An Idea for foster kids. ?

Question

Do you think it would be a good idea to go to the parent of the foster/adopted child and asked them if you can take pictures of them & asked them personal information about the family so when the child grows up they can see some of this for themselves?

I was thinking that before the birth mom completely loses her rights that maybe A-moms should try to take photos of the birth mom, photos of the child's 1st home and get as much info as possible from the birth mothers & put it in a box so one day when the kid is ready & seeking answers you'll have something to provide them.

Answer 1

Hmmm...

Not sure about this idea.  

1)  When parent's lose their rights, they are probably not thinking about the child and at that time could probably care less.  When a parent losses their rights, it is because of oringal neglect and/or abuse and then because they are too selfish to do their case-plans to try and get their children back.  At the time a parent losses rights, they are too self-absorbed to think about anyone else.

2)  In cases of abuse, some children might be scared and don't want to be found by their bio-parents or the bio-parent's families.  Under the law, once rights are terminated, the bio-parents have NO ACCESS to the child.

3) Also, when kids age-out of the system, they have NOTHING.  So many are instinctively drawn back to their bio-parents.  And guess what...many times those bio-parents are still a******s.  Giving them a box of information is going to draw those kids back home, when it might not be safe.

And you might say, "why would a kid go back to abusive bio-parents.  They don't have to use the box of information."  IT IS NATURAL to want your bio-mother to love you and care for you.  If it did not happen in childhood like it was supposed to, people try and get what they did not get...and going back seems like the way to do it.

4)  Also, pictures of the house, etc?   The majority of foster kids are poor and live in poverty.  I for one don't want a picture of my first 5 years apartment.  It was horrible and filthly.  Let me explain something....Most foster kids don't come from homes where there are "good memories".   Many have never had a christmas or a birthday.  Many come from poverty and lack of food.   These aren't pictures kids want to remember....Trust me, we don't need photographs to remember the pain.



The only thing valuable in that box would be other possible relatives, medical information like history of disease, etc.  Trying to show that the parent's gave a ****....I don't think so.

I don't know what the answer is....but it is not this.

Because I can tell you, if I got a box like that, I would know that my bio-mother did not give a **** about me and that it was all lies in that box.  Why else would a mother allow abuse and/or leave???   See?

Answer 2

I think this is a great idea.  It is very important for an adopted child to know their history, where they came from, and about their birth and birth family.  It helps answer the questions they will have.  If a child knows nothing about their birth history, they can turn to fantasies, like imagining they are really the child of a famous person, or they wonder if that lady at the grocery store is their birth.  It has been proven that adopted children are more well-adjusted and secure when they know about their roots.  If their birth history involves negative circumstances, such as rape, those details can be shared later when the child is old enough to comprehend.

Some adoptive parents create a "life book" which is the story of their child's life before the child came to be a part of their adoptive family.  My friend who is a foster parent was given a life book with each of her foster children, that she can add pictures and such to, and then it goes onto the child's next caregiver.

Answer 3

That is a great idea.  In some counties the CPS worker will also have a file that the child can access when he or she turns 18.  

Answer 4

i think it is better,because if the child seeks for his mother there are some events,moments and either scence of his past about his mother and it will help much the child to understand and to cope up with his lockness for his mother.

Answer 5

CAS in Ontario actually pays for professional photos to be taken of the family, before the children are adopted thru foster care. I have one on my fridge of my kids and their mom. Each of my kids got a set and so did their mom. Their mom was also allowed to right letters, leave pictures, and make a video which is kept on file so that when the kids are old enough they can access them. At 18 they can make the choice to read/see them themselves, or I can choose when it is appropriate before their 18th birthday. I am glad the stuff is there for them when they want it.

They also do a complete non-identifying profile of the natural parents, including what they look like height weight etc, and even about the maternal and paternal grandparents and siblings. They ask as many questions as they can so the kids can have as much info as possible. They gave us a copy so we could share it with the children.

I am very relieved and happy that we have this.

The philosophy seems to be that the more info gathered, the better off the foster/adoption kids would be. My son even has a book created by his mom with pictures and explanations and lots of "I love you's" and "I am so proud of you's." We asked mom to make one for our daughter as well, we even provided the money for the book, but sadly she was, by then, to wrapped up in her addiction to make one.

My daughter will be saddened by this someday.

Their foster parents also provided us with life books.

History is so important.

Answer 6

If they are open to that, it should be fine.  The kids will want to see stuff like that.

We keep in contact with the natural mother and periodically take pics of them together.  She also is there to explain to the kiddos why she chose to have us adopt the kids.  They know that she loves them.

EDIT:  I forgot about life books until I read the person below me.  Each of my kids has a life book and their natural mom has been willing to share photos for it from before we got them.