And the guilt sets in...parenting a toddler...?

Question

Hi. My son has started his terrible twos early..at 16 months...and is frequently throwing tantrums and screaming uncontrollably at times....but all that aside. When he eats, if he doesn't like something, he will just spit it out or make gagging noises until I remove the food from his mouth..we have worked on this for weeks. I spent 2 hours cleaning the floors and cooking for dinner tonight. He had tiny pieces of pork chop with gravy and rice. He spit out the pork; I told him no. He cried. He put more in his mouth, then spit it out again. I told him to chew and swallow his food, no spitting. He cried. I gave his some rice & gravy, he spit it out all over the floor....then cried and threw his sippy cup on the ground. I told him he would go to bed if he did it again. He asked for more, spit it out again. I took him to bed for the night without supper. Ugh! He's normally a great eater, but has been picky all day. I feel bad for him not having dinner. What would you have done?

Answer 1

Next time instead of putting him to bed put him in time out. He just may not be hungry. Toddlers are picky eaters and will eat if they are hungry. Some children also won't eat a food if they can't get past the texture. As far as tantrums just be consistent so he won't lose respect for you and not listen at all.

Answer 2

Firstly do not listen to Jessica S above me...thats plain cruel and hes only 16 mos for goodness sakes!...Maybe just a bad night or hes getting sick/teething ! If it becomes a routine..maybe hes playing a game w/ you (toddlers for you)or just having some adversion to food. I would check the situations and foods it occurs with and use your best judgement. if you think hes playing games w/ you I would ..then just end the meal and send him on his way.  I personally do not make dinner time a battle ground w/my little one..it is one of the few things he has control over and I am not going to force feed him, make him sit there , etc. if he chooses not to eat, then i let it be and put his dinner on the counter. once hes hungry he can have the dinner on the counter!

Answer 3

At times my child 2 1/2 will do this.  He'll take a bite and not finish it and spit it out.  He also starts playing with his food and tearing it apart or breaking it up.  Right when I see him doing this, I take it all away, wash his hands and face and tell him he's done.  I wouldn't keep offering.  Just be real blunt and matter of fact, take the food away, and remove him from the eating area.

Answer 4

Toddlers who eat well one day, may not eat barely anything the next day. Try not to get so stressed out about it, or he will feel that stress and become stressed himself. Next time he spits it out just remove him from the table and go about your day. Save the meal (if possible) and offer it later. He will eat if he is hungry. He could be getting back molars, and they are the worst! My son was awful! He wouldn't eat, he threw tantrums, and whined about everything. Maybe your son is just not hungry. Or maybe he is not feeling well. Try to cut down on snacks or snack sizes before meals. At this age he really does not understand the "if you do it again you are going to bed." And doing this could also make him think that going to bed is a punishment. Which could lead to fights at bedtime. Just stick in there, and I wouldn't worry about him being hungry tonight.

Answer 5

My twins are 3 and they will not eat ANY meat, even taste it, besides chicken nuggets and fish sticks. They are very set in what they'll eat. I think that starting now, when your son is young, at establishing good eating habits is a good thing. I wish that I did. You did the right thing. It is possible that he just didn't like it, and you won't be able to make him like it. But if that same behavior happens again with different food, chances are that he is just being picky. Good luck!

Answer 6

Hi Tickled Blue,

I usually ask that the girls just try a bite, then you have the right to tell me you don't like it.  If its pork and you know i don't like pork, well i used different spices you might like this dish.  Just try a bite, its all i ask.

Years ago they said it took a toddler (i think like) 30 times of trying a new food before they liked it.

If my children really don't like my dinner then they are always welcome to a big plate of veggies!  If they refuse that, then they aren't that hungry, imho.

Stand your ground, this is the age they love to push your buttons and figure out their boundaries.  Gotta love em:)

ETA: check out adoptionthreads.com

we actually get to talk there unlike here at yahoo.

Answer 7

It is time for some discipline....Time out for the 1st offense not if you do it again. It is not acceptable to spit or throw food or sippie cups. Tantrums are also not acceptable. if you do not curb it now it will only get worse. See Nanny 911 for the time out guidelines they are the best.

All that aside you may have a sensory issue on your hands so look that up and see if it fits then seek Dr help in resolving the issue.

