Annoying neighbor what to do?

Question

i feel my neighbor has been invading my privacy! she would ask me when i will cut my grass, pull the weeds, trim the plants...now my yard is far from being overgrown! i just can't get to it every other day like she does since she is jobless and have no family around and just tend to her garden all day long! she started making these small "reminders" when we moved in a few months ago but now it's getting very annoying! she also started complaining about me feeding the birds and squirrels in my backyard (it's NOT illegal to feed wildlife in my city) and threatened to call the city on me! she has made my life very difficult because i feel someone is always watching. she is also setting up mouse trap to kill any squirrels and chipmunks that goes on her property and altho i don't like what she is doing, there is nothing i can do cuz it's not my business what she does so why does she think she can come and tell me what to do? i am not going to give-in but i don't want to start a war!

Answer 1

Well you can go about this one of two ways obviously. You could simply tell her flat out that she's getting on your nerves...and I'm sure she is...OR you could try a different approach..and I can tell you what her problem is...she's lonely. She's annoying the p*ss out of you because she's bored, she's lonely and she's trying to get your attention. Give it to her. What have you got to lose, right? Just hear me out and give it one shot...and watch what happens.

  Start with something like "I try to get all that yard stuff done but I look over there at YOUR yard and it looks so good. It's very discouraging when I'm nowhere near as good at that green thumb stuff as you are." I know it's hard to swallow your pride, just try it. I bet you she stands there looking at you with her mouth hanging open. She is saying to you "I work hard on my yard, yours doesn't look as nice, and you're not noticing how good mine looks. I don't think she's being sh*tty, just misunderstood. She's old. She is now divorced? That is especially hard for older people who have been accustomed to having companionship. You say her kids visit 'once in a while' and that speaks volumes. If you were so completely alone, how would that make you feel? Maybe you would have the same attitude she has?

   I suggest you try this because I too had a neighbor just like the one you describe. She used to come over and ask dumb questions like that and then when I got snippy with her she'd stand at the fence and ask the same questions or just stand there looking at me. She even walked around in my yard sometimes while I was gone. Angry? Oh yeah, I was ready to spit nails.

  Then, I was in the yard one day and I heard this strange sound coming from the other side of the fence. It sounded like a whimpering dog. I quietly grabbed the ladder and sat it on the fence and climbed up to have a look. There she sat, quietly crying with her face buried in her hands. She kept asking someone, presumably God, why her kids hated her, why he took her husband away, and why he wouldn't just let her die because she was a nuisance and no one wanted her around. I was mortified. She was 68 years old. She was a beautiful, intelligent woman. I never saw that before that day. I was too busy hating her for trying to be my friend in her twisted way. In trying to get off the ladder without being seen I fell. She either saw me or heard me fall. I lay there on the ground and across the fence I hear "Well, I suppose that's what your stupid @ss gets for spying on old women, huh? Now are ya still breathing over there, is anything broke, I'm coming but I can't get there so fast anymore girl. Hang on!"

  Millie died last year. It truly broke my heart in a million pieces. I still expect to see her standing there by the fence watching me. I loved that woman as if she was my own mother. God blessed me with her presence in my life for five years. When she took ill her children still came 'once in a while' and I took care of her until the day she died. I learned so much from her wisdom about, believe it or not, such things as gardening. I could grow nothing. Millie changed all of that for me. Now she's gone but I'm the one who insists on the perfect yard.

   Perhaps your situation won't turn out as mine did. Just please try. She clearly needs someone. I believe that everything happens for a reason..so I believe that someone may just be you!

Answer 2

You are being imposed on, preyed upon, pushed by this person exactly because you present yourself as someone who doesn't want to start a war.  You have to establish brick walls of limits with people like that from the beginning in how you respond to the slightest incursion into your territory.  Send her an official letter inviting her to attend a meeting with you, your attorney, her and her attorney to discuss this matter.  Watch how quickly she gets slurpy sweet and backs off.  DO meet with your attorney and get some pointers, too.  Take the OFFENSIVE, never the defensive.  Began invading HER territory in a million annoying ways.  PUSH.  Then, get pushier. For example, ask her how she fertilizes her yard.  Then, look concerned, ask if that's legal these days and say you'll contact the EPA to find out for her.

Answer 3

Don't argue, with fools. People might not know the difference.

Answer 4

old ladies will never change their mind, so for you and her sake just agree with her and pay lip sercive.  When she is not looking, keep feeding the little guys