Another poem. i posted yesterday but i made some changes?

Question

its free verse( thats the stile i rite), so comment on it. by the way im 14.

What once was.

I loved the way you spoke to me,

like a light in the dark,

giving me comfort.

we would laugh without a care,

if you cried,

i was there for you.

But one petty fight and it's all gone

you walked away from me,

to stand all alone.

It has been some time,

and life goes on,

but i still think of what once was.

Answer 1

I think your free verse is very nice. I would like to make a few suggestions if I may? No offense is meant at all, if offense is taken, please disregard. In a place or two, you have placed redundant phrases which just distract a reader from the main topic. There are also a few filler words. If I may show you here:

I loved the way you spoke,

like a light in the dark,

giving comfort.

We would laugh, without a care,

If you cried,

I was there.

One petty fight  it's all gone,

you walked away,

to stand all alone.

It has been some time,

life goes on,

Yet I still think of what once was.

I did change one word on the last sentence. Once again, it is your poem and no offense meant, just a bit of rewording. Thanks for sharing.

Answer 2

Most exciting

Answer 3

its good i guess :)

Answer 4

not bad!!GOod !!

Answer 5

Not bad for a 14 year old, but nothing about this poem hits me and pulls me in, or makes me feel what your feeling. Keep writing though.

Answer 6

hmmmm.........its good. for 1 so y0ung