Another poem..can you tell me what you think?

Question

I hear the chilling rush of wind,

Within the darkness of my mind,

Shadows cast upon the walls,

Sadness in my heart entwined,

Living in my own insanity,

While coming closer every day,

With this fate bestowed upon me,

Death is the only way,

A cutting knife up to my throat,

Feel the ice cold blade against my skin,

Iv'e now begun to realize,

In this life I'll never win,

Breathing heavily- faster, faster,

Will I have the nerve?

I'm sick and tired of all the pain,

In thislife I don't deserve,

A sharp pain now- I'm gasping for air,

A a light begins to show,

As I'm wishing I didn't take my life,

But I guess I'll never know.

this poem was written a few months ago. i was born with clinical depression and my poetry comes from the heart, please dont look at this as just some typical teenage poem. please check out my other poems in my questions. id really appreciate some comments :].

Answer 1

Onion

Answer 2

Flower Child,

your poem is well written, but it is so depressing.

Writing this type of poems will only take you down further, and drag other readers down with you.

Why not go for a walk in a park or the woods or farm land or the sea shore, and write about the wonderful natural things you see?

This would be much more up lifting for you and your readers, helping all of you to appreciate the wonder of life.

When you can't go out, study the Bible for it inspires hope for a better future.

Flower Child, strive to become a flower of hope for your readers.

Answer 3

There are some things that tie in with

this poem. A bit of weather because of chilling

wind along with depression.  

There is one line that says death is the only way out

and the cut with the knife.

You are finding you can't tolerate pain anymore

Just when one would think the clouds have over shadowed

there is a light at the end of the tunnel

Helping one to put things in focus.

Answer 4

i think it really good

Answer 5

I think it serves as a good creative outlet.