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Can you tell me if my tone is too casual? I find it easier to get my point acros in my unique style. As a result, I sometimes sound too casual. Here's nearly half of my essay (note, I am did not include other half):

In All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, the story takes place during the time when the old tradition is being replaced by the more modern lifestyle. Facing the growth of urbanization, the life of a cowboy was becoming more and more difficult to live. Because of this, people either accept the new lifestyle or try to remain in the old one. However, there are some that cannot fit into these two cultures, and are left in a world of turmoil and confusion. In the story, McCarthy tries to teach us that there are situations in which we cannot control, in which we cannot avoid, and in which we should not blame ourselves. Using the cultural and authorial symbols, the unique settings, and the characterization of the significant people, the author sets up an example by telling us the difficult things that the protagonists had experienced in a journey between the dangerous Mexican-American borders.

The story begins with the description of the settings surrounding the main character, John Grady Cole. He lives in a ranch at the isolated town of San Angelo. The setting, which includes the creaking floorboard, the open prairie, and the bawling calf, suggests that he lives his life as a cowboy. His holding his hat as he enters his house signifies the fact that John Grady likes to live in and are used to this lifestyle. However, things in which he has no control over begin to happen to him. At the beginning of this book, it has been stated that his grandfather, who is “the primogenitor from whom John Grady’s conception of the world has come” (Blair 301), has passed away. Since John Grady has always looked up to him as a role model of the Classical Western lifestyle, this is significant because it represents the fact that modernization is becoming more prevalent. This is further supported by the "the ticking of the mantel clock in the front room" (McCarthy 3). Time is perishing for the ideals of both John Grady and his late grandfather.

The main character, now feeling that he has no control over his life at home, has then decided to move to Mexico. To him, “it [Mexico] is an old place, a dangerous place… a place where a young man can test his own resolves and therefore the appropriateness of his definition of himself” (301). Along with his friend, Rawlins, he has hoped that the new country would provide something in which he likes and are in agreement with. But he is to be greatly disappointed. Using the authorial symbols, the writer has shown that Mexico is no different than America or anywhere else in the world; Mexico also contains the same things that John has no control over. This is demonstrated when, not far into the Mexican border line, the two travelers meet with Jimmy Blevins. Jimmy is a mysterious person, for he does not tell them his real name or the place where he has gotten his pistol and his very precious horse. Soon afterward, there is a storm, in which “the small birds had been driven by the storm and there impaled” (McCarthy73). Because of all of this, but especially because of Blevins, Rawlins stated directly and explicitly to John that “Somethin bad is goin to happen” (77). All of these things - the storm, the dead birds, the introduction of Blevins, and Rawlins’ blunt statement -foreshadow the difficulties that were to come up in their journey through Mexico.

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  1. I don't think it's too casual or informal. It's very good but you can improve the grammar as several sentences have mistakes.

    "His holding his hat as he enters his house signifies the fact that John Grady likes to live in and ARE used to this lifestyle."  This needs elaboration and also removing the hat signifies traditional values.

    The death of the grandfather signifying the rise of modernisation isn't really supported by your argument. You can improve your argument to support it if the grandfather is representative of a past era that modernity is overtaking. It should be a paragraph and you could improve it by making your insights clearer to the reader.

    "But he is to be greatly disappointed. " You can drop the 'but', it's unnecessary and another sentence begins with 'because'.

    Anyway, you haven't asked for this kind of reply and I'm not at work so good luck with the essay. It's good but you could gain more marks with a tighter elaboration. The reader needs to be absolutely clear about your argument and perspective and that's part of the marking criteria.


  2. I wouldn't say it is too casual. I like to write in short brief sentences and I avoid lenghty complex ones. It makes it easier for the reader. As long as there is a logical connection in the next sentence.

    This website can help you out:

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/c...

  3. I like your style of writing. Although I don't think it sounds too casual, I would like to note that it may be too wordy.

    Your  great use of details draws the reader in to your point of view, but just as you describe a specific setting or authorial point.. You jump to the next  thought without so much as a flowing statement which jumbles one's thoughts.

    I honestly like what you wrote but I felt like I was being jerked around the passage, which caused me halfway through to stop reading in detail, and start skimming lol.

    But, in retrospect.. it is the start of a great essay... the only notes I would give are to maybe create a better flow between thoughts and ideas which will allow your reader to really get a better feel of your thoughts and opinions.

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