Another idea for adoption reform?

Question

Mountains of paperwork must be completed before adoption. There is alot of talk on this site from adoptees who don't know who they are biologically connected to. Would it make sense to have some sort of personality assessment...a list of likes, dislikes, short answer questions, that birth parents should fill out in addition to medical forms? Do any agencies do this?

Knowledge is power, this could serve as one more missing piece to the puzzle for adoptees if the biological parents do not wish to have any contact. Constructive responses only please.

Answer 1

Our sons b-mom did one it talked about her favorite foods, the classes she did best in, the health of her family from sibblings to grandparents, Am am greatful that she was VERY honest and it will help my son realize why she made the decision she did. But she was happy to do it and it was optional. Aside from having that, we are now in contact with eachother, but it's nice having it on paper, just in case.

Answer 2

what do you mean? for this to be included in non identifying information?

Mine included my mothers likes and dislikes at the time. It told mer her goals, her favorite color, her appearance I could recite it all now, from memory if I wasn't scared of privacy.

yeah, and, a freakin piece of paper is just plain stupid, yeah its cool and all to get when you have NOTHING, but we deserve answers told to our face from the mouths of those we came from.

Answer 3

As a child i would have longed for any scrap of information about my people.

However, the longing that I had wouldn't have been quenched by knowing trival information about my parents. Would I have a better sense of who my mom was by learning her favorite color? I doubt it. i can imagine such tidbits causing more confusion than comfort

Answer 4

Agencies already have information about natural parents.  Under the law, adopted persons can request and receive what is called "non-identifying information."  So, this already exists.

Natural parents have the right to say no to contact just like anyone else.  

Adopted, not relinquished, citizens are the ONLY citizens in our society denied unconditional access to the factual records of their own births, based solely on their adoptive status.  If a person is relinquished by his/her natural parents, that person still has the same right to access as non-adopted citizens.  It is only the finalization of an adoption that seals an original birth record.  It has absolutely nothing to do with natural parents.  If a child is relinquished and never adopted, the record stays open.  If an adoption fails, the record reopens.  In some states, records don't seal at all.  In other states, the adoptive parent(s) or adoptee, if old enough, can make the decision as to whether or not the original birth record will seal.  This is not about natural parents.

This is about adopted citizens being denied a right that their non-adopted counterparts have.  It is discrimination, pure and simple.

Answer 5

You must be an adoptive parent.  You want to control what kind of responses you get.  You want to control what kind of information adoptees get about their parents.  Control, control, as long as you're the one with it.

You say knowledge is power, so why not just open records and let people have control over their own lives?

Why not have open adoption so there are no mysteries at all?  But you wouldn't like that, not enough control.

Answer 6

I guess it just depends on the agency. We filled this paperwork out together in the 70's but at 16 what could I possibly have to say. As far as the father, he did express some artistic abilities but again, it's not enough to go on. I honestly think in order to get a good representation of what people's abilities are the paper work would have to be kept up over the years and I don't think that's an option. It would be great for the medical portion if people would do it but highly unlikely.

Answer 7

I'm sorry that you have received a few responses that seem to ridicule your concern for the adoptee.  I don't think that they fully intended to come across as attacking you.  Adoptees are just upset - rightfully so - that they are denied access to their birth records.  Something every person should be entitled to.

I do agree that having some additional information from my son's bio family will be nice to share with him as he grows up and asks questions about his bio family.  But in the long run, I don't think knowing about his bio parents' likes or dislikes is going to solve the loss he may feel without his original birth certificate.  

I believe that all children should have a right once they turn 18 or 21 to receive their original birth certificate.  It should be a child's choice if they search for their bio family or not.  Once a bio family is contacted, if they wish not to continue contact, then they have the right to walk away.

Answer 8

If biological parents do not wish to have any contact they can use the magic word 'no'!  Now there's a concept!

Biological parents should have equal privacy rights to any other citizen.  No more and no less.  Biological parents and adult adoptees are more than capable of handling their own adult relationships without interference or undue constraints.

Adult adoptees do not pose a danger to anyone.  To imply they are by restraining them and denying them freedom of association is discrimination against adoptees and keeps adoptees stigmatized as a lesser class than non-adopted individuals.

Filled out forms is like throwing adoptees crumbs of information.  Adoptees deserve nothing less than EQUALITY

Answer 9

I went with open adoption. Everything was done honestly and with total cander. I did the personality assessment you're thinking of. I had an entire manlla envelope with my own things to give her. like letters,, and personal information, baby pictures of me and pictures of my family members. When she was born, I gave her mom my favorite teddy, Whitey, and my baby blankets. She's 8 now and still carries Whitey around, in doll clothes and diapers. Wraps him in my baby blankets. She is the perfect image of what I looked like at her age. And she knows it, because of my baby pictures. She knows me, and my sons. We visit whenever possible and I hang out with my little me.

Answer 10

I already have that...it's called non-ID information.  But knowing that my n-dad liked cats and played guitar is far from being able to understand just who I am and where I came from.

A few crumbs do not equal a loaf of bread.

Answer 11

That's a good idea I think.  It sounds like a nice way for the adopted child to know more about "who they are" and know if they are like their biological parents.

Answer 12

That is such a good idea. My bio-dad died when I was 3. I got curious as a jr. high/highschooler what he was interested in, how he dressed, his fave music, etc. My mom told me and I felt really good to know. Bought his fave c.d. even.