for the upper body.

4. As I said above, walk, run, swim, and or bike

5. Take an aerobics class, a yoga class, or some other fitness class.

6. Join the local YMCA.

7. Buy or borrow this book by Bill Pearl called GETTING STRONGER.

In the book, he describes everything you need for a great fitness plan.

8. Crunches & Curl ups for the abs.

Mental Health:

1. Get a friend to talk to each day about your feelings.

2. If you have some money or insurance, get a counselor to talk to.

3. Learn how to meditate.

4. Join a support group for the issue you’re dealing with.

5. Ask your Higher Self (or God) for guidance.

6. Start keeping a diary or journal about your feelings & thoughts.

7. Write a ‘gratitude’ list every night.

8. Do something that makes you happy each day like: listen to your favorite music, draw, paint, write, or anything creative.

9. Do something for someone else who needs help.

10. If the above suggestions don't improve your mental health, talk with your therapist about the possibility of taking some medication.

11. Check out the book FEELING GOOD by David Burns.

Take care of yourself

Yam King

PS,

I like your fantasy of living in Europe with a loving woman. I suggest you spend some time each day visualizing that and asking your God or Higher Power to give you that or something better.

Answer 8

I was where you are a year ago. Dropped out of school, depressed, hating myself. I felt stuck which is how I imagine your feeling now. Everyone around you seems to be upwardly mobile while your still trying to figure out what happened to you? I totally understand, but Life is what you make it. If your still breathing (meaning your not dead) Your never too old to change... The hard part is finding out where to start. It seems like everything is so screwed up, you wouldnt know where to begin.

What are your thoughts on religion?

Ive never had as much peace and joy in my life than I do now that Ive found God. It seems to me that society doesnt matter, people dont matter and  self pitty isnt an option. Im bigger than that, your bigger than that.  Theres some reason why your still here. Your assualts and muggings could have turned deadly but they didn't. If you have free time on your hands,and your not up on reading the bible, you should read..."The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren.  

Answer 9

whats stopping you from going to your european coastal town?? I don't know about you, but I know that I feel judged a lot, but I realized that I judge too. Maybe thats why I feel like others are judging me. You can never change others, but you can always change yourself, reinvent yourself. You are your only obstacle in the way of your dreams. If you don't achieve what you want in life, its because you got in the way of yourself. You don't need much in life to be happy. Go with what little you have and live a modest, honorable life and find a woman that makes you happy, not one that makes you look good, and enjoy life.

You really seem to have a lot to say. Maybe you should be a writer??

Answer 10

I like you,

but i'm not sure you're ever going to find the answer you want.

I've seen you on here every day, asking questions every day, the same things every day.

You never get the answer you want, and i often wonder if you will ever find that answer.

I'm not sure what you want us to tell you.

You have a chance in life, but you have to take it. If you live your life in such a negative mindset, you will never get out and do the things you want to do.

Life is about living, whatever you've been through.

By unearthing everything you've been through every day you are doing nothing but reliving these experiences, reliving the pain, and the hurt and the bitterness that resides within you in response to those things.

We all go through awful things in our life, you and i included, but you have to move on from them.

If you don't move on, then you will never achieve your goals. You cannot expect everything to come to you - because thats not the way life works. You have to work for the things you want in life, like everyone else.

People may be aloof towards you, but people don't understand variety in life, and they don't understand that some people just need a friendly face to get them through. Some people are cruel, but we're not all the same, and you need to realise that.

All the people who answer your questions on here every day, answer them nicely, aren't like the way you seem to think people are.

People judge you by what you do, how you act, how you put yourself across. Have you ever considered that perhaps after years of abuse and hurt you have gotten to the point where you yourself act in a certain way which makes people look at you strangely?

You have to take a good look at yourself, evaluate yourself, look at the way you talk - the way you look at people, and work out whether it is the way you are acting which is making people avoid you.

You can achieve everything you want to, if you work for it.

So stop caring what everyone else thinks, or the way they look at you. YOU can get free IT courses in Britain, the government will help you achieve those goals. They want you to achieve those goals, they don't want you on disability for your whole life.

You have those chances. It's about researching it, picking up the phone and ringing your local college and saying "I want to do this course, because i can".

If you work hard, and you treat people in the way they should treat you, then your life will change.

The longer you sit in your home on this computer talking to people like us, the longer you aren't getting anywhere in life.

You won't meet nice people if you don't get out there and do something.

Go to this website, this would be a good start. Even if it's not what you want to do initially, taking a math or english course will get you some qualifications, and get you closer to taking that computer course afterwards. It'd give you something positive to focus on, it would give you a reason to go out, a reason to meet people, a goal.

Do it, because you are worth so much more. Stop sitting around on here asking the same questions every day. You will only be screwed in life if you don't take the steps you should do to ensure you won't be screwed in life. No one will do it for you, so pick up the phone and do it yourself :)

http://geton.direct.gov.uk/

Answer 11

yeah i can see why ur depressed.  I think u need to be in therapy these are serious issues.

Answer 12

you made me grow in the brain and talk with grow in the brain  

Answer 13

Well, you have a computer and internet access.... u cant be in very bad shape.

Answer 14

You feel sorry for yourself.

But I want to tell you that if you have been around the world and seen the suffering and the meager resources families struggle to get by with you might realise that feeling sorry for yourself is a luxury.

We define luxury as fancy cars and big houses. Are you eating? Does a roof cover your head at night? Do you got shoes to put on your feet when you walk out the door?

You think this is bullshit,but it's reality for  half of the population in the world.

Take your life and use it to do good for somebody or something. Do something selfless for the sake of making a contribution.

Leave England? Do you know how many people would give their left nut to be in England?  Girls giving themselves up for a shot at a British passport and pounds in their pocket.

Anyhow, what it comes down to is that nobody is going to love you until you can learn to love yourself.

Volunteer, travel by bus , open your heart and try to be a little more optimistic.