Am i short tempered and ungrateful because i was adopted?

Question

even as a teenager i remember being a brat to my parents. now i find that i am the same way with my fiance. i just expect things to be my way and i dont know why. i get angry easily and people think i am spoiled. i just want to be wanted and loved

Answer 1

I am going to be a bit harsh here, simply because i have had a bad day.....or maybey its because I am adopted......................NOT.

Why do so many people blame the way they are on adoption? Fair dos if you had a bad experience and you can actually remember being passed about alot etc, but if you had a good adoption then I dont understand at all.

Havent you ever thaught that it might just be your personality?  

I want to be wanted and loved too....join the line lady. Its a natural instinct.

Sorry If I sound like a cow, but it just irritates me how people get through life blaming things on their adoption.

Answer 2

It may be - it may not be.

I lean towards the 'may be' - as I have similar feelings at times.

Good on you for searching out the reasons why and for doing some inner searching work.

Read 'Primal Wound' by Nancy Verrier - I found it very eye opening - and related greatly to how she described adoptees behavior.

It could be because - as an adoptee - you had no control over your adoption - and now you want to control everything - to make up for it.

Talking to other adoptees has also been helpful to me - to find others that have similar feelings - it's very validating - and it's made me search more within myself - and find the answers I needed.

A great on-line support forum for adoptees can be found here - http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Don't be too hard on yourself. You're searching for answers - that's got to be a good thing.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 3

Good that you recognize your problem.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you being adopted as much as it was of you being the center of your parents' universe since you were wanted so much. You are probably spoiled and used to getting things because of this.

Now stop it... you are an adult. Everyone wants to be wanted and loved. It sounds like you want things without reciprocating anything (like respect). If you want to alienate people and feel alone, by all means, keep doing what you are doing. It's a good way to be unwanted and unloved if you keep treating people like that.

Answer 4

I was not adopted and acted like a spoiled brat to my parents as well.  My  mom now says its because I was a spoiled brat!

Answer 5

I understand about wanting to be wanted and loved.  Everyone wants that.  But, how we each handle that desire makes a huge difference in our relationships.  Demanding it doesn't work.  

I get the feeling that you may put a lot of emphasis on your relationship, to the point where you may not do enough to develop yourself.  Perhaps some counseling and self-searching is something you should pursue.  Get to the source of your anger and learn how to handle it.  

You asked if being adopted could have something to do with your issues.  Maybe.  For example, do you feel you are extra fearful of being abandoned?  This is an issue adoptees experience at a higher level than non-adopted persons.  Fear of abandonment is also linked to the issues you are discussing.  

I don't know, as I don't know you.  I can only go by what you are saying and from my own observations and life.  

BTW, do not listen to the first person who talked about how you should being grateful your parents picked you and all that yada yada.  Such ideas are false and meritless.

Answer 6

I don't know are you?----Seriously, I felt at times they way you do. But I finally had to take the bull by it's horn, so to speak. I had to find within myself a reason to love and be loved. Search deep down and you will find the strength and a reason to love and for someone to love you.

Answer 7

adoption could have something to do with it...or it could just be your temperment.  many people (myself included) tend to be very short fused.  

also, wanting to love and be loved comes from within.  i strongly suggest that if you are having some difficulty in establishing healthy relationship that you speak with a therapist who's sensitive to adoptee issues.  good luck.

also, please don't listen to those who think you should be "grateful" for being chosen... h**l, you're not a "doggie in the window."

Answer 8

i was adopted at four days old.i never got along with my adopted mom,but i loved my dad very much.i was a terrible child.noone told me i was adopted until i was 15,but i overheard some talking about it.i was very rebellious and still am.i also want my way.i was spoiled by my dad,but i am 60 years old now,and all my life i looked for love and peace of mind.i had abusive husbands and finally five years ago found a man who i know loves me.i actually know i am loved.i never felt that before except by my dad and children.i am not real happy because i have severe depression that does not get much better with medication.i am mean and awful sometimes to this man that does nothing wrong to deserve this.i scream about everything so everybody can hear me.i dislike most people especially women.i wish i could help you,i wish i could be happy but never really am.God Bless and good luck.

Answer 9

You sound like you have a root of rejection that can only be weeded out by the love of God. I was not adopted, but my mother had me at an old age, and after she already had 17 kids, so she was unable to care for me due to health reasons for a long time. I think it left me feeling rejected in some ways. At around 5 my sister got tired of raising me, then mom stepped in, I felt like I lost the only mom I knew. This can stay with you for your whole life. Maybe your trying to control what you can now in your life, because you couldn't when you were given away.

Answer 10

You should realize that being adopted means your were chosen not an accident like a lot of us who truly weren't wanted.  Yes, you should be grateful that your adopted parents chose you.  Maybe they weren't strict enough because they wanted you so badly?  Hard to know from here.

You should want to be wanted and loved.  But it is also good to know when you are and to appreciate it.  Sometimes love means compromising and holding back your temper for small issues.

Answer 11

I would like to see more answers because I feel the same way. I'm 30,and for all my life I've thought I was OK being adopted,but now as my third divorce is on the horizon I'm thinking something must be wrong with me.

Answer 12

If it makes you feel better...I am exactly the same way - and I was not adopted.  I think everyone reacts to certain situations differently.  Could your adoption have something to do with it?  Yes.  But could you have had the same issues even if you were not adopted?  Yes also.  

Have you tried talking to a counselor?

Answer 13

No. It's a character flaw. You're just being a spoiled brat.

Answer 14

It probably is related. Check out a book called Primal Wound Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier.

It will probably give you a good understanding of why you expect things to be your way - or else....

also come check out https://www.adultadoptees.org for some support.

Answer 15

It's a possibility but not a definite as many people have the same characteristic flaws that aren't adopted.  I can't say for sure what you feel or why the way you are. Perhaps, if adoption is the cause for your short-temper you feel that you deserve to have everything your way because of what you lacked in other parts of your life.  Maybe it's the exact opposite that you feel that if you're too demanding you can turn people away from you before they can get too close to you.  There is a bunch of underlying issues that it 'could' be...

If you recognize it though, step back & do something about it.  If you choose to accept that is just how you are then accept the fact that people think you're a brat.  If you want to change the way you come off to other people, start within.

Answer 16

just because you were adopted dosnt meen you shouldnt feel love you were adopted because you were loved