And what do you think about this poem?

Question

I'm not sure that this is the final form of this poem but I'm interested in your opinion.

I feel that I lost

something important.

My life?

No, who's interested in it?

My love?

No, it's born dead in me.

My hope,

that seems to be out

like glowing embers under ash?

My faith,

that wasn't ever real?

My God,

whom I never trusted?

My fate

that I didn't follow?

My destiny

that I've smacked?

Please, help me, who read these lines.

What have I done wrong?

What's that I've lost?

Answer 1

To be quite honest is a little zig-zagy for me. It needs certain arrangement to understand it, is unique but needs some works there.

Answer 2

I started to do some minor editing, but it didn't help.

With each question you shoot it down with the following phrase.

It does not seem that you are truly looking for an answer, but have made up your mind that you are nothing.  I see that is a false assumption because you show you are a poet.

T.

Answer 3

I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!

Answer 4

Your mind?

No, I'm just kidding.

This poem describes the basic human search for the ubiquitous "something missing." You also carefully go down the lines of things you have possibly lost, although you make it seem like you never had them to begin with. While the style of this poem can get slightly monotonous, the thing is that it touches a very basic human truth. When we keep pushing the things we know shouldn't be missing away, they eventually become what we lose.

That's what you've done wrong, to answer the poetical query.