Another one concerning my daughter...?

Question

My daughter is 10 yrs old. She can be a sweet kid. She is becoming so overbearing. She tries to bully my 2 yr old son. She stomps through the house. She pretends to fall and knock things over and then starts screaming and crying when I or my husband is doing something. She starts crying and throwing fits if we ask her to clean her room or help around the house. She kept throwing fits at a birthday party a couple of weeks ago because her team wasn't winning at volleyball. Then she sat at the bottom of the slide so the little kids couldn't play. I felt like I spent the whole day yelling at her. It has gotten to the point that I try to stay away from her. She is lazy and demanding. Also, she is as big as me, so she doesn't take me seriously. If her dad disciplines her, she throws fits and treats the 2 yr old bad. She is so jealous of him. Does anyone have any advice? Also, I give them the same attention and the same rules and chores. I treat them equally.

Answer 1

Hmmmm.... do you indeed treat them equally?

What kind of chores does a 2 year old do exactly?

I mean, if I was 10, and I was being treated like a 2 year old.... I would have a problem with it too.  But my guess is that she is not being treated the same.  I am guessing that she is being asked to do things for the sake of the 2 year old.  For instance she sat at the bottom of the slide so the little kids couldn't play....  She doesn't have the right to sit at the bottom of the slide?  If she sits there she will inconvenience the little kids?

I am guessing she is entering that stage of life that all parents never see coming.... puberty.   That combined with a new baby who seems to be nothing but a hassle and a headache, makes for a lot of fireworks.

I would suggest you stop treating them equally.  Start treating her like a 10 year old, in all respects.  Make sure she has a little bit more of your time too.  How many times has a dirty diaper made you stop what you were doing and focus on the little one.  Well you need to re-prioritize and stop what you are doing every once in a while and focus on the big one, or she will give you reason to do it.

Answer 2

You've mentioned a couple of times that she is "as big as you."  Does this mean that you're exceptionally small, or that she is overweight?

If she has put on some weight over the last few months as a result of impending puberty, she may be feeling very miserable about herself.   It's possible that she is getting teased in school, has lost friends, and is feeling lonely and frustrated because of it.      

She's probably going to go through a huge growth spurt pretty soon, and as long as she doesn't gain any weight, she will more or less stretch out at that point and be slim again.  In the meantime, you can help her out by trying to be active with her, playing with her, and providing healthy foods in appropriate portions.  Don't even comment to her about her weight - she probably feels bad enough about it as it is.  Just be as loving and caring as you're able, and things will get better.

Answer 3

take her to a therapist

or scare her with something like my mom always told me that if im bad when i grow up my kids will b bad and treat me like i treat them.

or tel her if she doesnt stop u'll take her to the doctors to see whats wron with her and they'll give her a shot to calm her down (itll work if she's scared of it) and maybe she will stop.

Answer 4

Dont worry about treating them equally. She is 8 years older than her brother so your expectations of her should be higher than your expectations of him.

You need to discipline her every single time she starts acting like a brat. Throwing a fit and treating the 2 yr old bad when her Dad disciplines her deserves discipline. If she doesn't take you seriously, start removing all her toys and favorite clothes and locking them away. She can slowly earn them back as rewards for good behavior. If she misbehaves, take something back.

At 10 years old, she should be doing more chores than a 2 year old too. She should be doing dishes, dusting, or even some vaccuming too. She should be responsible for her room and some of her bathroom. If she throws a fit because the baby doesn't have to, tell her in 8 years he will, but that isn't her problem.

Remove tv and all previledges until she can behave. At this point, it sounds like you need to do something drastic to get her attention. Anyone who will bully a 2 year old, needs help. She is acting like the 2 year old and that is unacceptable.

I also think its important to let your kids know when you discipline them that you are only doing it because you love them so much is very important. If you allow them to continue this poor behavior, you are only letting them hurt themselves and that is not acceptable to you etc.

Answer 5

i think you can get some good tiprs from the reality show "Super Nanny"

Answer 6

I think that she's jealous and wants more attention. I know you said you give them the same amount of attention, but talk to her seriously about why she's acting like that. Stay calm, don't raise your voice. Try taking a whole two hours of you two going out and having some fun.

If she just backtalks the whole time, then ground her. Like, no tv phone, internet, movies. If she doesn't respond to that, keep her home a day, with no tv, phone, internet, movies, or entertainment. Make it clear to her that her behavior is unacceptable. Take away simple priviliges that she enjoys. and if you keep her home for the day, have someone take the baby, so it's just you and her.

Sorry it took so long, but I hope this helps!!!

Answer 7

spank her or ground her or somethin

Answer 8

something that she really likes.....take it away until she learns to behave and she will then earn it......or try to say no to something she asks you to do:

like if she asks you to take her to the park, or buy her something or something she really wants say no, then tell her that she has not been good lately and until she does she will then earn it.......

Answer 9

I think it is time to see a behavioural psychologist. If you are dreading being around her something needs to be done. She will only get worse not better

Answer 10

Your daughter is starting to act uncontrollably. Is there something

bothering her? Her best friend not talking to her? This may just be a way to get attention, or something really emotional is going on. Take this, too. Hormones. She is at the age where she can start PMS. Tell her, inform her. It made my daughter a lot less emotional when I taught her about Hormones.

Answer 11

I am the youngest of two, My sister used to do things like that and i used to watch like crying while cleaning her room. The only thing i can say is, even though it may be hard, my mum ignored her and always won. She got so uptight about it, and it was only a phase

Good luck

Answer 12

You have to deal with it now or it will just escalate...which you obviously know, or you wouldn't be asking for help.  The fact that she is as big as you should not factor into the equation...she needs to respect you.  If you want to use corporal punishment perhaps you should consider paddling...that way your size is not an issue.  Once she understands you mean business she will have to behave.  Just keep the punishment consistent.