Annoying "Roommate"!?

Question

I was just recently married, and I moved from Texas to upstate New York to be with my husband who is in the Army. When I got here, he had a friend who he works with sleeping on his couch. The friend has a room in the barracks on post, but doesn't like it because "they have too many rules." I've been here two weeks now and this has continued. He eats our food (and does not offer to help with groceries) stays up all night watching our tv loudly, uses our computer, and invites people over with out asking. I have asked my husband to make him leave but he is very hesitant and fears losing his friendship. Am I being selfish or does he really need to leave?

Answer 1

blow chalk dust in his eyes..and..stab him in the ear?

Answer 2

You and your husband need your alone time, you're newlyweds for goodness sake!  You're not being selfish, but it will be hard to make him move on.  At the very least, you need to lay some ground rules, like no people over without permission.  You might just have to tell him yourself that you need to be alone in your new house with your new husband and that there's no room for him.

Answer 3

he needs to leave or shape up. Instead of your husband asking him to leave he should ask him to be neater and more respectful and your husband can say that you said something this way it doesn't effect his friendship. good luck

Answer 4

Be miserable or do something. You have a choice, make it. Personally, I think you are foolish to let it go. The exact solution is unclear but letting him stay under the current situation is a mistake. Heck he won't stay in the barracks why? Too many rules? So he is going to take advantage of you because you have no rules. Hmmm, sounds like you may be a pushover and your spouse well he needs to grow.  

Answer 5

oh boy...  tell hubby to get rid of the trash or your heading back to Texas

Answer 6

If hes not doing anything to help he should leave... he could atleast buy grocies and clean up... talk to the friend tell him to act his age.

Hes a grown man living with his friend and his wife, he himself needs to get a life.

godbless your husband

Answer 7

Your husband needs to man up and tell his friend it's time to go. This guy is not much of a friend and more of a mooch. If the friendship ends because this guy doesn't see a married couple needs to live alone than it wasn't much of a friendship.

Good luck.

Answer 8

thats just rude. he should go, but dont just kick him out, or he will hate you. next time you have groceries just say will you help me with this stuff? and tell him you are saving specific foods for another time, so have him ask about what he can and cannot eat. and tell him before you go to bed, "im about to go to bed, so try not to get too noisy. i need a good night sleep tonight." with the computer, log off evert time you are done using it because most computers require a password to use. if he knows the password, then change it. inviting friends over with out permission is just rude, and maybe you should tell him that. you should tell him to pick up after himself and if he wants to see his friends, fine but not in your house.

Answer 9

you are not being selfish. of course that friend should take a hint and just leave. it is not yours or your husband's responsibility to be taking this guy in.  he has no right to be eating YOUR food and inviting people to YOUR house.  if your husband refuses to do anything about it, i strongly advise you to take action and tell this guy to leave or he needs to start paying rent.

Answer 10

I think its stupid just to make him leave if you haven't talked to him directly about the things hes doing how does he know its bothering you?  

Answer 11

Your hubby needs to understand that marriage is hard enough when you're starting out without having an obnoxious roommate added to the mix.  Tell hubby to boot him out!  There's no reason for him to be there if he's not contributing at all!!

Answer 12

Time to sit down and talk to him.  Tell him its time to contribute and start behaving like a reasonable adult member of the household if he intends to stay (and if you intend to allow him).  Tell him what his portion of the utilities/rent/groceries are and when they are due.  Most moochers like this will leave on there own when confronted like this.  Then it was his own decision to leave, he wasn't kicked out.

Answer 13

Your not being selfish, If your not happy then something needs to happen. You moved all the way to new york for him, the least he can do is make sure that you are comfortable there and happy. If hes not doing his part then that is not fair to you. Sit your husband down and have a serious talk with him about it. and if that doesnt work, just threaten to take away the s*x :P

Answer 14

i think you are 100% right. he needs to leave....he has his own place! if your husband doesnt want to tell him, do it yourself...and make sure to tell him exactly why he needs to leave. let him know that your house "has rules too", and one of them is being considerate.