Another flowery poem from your dear Lulleh. What do you think?

Question

***

Oh cloudy sky, your gaudy mistress,

Whom you have kept in your curtained hall,

Peeks down to earth in utter jealousness,

To see in fright the sheen that is equal

To the reflection of her flaming tress

On the glassy surface of the ocean

A light to be a daytime star and bless

The grateful sky as a nightly sun

Rhyming pattern: ABABACAC

Answer 1

you may omit the last sentence. Let us discover the rhyming pattern. We may discover deeper meanings if we don't concentrate on rhyming.

Otherwise I liked the poem

Answer 2

Yeah, that`s great!

Answer 3

Good in sense of rhyming and flow, but i didn't quite get your message. maybe you can make it longer?

Answer 4

Lulleh,



I think the poem naturally concludes with the penultimate line, and as such your poem celebrates nature -- the sun, specifically -- wonderfully well.  This might give you ideas...

Within your vault, beneath your white-fleeced dress

Your gaudy mistress peers below at all,

She gazes on green fields with jealousness,

And oceans there reflect her clarion call --

She is approaching, she of flaming tress,

She who rules us and holds us in her thrall

And by decree may bring us dire distress

Take what is whole and bring to spoil, and spall

To dust and null what she might choose to bless.

O fickle lady, deep within your hall

Of gray-fringed fleece, would you deign to confess

That those who worship you beneath your pall,

Who stare in wonder and who so obsess

Know not your curious caprice at all.

Keep up the good work, and keep writing.