Another poem of mine. It`s about magic.?

Question

hi guys...this a poem of mine ..It`s not yet done.

kindly comment ???tnx.

The magic of the past.

by me=D

I can still feel the magic of the past

eventhough many years had already past.

The dances of the faries,

they dance and dance without having any worries.

The swans that glided so gracefully.

Everyone of them were friendly.

The magic of a grand mother`s wand.

Turned a place into a beautiful land.

The music inside the palace,

that made everyone dance.

Like a tale from a mother`s story.

It just happend to me in reality.

The magic while we were dancing,

I`m sure I wasn`t only dreaming.

It was our friendship which was the most magical,

forever it will be magical.

the dance might had ended.

But the magic of it never ended.

If my grammars are wrong.Please let me know.

and spellings also.

thank you :D

Answer 1

I don't know if you're trying to rhyme or not. Using the same word twice doesn't rhyme. like 'past, past' or 'ended, ended' From your first two and last two lines. "even though many years had already past.' I would change 'had' to 'have', just because you are talking in present tense in the first line. Grandmother is one word. 'The music inside the palace, that made everyone dance.' Isn't a complete sentence, you could remove 'that' and it would work. Try adding in some more adjectives. Like 'the beautiful swans....' just to create more imagery. Try reading more peoms, like from the romantic era, and you will improve, cool original subject though, keep writing. Hope I wasn't harsh.

Answer 2

i like it alott! wow i havent seen that much type of poetry&&it's different. i could picture all of it...like the magicc....i lovee ittttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!! keep on writing..!! how about mineeeee?

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p.s. do you have any more poems if soo please email or im me so we can talk...i loved reading this!!.. :]].