Am what i am doing wrong?

Question

Okay back in june my husband was cheating on me with his ex. They only had s*x once but they talked on the phone a lot before the physical cheating happend. Now we had a deal if we talked to our ex's to keep them as friends that at least we would see how the other person felt. Well my husband kept his ex hiden from me for months. Well I already had his permission to talk to my ex who is over in Iraq and has no one here in our town that talk to him anymore cause they all moved on with their lives. So he said yes I coud talk to him well thats fine. But when I found out my husband cheated I went balistic. Now dont get me wrong my ex was my first love you never forget those. well here recently i been talkin to him not a lot like 3 times a mth. is it wrong that i am talkin to him since i got my husbands permission. i mean when we talk my husband is around and they talk to.. but is it wrong of me to still talk to my ex? help me

Answer 1

Based on the actions that he took in the past with his ex, your husband might try to make you think that you're wrong to talk to yours.  However, he would just be foreshadowing problems in the future because it happened with him and his ex...why wouldn't it happen with you and yours?  Especially since he was your first love?

Just be very careful.  I don't think you're wrong since he has no problem with it right now, but you don't want your emotions getting the best of you.

Answer 2

As long as your husband knows and nothing is going on it is ok.  It is even better since they talk some too.

rd

Answer 3

NO!  You and your ex are not physical so what is the problem...just do not cross the line like he did.

Answer 4

The only reason your cheating husband told you that you can talk to your ex is becasue he is STILL cheating on you. Why dont you both grow up and let go of your past since you cant seem to manage your present. You both sound very immature. I hope you dont have or are not planning on having kids, this is a bad realationship tp bring them into. WHY are you still with him? He wont stop seeing her ya know.

Answer 5

No its not wrong for you to talk to your ex as long as your spouse knows.  However be careful with that because the conversations you have with your ex can turn sexual really quickly.  And because you have just been cheated on it makes it easier.  I know he's in Iraq but emotinal cheating is just as bad if not worse as physical so just be careful what you say.

Answer 6

No it's not wrong to talk to your ex if you remain friends, but it is wrong to lie.  Your husband knows about it and you talk in front of him so you are not hiding anything.  What your husband did was a betrayal of your agreement and your trust.  Sometimes when people do something inexcusable like that they try to turn it on you and make you feel responsible and guilty because they don't want to accept what they did was solely a selfish act and there is no justification for it.

Answer 7

I don;t feel jealousy for some strange reason and tend to trust poeple way to much, but I think that with all the drama that is going on for your hubby you are bound to fall for your ex pretty soon. But maybe that could be the best thing to happen to you. If he comes back to you it means it was meant to be.

Answer 8

Nope.  It is a friendship, and friendships are ok.  Just make sure you are honoring your husband, not punishing him.

Answer 9

Mamn, why are you asking if it's ok to talk to your ex when your husband cheated on you?

In case you didn't know, the myth of "once a cheater, always a cheater" didn't start out of thin air. If he's done it once to you then you better believe that he got away with it once and he's gonna do it again. Don't let that happen. At all.

You're talking to your ex may get a little deep and those feelings you had for him may return but honestly, if that happens, then it's just another sign that you and your husband don't belong together. You don't stay with a man who doesn't respect you enough to stay monogamous to you. You dump him and prove yourself respected, independent and a real woman.

Talk to your ex. Have fun. When he comes back from Iraq, and you and your husband are just in the toilet (as that's what it appears to be) then you know what? Be friends. Stick to being friends and see where it goes.

-Later Gator-

Answer 10

Nothing.  He is cheating and so your talking to an ex.  Seems natural to me for this to happen.  He is in Iraq, no harm done yet.  You really need to talk to your husband, he hasn't kept his part of the deal.  Don't put up with it.

Answer 11

to be honest.. you shouldnt need permisson to talk to someone. inless there was a good reason, like him cheating.. him n that girl shouldnt talk anymore. but u shuld be able to be freidns with ur ex without any asking.

Answer 12

You & your husband need a referee like a counselor to sort this out. I would be LIVID if my spouse screwed their ex. Don't play the game of you did so I will too that's baby ****. I would have a really hard time forgiving what he did if I was you.

Answer 13

Women and men cheat very differently.

As a woman you can have an emotional affair that never gets physical or sexual.  Guys nearly never have emotional affairs.  Romance novels are a woman's pornographic magazine.  They have the same degree of addictivity as p**n, but work on women instead of men.  Look at the content there.

If you are having an emotional affair... then you are being as unfaithful on your husband as he was on you.  If not then not.

I'm sorry that he cheated on you.  Nobody likes to have a broken heart.  I respect that you are not playing t*t-for-tat.  It shows maturity and intelligence.  

I think it might be a good thing for your friend the soldier if you kept talking with him.  Its good for sanity for someone who is in a rough place.