Angry alcoholic mother! what would you do?

Question

So my mother has anger and rage issues and she just told me to go *uck myself. Her husband died two years ago, all she does is drink and stay in the house. She is very over weight and has many health problems. I find out from neighbors that she tells them that I (her daughter) do nothing to help her and that I don't work. Which is a complete lie. I work 12 hour shifts at a high end hair salon 5 days a week. I have tried urging her to seek couseling but she refuses. IS there anything I can do to help my mother? She refuses everything I ever offer to her?

Answer 1

You tried, now get out of the house.

Seriously, you don't need an angry alcoholic in your life.  Call her, visit her but stop worrying about her and look forward to the future.

Answer 2

As much as you care for your mother, she has to be willing to help herself before you will ever make any progress with her.  Otherwise, it is doubtful that you can make a difference.

Is there any other family that can help?  Grandparents, aunts, uncles.  Anyone who might be able to help her see clearly?

Don't let her bring you down.  Even though she has said nasty things to you, it is the poison inside of her causing her to do so.  Anger issues plus alchohol is a devastating combination, and you need to just stay out of her way.  If the abuse ever turns physical, you need to seek help.

Answer 3

As a dry acoholic for 20 years, I am certain of one factor in the disease.  The alcoholic will only stop drinking when they decide to do so.  Unfortunately, many decide to do this only when they "hit bottom."  The anger is from the hangover but is not your mom's normal emotional pattern.  In the same manner that she happy and talkative in the "sweet spot" between hung over and nasty drunk.  A health crisis would almost be a blessing.  She needs to be hospitalized to dry out. There is no other way or any pleasant news to the story in which your life has fallen over the past two years.  It is not you.  It is the greater love, now, for booze.  Highly intelligent people who are alcoholic are able to  deny the problem.  I think the reason for denial is that they often seek out other drinkers with whom to assoiciate. So sick becomes normal.  She needs hospitalization.  I would discuss this with family members and try to have her to "dry out."   That will not be the end; but, you need some help to limit the damage to her and to you.  Maybe there is aunt or uncle who she likes or respects?  Bring in someone a little older to help with your daily view of you mom killing herself.  It is a self-hatred. Not a real anger or rage about you.  I am not personally an AA member; but, your mom needs to realize that we are no better than a homeless person living under a bridge.  She is helpless over her disease.  You need for her doctor to know about the drinking problem to avoid prescribing a drug that will interact with the booze. The real problem is an addiction for which your mom is the only person who can help.  There is no cure.  You must stop drinking.  And that is difficult when it becomes the center of your life.  More important than a daughter or others.  You can only help by getting her to realize she has a problem.  After that your emotional support will mean a great deal to her. I pray for both of you.  Still, you cannot "fix" her.  Only she can make a change in her life.  Try to get her doctor to understand how bad the problem has become.  

Answer 4

you sound like a very caring person but she has be willing to help herself. is there someone that she thinks of a close friend and listens to. maybe a neighbour or sibling of hers? maybe your grandmother?

Answer 5

Unfortunately, while I did experience the first stages of alcoholism, I managed to pull myself out of it before it got a firm grip on me.

What I can say for sure is this: She will not accept any help until she is willing to, and until that time, the situation between you two may get worse.

My advice is to get out of there asap. If you have friends or family that would be willing to take you in, do so. You two need separation, and she needs to focus on her problems, not shift her negativity and syndrome on to you.

Now it doesn't mean cut her off. Keep in touch with her, make sure shes ok, but being in the same place will only breed more serious problems, problems that could escalate into full blown physical abuse.

Answer 6

I think if you have off on Sunday you and your best friend should go out and do something fun............. like go to the coach outlet store.... hmmmm... yum.....

Nothing you can do honey, she has got to want to fix herself before you can do it for her.

Answer 7

You obviously care about her a lot, and try hard to help her but afterall she has to be willing to get help and you are doing your best to help thats all you can do.  I am afraid there is nothing else you can do.  You should feel good about yourself for trying.

Answer 8

Bless you annibel, ur mom is being very shelfish about all of this, im sorry that you are going through this pain.

But she is ur mar, and im sure u lovely her very much, iv attached  a link.

i Hope it helps

Good luck

Answer 9

Try an intervention.  

Answer 10

www.interventiontv.com

Answer 11

My mother is also a very angry person.  She's not an alcoholic, but has an untreatable mental illness.  She lies and manipulates people on a daily basis and says mean things to other family members about me and my husband.  Dealing with her is absolutely the biggest challenge in my life and leaves me drained and frustrated.  Sometimes, I go for a week or two without answering her calls because I just can't handle it all the time. The best thing I was able to do was go to a therapist and talk about it.  I have learned a lot about how to deal with the situation...and about myself too.  It is a little easier now, but still very frustrating.  Good luck!  You're a great person for caring about her so much despite the problems.  

Answer 12

Being myself an Alcohlic (recovering) I can suggest you to take her

to an Alccohlics Annonymous meeting It will surely turn her life or visit

to site www.alcohlicsannonymous.org

Answer 13

Call Dr Phil.-Might sound a little extreme, but ya never know. Sounds like she is very depressed and probably very insecure. Catch her when she is sober and tell her how much she is hurting you whether she knows it or not you need to confront her, her alcahol is her numbness, her protection from the cruel world she lives in, you need to let her know that you understand why she also hurts, but let her know that she is tearing your relationship to pieces and tell her you don't know how much more you can take of her abuse not only to herself but towards you, it is a double whammy she is dealing to you and you need to try and not give up, have a heart to heart and look her in the eye, she needs to understand how serious this is. If you can convince her to quit then you need to do your best to rekindle your relationship with her, establish a movie night or have a girls night, do facials, manicures, pedicures, fun stuff to make herself feel better about herself, she is wounded on the inside and needs your help. I hope things work out for you two!