Another peom ,i want honest answers plz,,what doyou think?

Question

Nice journey

life is

Without tears

days are

And I will still believe

In hope

One day

I will have my faith again

In you and me

In our days together

we will laugh

There will be no tears

There will be no chains

Surrounded my ankles

And I will be yours

No matter how far

I got away from you

It’s the legend

We will drift

Together

In the same sea

In heaven

I look out the window

And see myself alone

Walking down the streets

I just see my back

And past

Is gone

Future

Is so ashy to remain

I sit again

Assuming I could sit

And look at the sky

As I hunger death

Answer 1

kinda dark

Answer 2

A little sad- and not really to my taste these fractured lines put your schizoid tendencies on public view. Overall a quite evocative and interesting piece of work I like it.

Should not the last line read

"AS I HUNGER 4 DEATH"      ?????????

Answer 3

its epic. ^_^

i like it!

Answer 4

Very good, somewhat depressing

Answer 5

*sniff* i like it. :)

Answer 6

Poetry is known for being cryptic, but there is a different between cryptic and just not making sense.

I liked some of the lines "there will be no chains surrounding my ankles"

Love, to me, is like a prison. No matter what, you can't escape. Although love can be good, it can be fierce, so I understand the poem, but there are many lines that it could do without.  

Answer 7

TWISTED and I LOVE IT!

Answer 8

Wow! That was so deep and sad. Yet with feeling toward someone wanting to find happiness.

Answer 9

i wouldnt know im a 7th grader but i think it sounds nice^_^

Answer 10

you'd better work on the structure

Answer 11

pretty good ;)

  

Answer 12

Wow, this poem is so, wow i just don't know how to describe it. Even if i did find the words to describe it it wouldn't even been to flatter it and the art of it by the artist, you the writer. All i can really say is it is inspring in a deep kind of way, it makes you think.  

Answer 13

no rythym at all,,, very herky-jerky

read it twice, still cannot get a sense of what you are saying,,,

what is "ashy" ?

Answer 14

I am a bit old fashioned and traditonal so it's not me; but be yourself and express yourself as you think fit.  If you like it that's the most important thing.  Keep writing!

Answer 15

i like it =]

good job.

Answer 16

first part is good

each line is to short put it a bit together

I didn't like this ''Surrounded my ankles'' that is in past tense and the poem is in future tense it should be ''Surrounding my ankles''

the end is good but does not go well with the beginning

overall I think it is good I can't write like that  

Answer 17

AWSOME keep writing and some day you will be famous.

Answer 18

     I like it.  Perhaps substitute "misty" for "ashy".  Read through it.  There are just one or two typos, but keep at it.  I think you're on to something.  Well done.

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 19

great but kinda gloomy!

Answer 20

Trite.

Answer 21

Life is a nice journey

Although we have tears and sorrow,and angry thaughts still hope keeps us alive

       So I still believe

One day will have my faith again, in you and I in our days together.

Will be no tears or chains surrounding my ankles

We shall laugh and I will be yours

no matter how far apart, we are

It's the legend we will drift together in the sea

         in heaven

Look out my window, see myself alone,

walking down the streets,

past is gone, future is so ashy to remain.

I sit and look at the sky

as I hunger to go up to heaven.