Another free verse poem?

Question

When I first saw you

I was easily repulsed by you

But as we begin to talk

And you began to open up

You showed that underneath

Was a sweet, lovable, caring boy

You led me on

You threw me off

Your performance was so believable

You could’ve won an Oscar

I truly believed you loved me

But when I saw you with that girl

My eyes were drenched

And my heart sank into despair

My second try. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

You have some good sections in there. Maybe try to cut down on wording. At least for me, in poetry, less is more. The image becomes more powerful the less dressed up it is. For example "you led me on you threw me off - I like that a lot, but the next two lines could be cut down to "an oscar winning performance". also, I'm dying for some images because you did catch my attention. Why were you repulsed?Was it looks,? What in particular turned you off. What did he talk about that made you like him? You've made me curious. That's a good thing.

Answer 2

It reminds me of a song,killing me softly"with his song".I know these are not the lyrics but the mood of the poem reminds me of the song.Looks okay to me,no suggestions needed,its good.