Another poem...critque please!!?

Question

I've been fighting a war in side my own head,

It's been killing me, yeah been making me feel dead.

So I wrote down a sonnet that bleed with falseness,

And I've been using up all the ink in my pens.

I've had a feeling thats been growing in my chest,

It's pounding on my ribs so I'll leave out the rest,

A girl with a smile, well she once said to me,

"Who the **** are you trying to be"

I woke up confused in my mother's womb,

It was cold outside I didn't know what to do.

Well honey it takes one to know one and you have it bad,

I've been searching in the dark for what I used to have.

I've been looking in the mirror and seeing my best friends,

I don't know how to put this but I think it is the end,

Like a curretn of thoughts I have nothing to say,

So I'll pass the time while I write away the day.

Answer 1

its ok......but i think it needs some work.

Answer 2

really really good. Nice jobbbb =]

Answer 3

i like it... you sound kinda young. but you definattly have potential.

Answer 4

I think it's pretty good,

stronger words would make it sound more professional. :/

still , it's pretty good. (:

Answer 5

Gives the reader a view into your head, which is always a sign of a good poem. However it is really sad, like you are loosing your own identity trying to be like everyone else. A big problem in our society. The poem is still a little rough but over all very good!

Answer 6

wow i love that poem add my email adress [e-mail] and send me poems p.s i love cookies