Am i wrong to be mad?

Question

I am 31 weeks pregnant and my boyfrind/ soon to be father just told me that he is going to be leaving next week for 6 weeks to go help him uncle remodel his house. Now my doctors all told me that i am most likely going to deliver early, and i told him if he goes that i will not be here for him when he gets back. He told me that i am over reacting cuz he is safe to go as long as he is back by my due date, but i told him i can go anytime. Am i wrong for feeling upset, or is it just the hormones?

Answer 1

i would be mad also.  It is his uncle.  I think his uncle should understand and put it off a few weeks

Answer 2

It depends on how far away he is and how quick he can get back.

But it is pretty stupid of him and selfish of his uncle to ask him to help with a remodel when he's about to become a father.

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Freaking ITALY???  NO that's BS.  I'd be livid.  He's going to risk missing the birth of his child to remodel a house in italy for 6 weeks....that's ridiculous....and I'd kick his A$$!

If this is your first child...statistically the first births are usually late...but that's not 100% I have a friend that went into labor at 36 weeks for her first and her second...totally normal babies...just early.  She's really tiny.

I think that's totally irresponsible of him and rude of his uncle.  The sensible thing would have been to do the job earlier, or postpone it until after the birth.  There would be no way in h**l that my husband would be on vacation in another country while I was giving birth to our child ...no sorry...uh uh.  

You have every right to be pissed and no it's not the hormones...it's common freaking sense.

Answer 3

You have every right to be upset. I would be too. He obviously doesn't understand the unpredicablility of pregnancy and childbirth. Nor does he get how much support you need right now.

I do, however, doubt the veracity of your doctors claim to "know" that you will go into labour early. What were they testing for? If it's fetal nectin then it can only give an indication that you are likely to go early, but the test is not very reliable (I've heard it's about 60% accurate).

If he does leave, please make sure you get good, reliable support for the birth - whenever it happens. Consider asking a trusted friend or relative (make sure they are experienced and comfortable around birth) or hire a doula.

Good luck.

Answer 4

No you are totally right to be upset! but keep this in mind.... my husband did the same thing.. he didnt understand the concept of pregnancy and how much this baby is going to mean to him and what a big deal it was... i mean he definately did but at the same time he would.. like you said up and leave a couple weeks before i delivered... remember this... a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant. a man becomes a father when he sees his baby. so he is a guy and guys are definately retarded. So dont feel too bad because he will change once that little angel is here.

Answer 5

If this is your first baby, you will likely go over. A doctor can't predict when you will go into labor. I say let him go.  

Answer 6

If your talking about a Fetal Nectin test then they are expecting you to deliver soon.. that test only determines if your going to deliver within the next 2 weeks. So yes I would definitely be upset.

Answer 7

I would be upset, but I wouldn't leave him because of it. Is he getting paid for it? If so that betters your financial situation. However, I know have important having him there for you just in case means alot. But try to explain to him that you fear going into labor early and him missing the most incredible and miraculous thing in your lives, the birth of your sweet baby. Depending on how quick he can return if you do go into labor should be a factor in his leaving. God Bless you and good luck!

Answer 8

I would be upset too. My husband loves to hunt and even though he'll only be 20 minutes away from our house I'd rather him be closer if something were to happen (as it gets closer.) Could be my hormones but I feel like I have a right to be upset! I have to sit home and be big ad miserable and he gets to go out and do his hobbies and even camp overnight. Not fun! I think you have a right, and if possible, you should try to get him to stay.. otherwise he will miss the birth of his baby! Good luck and I wish you the best as you get closer!! :)

Answer 9

maybe its just my hormones b/c I'm pregnant too but I would be pissed off and i totally think you have the right to be. If he is the father and more importantly your boyfriend he should be there no questions asked. Maybe he needs to come home early from his "little adventure"

but on the other hand,

how far is he going?

if he is just going to be in the next town over or something yes I would be mad too, but if he is making money and could be to the hospital at the drop of a dime then let him go.

Answer 10

No you have every right to be upset.  He is going away in your time of need and he is risking missing the birth of his child.   What other milestones in this childs life is he going to miss?  I would ask him that.   There is no bigger disappointment a child has then his father not being there with him on important days.   I would ask.   And then give him the ultimatum again.  If he doesn't bite maybe you shouldn't be together, but he does need to support his child.   And the courts can make that happen.

I'm sorry this is happening

add:  Italy...No if he goes to Italy who knows what he might be doing instead of being there for his child.   Tell him its you and the child or Italy  (atleast that is what I would do.   He gets you pregnant and runs...no you have every right to be mad)

I'm sensing another deadbeat father in the world

Answer 11

I would be so ticked off and I don't blame you one bit!  He needs to man up and realize that he is going to be a father and he is needed at home.  If he does not put you and your child first now, will he ever?

Answer 12

no comment

Answer 13

Just to let you know our pregnant hormones make us tasmanian devils.But you should let him go and concentrate on yourself as this may make money for the both of you.As long as he is back i'd say two- three weeks before your due date.

Answer 14

no i think you are being reasonable you need his support right now but would you sonner he goes to help his uncle now when you are still pregnant or for him to go help him when the baby is born. look at it from both angles. he is probably offering to help him now because he would like to be there for your baby when he/she is born. i dont think he is intentionally trying to upset you. maybe it will be good for you both to spend some time apart and gather your thoughts and have some relaxation time before the baby is born. I'm sure he has your best interests at heart. sit down and talk to him about it and ask him to be on call just incase you need him at any time. don stress over this too much as it will distress your baby and when he is gone put your feet up and spoil yourself have girlie nights in and enjoy your last few weeks of freedom before your life becomes a whirlwind of burping, diapers and bottles. best of luck pet and congrats on baby