An honest opinion of a married man, would divorce be the only solution?( Note: its a long question)?

Question

We have been married almost 11months now. When we got married i noticed something, he would call his mom and his brother for everything and even when me and him would leave somewhere he would tell him were we would be and that he would called them when we would get back, i let it by for a month without saying anything, then i just asked him "why was he doing that" he responded " well he has always been close to his brother, but that he just had to get use to being married" i told him i understood that but his brother is not like that with, he himself has a wife and kids. The problems started around the 4 month of being married instead of getting better that problem got worse, i mean for everything he would really leave me out , and does everything his brother demands. One time he came home and said he bought a four wheeler, and i got very upset and i asked him "why would you do that when you know we cant afford it" and his answer was " well its because my brother wanted me to get one with him". I dont want to sound like the perfect couple but honestly that is the only BIG issue we have, him being that way has cause us to bring up divorce, he has even left for a week (yup to his brothers house) and after he came back i cant even ask him to pick up his shirt from the ground, because he starts going off about "dont tell me what to do" but yet his brother asks him to everything and he dosent say a word to him. I get so upset and ask him why dosent he acknowledge me as his wife, why does he ask everyone else to make decision that only me and him suppose to make. I dont blame everyone else because its my husband that makes the choice to make everyone opinion count than mine, its gotten to the point were its embarrassing now, even my family notices it, or everything he has to say " well its because my brother said i had to" Can this be fixed, please mature answers.

Answer 1

It sounds like your husband wasn't ready to get married.  He's too worried about pleasing his mother and brother that he's not concerned about your feelings.  Marriage counseling may fix the problem, but he needs to acknowledge what he's doing.  If he can't understand how you feel then I would say divorce him because he will never change.

Answer 2

In order to fix this kind of thing, he has to be willing to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place.

If he doesn't see how this affects you and his relationship with you, then he might not be ready to fix this.  This will leave you with two choices - suck it up or kick him out.  

I would go for the second option, myself.   If he decides that he will work on your relationship, you can re-evaluate then, but you can't tell him this is a dealbreaker and not enforce it. If you do, he will never take you seriously when you say you're at the end of your rope.

Answer 3

your opinion and what u think should come before his family,u should have a say in how the money is spent,and his family should not be in your business. if he were willing to go to therapy, and listen to what was being said it could help, but it sounds to me as if his family means more to him then his wife does.

Answer 4

Unfortunately I don't think he's ready for marriage.  When you marry, you forsake all others, and your spouse becomes the single most important person in the world to you -- you are not that to him.  I don't even know the two of you and I'd be willing to bet that if forced to choose he would pick his brother over you any day of the week, and that's sick.

All you can really do is sit down and talk to him.  Explain that you love him very much, but that you feel this relationship is unhealthy.  Tell him that you're his wife, and that should take priority to everything else in the world.  Then you have to work on not nagging or bothering him about it.  Try to just mention it to him (let him know you're serious) and then let it go.  Be fun around him, show him what a great wife you are.  See if he listens or makes the necessary changes.  If not, you may need to try some counseling -- they may help the two of you sort out your issues, and him to sort out his unhealthy attachment.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Maybe he has some issues that he needs to work through.  I know most people avoid counseling, but maybe he would benefit from it.  A counselor might be able to help him see why he behaves this way.  If a counselor is out of the question, talk to him about it again and again and again until he sees the grief he is causing you.  Good luck!

Answer 6

Personally I would walk.  

You can let his brother pay for the divorce.

Answer 7

Sounds like you married an incompetent little boy....

Please do not accept less that you deserve. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP.

Unless he is willing to grow up and act as a man and husband, I see little happiness in your future.

Good luck.