Your son chose his consequences with his behavior and when he is hungry he will eat (If you do not have a sensory issue)

Answer 8

Sounds like you have a problem on your hands. Don't feel guilty, it's not your fault he didnt eat. He just did not like his dinner. For temper tantrums:

1.) Say "No! You are a big boy! No tantrums!"

2.)Say it again.

3.)If you need to, yell at him

4.) put him in a 15 minute time out.

5.)Now he needs a spanking. Take him to his room (ALONE, where no one can see or hear what is going on.) Give him a  few hard spanks on the bum. If he is screaming and crying, ignore him and shut the door. Make sure he has no toys, or anything to amuse him. This is not time for him to play, it's time for him to cool down. In 10-15 minutes, come up and explain to him what he did to deserve his spanking, what he can do to avoid this sort of thing happening again, and tell him that he is a big boy, and that for now on he will get a spanking when he gets in trouble.

For dinner time:

If he spits something out, give him a hard tap on the hand, and tell him (or yell, if you need to) that he NEEDS to clean up his mess now, hand him a cloth, and point at the floor. If he doesnt, send him to his room for the rest of the night, without finishing his food, with no toys. Do not give in to him when he screams. Hope this helps! =)

Answer 9

Don't feel guilty, if you always cater to their needs all the time, they will grow up expecting you to do that and the older they get the harder it is to change them.

However, he is barely over 1, and babies his age don't know any better, if they don't like something, they spit it out, simple as that. So start introducing him to lots of different foods, so that way you can learn what he likes and hence you won't have as many situations as you did tonight.

Answer 10

I know how you feel, lol, my daughter is 19 months old and started around the same time. She doesn't eat any meat except hamburger in red sauce, keilbasa(if we hide it behind potatoes, lol), and deep fried chicken. She'll taste it if it's not, she won't eat it. But it does take up to 20 times trying something before a toddler accepts the taste, unfortunately, most parents give up long beforehand. And you always get the things they loved two months ago and refuse to eat now. My brat loved hotdogs, would eat one everyday if I let her. Won't touch 'em now with a ten foot pole, lol. But as to the throwing food and spitting, it's kinda a toddler thing, they are exploring what all they can do with food. In our case, we started just feeding her off of our plates if it's not good finger food. We usually eat in the living room, but we put her in her booster seat the other day and let her play with her big girl silverware at the table, and now everytime it's time for an actual meal, she runs to the table and asks for "up my chair mum" cause playing with the silverware is such a treat, lol. She does great, actually managed to get most of the potatoes into her mouth before she played with the rest. When she plays with the food, I give her a warning. Then she's done, and she gets down. She throws a tantrum when I put her on the floor, and we walk away and ignore her. She knows tantrums won't get her any attention now, and still throws them occasionally, to check if we change how we act with them, I think, but now she will apologize to us afterwards, and come for some reassurance, which we always provide. If she throws the sippy cup, she loses it for a short period of time, usually until she quits with the fit completely and until she asks for it nicely. I wouldn't remove the food if he's making the gagging noises unless he's actually gagging(unlikely on soft rice and gravy if it's a small portion). He knows by now that if he makes that noise, he'll get something he's not interested in eating right now taken out of his mouth. Let him learn how to deal with it. But you followed up on your threat, which is always a good thing. Actions have consequences, and toddlers can grasp this concept :) Good luck!

Answer 11

sounds like dinner time at my house! :)  

He may be teething, he may just be onery today, who knows?  On days my 15 month old is like this, I give him dinner (whatever I am eating), if he's not going to eat what is offered to him, then he's not hungry enough to eat.  Children will not starve themselves.

When my son acts up like that, I completely ignore it.  I make him try a bite, if he spits it out, I try with him one more time.  I make sure to offer different choices on his plate (a meat, rice or pasta, veggie, etc.).  He'll eat what he likes... and sometimes, I have to feed him that first bite if it's something unfamiliar.  When all else fails, I put a squirt of ketchup on his plate.  Word of the wise: kids LOVE to dip.  I don't know why, they just do.  My little man hates things that are cheesy... but he'll dip his grilled cheese in ketchup and eat the whole thing.  He even dips his mac-n-cheese (EW!!), but he eats it.

