An issue with my ex husband & bringing up our kids. Was I out of order for telling him to "put up or shut up"

Question

My twin girls wanted their ears pierced. I said only if their father agreed. On his access visit, he told them in front of me “Discuss that with your ma” so, this morning, they [and me] got earrings.

Now he has an issue. He didn’t object because he was sure I’d refuse (since until this morning I didn't have them myself). In other words, he wanted me to be the ‘bad guy’. He feels 7 is far too young. I should’ve waited until they were at least 10. He wants their studs out before the holes become permanent.

Do you think I was out of order for telling him that, while I want him to play a major part in his kids lives, if he doesn’t have the balls to make decisions they don’t like, he loses his say. As for the earrings, he’s too late. If he had said ‘not until you are 10’, I would have made them wait, but he didn’t. There is no way I am going to make them close their holes so they can get them re-pierced in just over 2 years time. His lack of balls means that he must eat tough cheese.

Answer 1

No you weerent out of line. He was. If he didnt want them to have earrings he should have said so.

Answer 2

Have a good relationship with your ex. It will avoid tension between the family members, it'll be better for your kids' sake, and it will also help you avoid things like this.

Answer 3

They are only earings.  Different story if it was a tattoo or something.

Answer 4

I agree with you - he should've spoke up - you asked, he said it was okay - so, there you go!!

Answer 5

i think you were right and he was wrong good for you

Answer 6

You go girl.  He dropped the ball on that one and what difference does it make if the holes are going to end up being there anyway?  I don't know of any girl who don't have her ears pierced at least once, and we are well past the days when pierced ears meant you were a "loose woman" (ha!).  Besides, closing the holes means creating scar tissue that could cause the holes to be lopsided later on (trust me - I've had 3 piercings in the same spots due to infections).  Tell him to speak his mind next time and that if he didn't want to do it in front of the girls, he should discuss with you privately later.  What a dummy.

Answer 7

i agree with you. if he leaves the decision up to you, then do what you want. try discussing issues away from the kids and come to agreements before you all talk to them about it. that way you can say "well we both decided that....." ya know what i mean. that way neither one of you is the bad guy and he can't be mad about you making the decision!

Answer 8

Well, maybe he'll learn to speak up and communicate hmmm . . . wonder why you divorced. We're only women not friggin psychics. I know I used to tell my hubby to grow some balls all the time when we first got married. He would never be upfront with me about anything. Now he's learned to speak up or else I'll take over lol. My ex however, we have a daughter together I just quit asking, but he's not very involved and has her a weekend a month, we just pretty much live our lives and he's a monthly vacation. Tell him he is insane for trying to pull their earings out now and it will only cause more damage than good. Not only inflict more pain on the girls! And he had a chance to speak up or choose to talk to you about it and didn't. It's just something he will have to deal with.

Answer 9

LMAO...his bad!!!  I guess perhaps the two of you could have discussed it when the girls weren't around.  However, he himself put it on you with the wording he chose.  A simple, "Let me and your mother discuss it first" would have sufficed, but by saying to discuss it with you, leaves the ball in your court.  He didn't do this so he needs to face the music.  You can't read his mind.  He didn't share his thoughts and opinions with you.  He tried to use you as a scapegoat.  Oh well.  Doesn't really work too well that way.  Try having a discussion with him on "logical consequences" LOL.  I bet next time he will think before he speaks.  We learn lessons even when older.  

And yes, please be sure your girls know the holes are staying.  You were totally in the right.  Heeheehee.  Sorry...the "tough cheese" comment got to me.  LOL