An untraditional wedding etiquette?

Question

My boyfriend and I both come from ridiculously large, and growing, families, and there is no way we could ever have a small, intimate wedding. I have fallen in love with this weddingmoon package, and want it to be just him and I. There would be a photographer, and photos would be posted on a website to be viewed immediately. Is it appropriate to let guests know we intend on marrying in a "just us" ceremony, then invite them to a "delayed reception"? I get stressed so easily, and don't want to fuss with the family, stepfamily, friends, and so on. I'd rather have my wedding be perfect, with a come-as-you-are, invite all, mega-blowout reception a little bit after. Perhaps even renew the vows with everyone as witness. Is something like that OK to do? What about a bridal shower and gifts? Any other tips on an exclusive wedding, and including the whole world later on? Thank you!

Answer 1

Hi.  Well, what you have planned sounds fine.....but here are some thoughts.

You are the second one in the last few days who has said about having a small, intimate wedding....then a big reception with possibly renewing the vows.   OK...maybe I'm dumb, but wouldn't that be just the same as getting up in front of everyone for the "real" wedding?  I mean it is a "second wedding" not a renewal of vows, as a renewal of vows is typically at a milestone anniversary like 10, 25, 50.

Also...the biggest COST to a wedding is not the ceremony, but the reception.  

Couldn't you have your very large families but still have something on the more casual side?  I don't know.  I just don't see the point of going away for a wedding, coming back and having a big reception and a renewal of vows....when you could just say the "original" vows in front of all your friends and family from the beginning.

But, in any case, yes, it is perfectly acceptable to go away and do it by yourselves if that is what you want.  However, it really would not be proper etiquette to have a wedding shower as those invited to a wedding shower must also be invited to the wedding (ceremony), and since that is private, it would not be appropriate.

You most definitely COULD register for gifts, as those who would be coming to your reception would probably want to get you a gift.  Make sure, though, that your invitations state that they are:

Invited to a reception to celebrate the marriage of

xxxx and x*x

or something like that.  And, do not include anything in the invite about where you are registered.

As far as who to invite to your weddingmoon?  Hmmm....can't help you with that.  I guess since you have so many blended families, I would just choose your two best friends, depending on IF they are willing to spend the money to travel, etc.

Answer 2

Have your private ceremony. You don't need to explain it to anyone. If you feel the need for an explanation, just say you wanted an intimate wedding for just the two of you.

Have a wedding announcement reception. Don't renew the vows. Have a slide show of you and your spouse at the wedding and throughout your relationship.

Technically speaking (etiquette), you only invite people to the shower who are invited to the wedding. Since it's only you and your groom, it would be a really small shower.

In all reality, though, you're only delaying the stress. Your family is probably going to be hurt that they weren't invited to the wedding and they'll let you know it, too.  

Answer 3

get marry at city hall with a witness and then have some thing for the family's later but don't tell nobody that you and him got marry with out them and still keep your plains .trust me you will be a lot happier. good luck

Answer 4

It is perfectly fine to just go off on your own and get married.  When you return send announcements and possibly photos of the event to your friends and family.  At this time, you can have a reception if you choose to, and it can be more modest than the traditional wedding/reception fiasco that people usually have without looking tacky on your part.

It would be bad etiquette though to have a shower.  The rule is you don't invite anyone to the shower that you don't invite to the wedding...it is seen as a dig for gifts.

Answer 5

In my opinion, if I were doing this type of wedding I would just invite my/his parents.

And when will the reception be after the wedding? (How long?)

My friends mom is doing the same thing, she isn't having a big wedding, she is inviting a small amount of VERY close friends and her parents.

Then the reception is a free for all.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Nothing at all wrong with that idea.  The only suggestion is to include your parents, and siblings if you are close.

Forget the renewal of vows idea.  If they didn't see the real thing, most people are fine with that.  A renewal would just look like a cheap consolation prize or a re-enactment.

The reception, ideally, would be within a month or so of the actual wedding ceremony.

Depending on your friends and family, you may need to forego the idea of having a bridal shower and those pre-wedding events.  However, many people will want to provide wedding gifts.