Another Letter to Zulqarnain Haider
Zulqarnain Haider
Former/Current Pakistani Wicket-Keeper (still not sure if he retired)
Somewhere around a curry restaurant, England.
Dear Zulqarnain,
I have no idea how you must be feeling today. There has not been enough news about you in the media. I am anxiously waiting for your reply to my last letter. I wonder if you even received it or not. By the way I am a technology savvy person and I prefer
to receive e-mails rather than letters written in ugly hand writings. But I know that you might not have access to the internet as you are almost out of money. My boy, I am extremely worried for you.
I can’t get enough sleep as I just can’t bear to think about your conditions. The beautiful unicorn type creatures don’t come into my dream anymore. The dollar signs are replaced by ragged clothes on weird and hideous-looking beasts. It’s not the end of
the world, is it? These nightmares are making my days and nights difficult. I just don’t know what to do. I feel as if I am lost in the crowd and everyone around me is merry but I am not. You are the only person whom I can talk to.
How can I live here peacefully, when you are living there? I am scared Haider, I sometimes feel my secretary watching me and it creeps me out. Maybe she is one of them. Or maybe she works for you. If the latter is true, then please dear Haider, send me a
sign.
I switch between my numerous LCDs but could not see your latest news. I thought something is wrong with my TV and immediately ordered my Jay-Z look-alike secretary to fly over the latest flat screen model. And then I realised that maybe my cable operator
was doing some hanky-panky with the news channels so I also ordered the local cable operators to be banned with immediate effect.
As I cannot have access to your news, I believe that you might be lying low for a few days since the Test matches have started from today. So I would provide you with the nitty gritty details. The Akmal brothers are back and this time a third brother is
in town. That is one talented family, don’t you think? The new brother is already endorsing a new brand of lipstick, a very pretty shade of green.
But Haider my boy, I am extremely apprehensive about the fact that your stipend contract has been suspended and I had to take such an action in order to save my skin. You know that, you also decided to run away, and that too alone! I am still reeling over
the naked truth that you left without me. And that you are seeking asylum! I have given a detailed account in my previous letter addressed to you and if you have not read that as yet, then I once again would like to tell you that I am very disappointed with
you, Haider. I always thought you were on my side.
Anyways, with the suspension of the stipend contract you must be left with less cash. I hope you get to have free breakfasts and dinners in the many Indian and Pakistani restaurants around your vicinity. As soon as you reply me, I can use my contacts to
vouch for you.
It’s time for my moustache facial and I must adieu farewell for now. Before concluding, I would pray that you are safe and are scripting a runaway episode for me.
P.S. I must applaud the way you were aptly dressed in your last appearance in front of the media. Such a smart jacket you had on but what amazed me was that when you departed from http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Pakistan-c755, you had bags full of summer clothes to beat the heat of U.A.E and
you ran away to London with a school bag full of winter clothes! That is so cool!
Regards,
The great http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Ijaz-Butt-c64128
Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) Chairman
Lahore, Pakistan.
(The writer’s opinion does not reflect bettor.com’s official editorial policy)
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