An affair at the office?

Question

I have been married for 10 years and she has been married for 11. She has been with the company 5 months and I have been with the company 10 years. We are great friends in and out of the office meaning we help each other out with each others work and after work a few times a week we go grab a couple of beers at the local bar. We talk about everything from our families, to problems with our spouses, etc. We are always texting or emailing back and forth about everything!

We were on a company trip out of town a month ago and after several drinks she was getting extremely friendly with me. I did deflect her advances until we reached her room where I said 'Good night" to her but she leaned forward to kiss me. I kissed her in return. It was the best kiss I have had in years! It felt like we were kissing for 3 minutes! After that I did walk back to my room. The next morning we did talk a little about it but she didn't want to hear the details cause she was drunk but I told her anyways. She was acting like she was embarrassed.

Since the trip I have regretted not going into her room with her. I can't get her out of my mind. Our work relationship hasn't changed at all but away from work she is bring up extremely intimate subjects when we talk.

Is she playing games with me? I want to ask her what the deal is or at least tell her how I feel but I don't have the courage. I know it's wrong because we are all married and love our spouses, but everything feels so right when I'm with her. I do have feelings I haven't felt in years when I'm with her. Please let me know I'm not the only guy in the world that this is happening to.

Answer 1

"I know it's wrong because we are all married and love our spouses"

There ya go, smartie.

Why don't you think about your wife and family instead of yourself? When you married her, you made a promise. If this other woman will do it to her husband, what makes you think you're different?

From my point of view, whether I was your wife, your child, or your sister, your actions would not only completely crush me, but I would have absolutely ZERO respect for you. Can you do that to your family? Take that other posters advice and take your wife on a date. Start treating her the way you do this other woman. And break off ANYTHING going on with the office girl.

Jeez.. Just take a step back and LOOK at what your doing!

Answer 2

you would be sacrificing 10 years of marriage, 10 years of career for 3 minutes of warm tingly feelings you can get from your wife anyway the bottom line here is she is using you to get ahead, she wants to use your 10 years of influence to kickstart her 5 month career at the office. I would say be extremely careful and do not indulge her little fantasy as you don't know what will happen, she might report you for sexual harassment, abusing position etc. all sorts of terrible things could flow out of this, then you might be headed for a nasty divorce settlement if your wife decides to leave you.

Here's a suggestion. Go on a date with your wife. Somewhere completely random and different. Remember how you felt when you first fell in love and don't whatever you do throw away this marriage you have worked so hard at for a few minutes of pleasure and a lifetime of h**l.

Answer 3

Just one question - ARE YOU CRAZY??  First, you are both married.  You work together - workplace flings are never a good idea.  They can lead to all kinds of bad feelings and even firings.  You've got to get a hold of yourself and get this under control.  How would you feel if it was your wife and a guy she worked with?  She may well be playing games with you but you've got to step up to the plate and be the adult in this thing.  She obviously isn't going to.  Just because she seems willing doesn't make it right.  No, you're not the only guy this is happening to but it still doesn't make it right or a very good idea.  All you guys out there - its a bad idea for so many reasons!

Answer 4

For the sake of your marriage, find a new job and do not associate with this woman ever again. If my husband were to do this, I would be crushed! Just stop now!

Answer 5

I think it's the idea of a new intimate partner that has you interested, not that you genuinely want to have a relationship with your friend. That is not all that uncommon in a marriage, but the important thing is not to act on it. If you need to, see her less and definitely no intimate conversations, until you are over your feelings. Spend more time with your wife and become closer to her. But don't endanger your marriage and your long work history with this company over an ill-advised, drunken kiss.

Answer 6

If she will do it to her husband she will do it to you....be dishonest!

Answer 7

why are you having an affair at all?

you have been married for 10 years!

you should appreciate your wife!

Answer 8

You're experiencing the thrill of a new partner, which is exactly what it is. Just thrill. Once it's said and done, the fire extinguishes and you're left bored. Then you want to go back to your wife but guess what, she's kicked you to the curb.

My suggestion is to ask for a departmental transfer if possible or somewhere away. I know it will hurt and make you depressed, but you have a 10 year marriage to think about. Don't do this to your wife please.

I also think the coworker is possibly trying to climb up the ladder using you. Think about that before jumping into bed with her.