At the end of the day, though, I would have done what you did.  Although, I probably wouldn't have put him to bed.  I would have taken away his plate (asked him if he was all done first), left his milk there on the table with him, and made him sit at the table until you were done eating.  Then cleaned him up and put him down.

I try not to focus too much on his negative behavior (gagging, spitting, etc).  I'm right there with you though; I know how frustrating it is.  Try to be encouraging as much as possible, but then just remove him from the table when the meal is over.  Sometimes, they're just not hungry (or their little mouths are just too sore for them to want to eat).

Good luck... and don't stress too much.  It sounds like you're doing the right thing. :)

Answer 12

sounds like you have a toddler. sometimes they just don't want to eat. no reason other than they just don't feel like it. I did this with both of my girls. My almost three year old sometimes does this still. I'll give her her favorite food that she has eaten no problem ten times before and then all of a sudden she will cry and throw a fit if we try to get her to eat it. So, we have started leaving her food on the table up to 1-2 hours after dinner when she gets hungry she'll go to it and pick at it. I think the harder you push a child to do what you want the more resistance you'll get. So, I think offer it to him if he doesn't want it then, then offer it to him again a short time later. Toddlers are a pain in the you know what when it comes to eating. They grow out of it but it's just another one of those things.

Answer 13

THe same thing.  He obviously wasn't that hungry - if he was, he would have eaten.  Going to bed without dinner once and a while won't hurt him.  He may not be feeling great today, maybe is teething - bottom line is you'll never know.  But you did the right thing - you followed through on the threat you made, and he will remember that, and that is good parenting.

He'll be fine.  Good luck!!

Answer 14

I don't agree with sending kids to bed without dinner. That to me is abusive and mean.  It could be that the spice you use to cook with or that particular type of food doesn't sit well with him and at 16 months old he doesn't really have any other way to tell you.

The fact that he's crying while you are trying to force it on him tells me there is a bigger issue here than just the food.  Toddlers don't connect "throw my food and I get no more" or "spit food and go to bed hungry".  Your child instead has learned "mean mommy" from the scenerio even though it may not have been intended that way.

Put on his plate a variety of foods he likes from the meal you made. Skip spicy foods because they may not agree with his tummy and be hard for him to chew.  Surely there were veggies in addition to the rice that you served with the pork?Skip the pork next time and give him rice and veggies.  Give about a tablespoon of each food  on a plate and let him eat as much as he wants/can in a sitting. Some nights he may want more and gobble it up, other nights he may not. My son is the same age and he doesn't always want a big dinner at night. Sometimes he just wants to nibble and sample things. I found the easiest way is to put a variety of the food we're having on his special plate and set out a toddler fork or spoon for him.  When he's in a nibble mood he grazes on his meals. It takes him longer to finish, but eventually he eats most if not all of what was there.  Other nights he will eat start to finish without the grazing.  I learned a long time ago to choose my battles with food and not make it an issue. In between meals if he wants a snack be sure it is something healthy so he gets the calories he needs but in a good way, not empty calories.  

My son doesn't like pork either. When I serve pork for dinner I make him chicken nuggets and serve the side dishes I make to him OR I skip the meat all together and just give him the sides on those nights.  If i know I'm serving a dinner that isn't a fave I don't make a second meal but I may give him a protein rich snack in the afternoon and a few extra choices through the day so if he does pick and only eats part of his dinner I know he's still got a full tummy and what he does eat was something good for him on the side stuff.

If he normally eats great and is overly cranky and fussy for you he could be teething again or may just be tired and not feeling well so he won't eat.   I know when my son is cutting a new tooth his eating habits change a bit and he gets finicky for a few days and then it's like "boom" he's back to his normal self.  I promise you though that he's not kiniving this stuff up and isn't doing it to deliberately drive you mad. He's trying to tell you something in the only way his 16 month old mind can.

Answer 15

He is still a baby, you should NEVER put a baby to bed without dinner! That being said, at this young an age, you should give him what he does eat well do that he gets his proper nutrition. Humor him and he will grow out of it. Go get him out of bed and feed him! I would give my son formula when he didn't eat well to make sure he got everything he needed. I did this until he outgrew the poor eating habits.