Animal jokes(GOOD ones ONLY)!!!?

Question

i want to hear some good jokes and LOL!!!!!!

Answer 1

A Koala bear fly's into new york city on the red eye.  Longest flight possible.  He is tired and just wants a drink, so he goes to the first respectable bar he see's.

He sits down at the bar and looks to his left then looks to his right.  to his right is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.  He calls for the bartender.  The bartender comes over and says "What can i get for ya?"  

The koala bear replies "do you see that beautiful woman to my right?"

The bartender answers " yeah, why?"

quietly the koala bear says "I'd like to buy her a drink."

The bartender laughs and tells the bear "She's a prostitute, are you sure?"

The Koala bear says hastily "I don't care, send her the drink"

"OK" said the bartender.  

After the Woman and the bear spoke for short while they decide to go to the Koala's Hotel room.  Once they arrive the koala bear takes off his suit and neatly folds it and places it on the bench.  First thing the kola bear does with the woman is, he climbs under the covers and starts to perform oral s*x on her.  Twenty minutes later after she has orgasmed many times, he gets out of the bed and starts to put his suit on.  "where are you going?" asks the prostitute.

"I'm leaving" replies the Koala.

"But I'm a prostitute, don't you know what that means?" Asks the Woman.

The koala bear replies " No idea, why what is that?"

"A woman that sells her self for money to pleasure the client" She says.

"Well I'm a koala bear, don't you know what that means?" asks the bear. "I'm a marsupial that eats bush's and leaves"    

Answer 2

george bush.

Answer 3

guy walks into a bar with a tiny giraffe under his arm

gets completely smashed

gets the tiny giraffe completely smashed

guy stumbles towards the door

giraffe follows

giraffe falls down

guy keeps walking towards door

bartender says 'hey buddy, you cant leave that lyin' there'

guy says 'thats not a lion, its a giraffe'

...

its funnier if you're not reading it, trust me  

Answer 4

meow

Answer 5

i got none.

Answer 6

Q: What is cleverer than a talking cat?

A: A spelling bee!

Answer 7

um ok..

Farmer Brown: Have you seen the cows?

Wife: Ya, they're out baaack with the sheeep.



lol sure

Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?

A: to the MOOooo-vies

Q: What did the mama buffalo say to her son when he went away for college?

A:Bison

Q:What do u call a fish with ten eyes?

A: A fiiiiiiiiiish

Q: Can a turkey jump higher that the Empire State Building?

A: Yes. buildings can't jump

Q: A man rode into town on Friday, stayed 3 days and then rode home on Friday. How is this possible?

A: his horse's name is Friday

Q: What do u get when u cross a tortoise and a porcpuine?

A: a slowpoke

Q: What do u call the mushy stuff between a shark's teeth?

A: a slow swimmer

Q: Whats a knight's favorite fish?

A: A swordfish

Q: What did the beaver say to the log?

A: It's been nice gnawing you

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?

A: its easier than walking

Q: how do u catch a squirrel?

A: climb a tree and act like a nut

Q:how do u communicate with a fish?

A: u drop it a line

Q: what kind of fish goes best with peanut butter?

A: a jellyfish

Q: who helps killer whales that need braces?

A: the orca-dontist

Q: what happened to the frog who parked illegally?

A: he was toad away

Q: what do u get if a parakeet flies into the blender?

A: shredded tweet

Q: who gives presents to baby sharks?

A: santa jaws

Q: what kind of a bird can write?

A: a PENguin

Answer 8

i dont know what you are asking for to be exact, what is good to me would be bad to you and vice versa, why do you ask for good ones only if you know that good or bad is based on opinion?

Answer 9

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

To look for Pooh.

Answer 10

Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares their dogs.

Answer 11

I have three great jokes!

(1) Question: What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot??!

Answer: A carrot!!!!!

(2) Question: What do you get from a drunk Chicken??!

Answer: A scotch egg!!!

(3)Question:  What do you call a bunch of bunnies running backwards??!

Answer: A Receding HARE line!!!

Thats it Folks!!

Answer 12

Q: How do you catch a polar bear?

A: You cut a hole in the ice, and set up a bunch of peas running around the outside of the hole.  When the polar bear walks up to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.  lol.