Another romance scene between Jak and Erin...?

Question

Okay, so I posted a question a little while ago (maybe a few weeks) that was asking if my writing was good - It was a romance scene on a beach between two people named Jak and Erin.

Well, I was writing, (at 3 in the morning, again!!!) and so here's the second romance scene between them. I just want to know if it feels real to you. Thanks for the help!

“Inexcusable!” Erin’s mom, Erica, said to Erin and Jak. “I was worried sick! We had no idea where you were, and you didn’t answer your cell phone any of the times I called you! Where were you all of this time?”

“I was…” Erin glanced at Jak for a solution.

“At the beach, Mrs. Whittier,” Jak said, a smile on his face.

“Um…yeah!” Erin said, thanking Jak silently for saving her. “We were…uh… swimming and lost track of time. My cell phone was in my shorts.”

“Didn’t you hear it ringing?” Erin’s mom asked, skeptical.

“We were in the ocean, Mrs. Whittier,” Jak said.

“Plus…um…it was on vibrate. I swear!” Erin exclaimed as her mom held out her hand for Erin’s cell phone to check if it was on vibrate or not.

Please, please, please, let it be on vibrate! Erin silently prayed, crossing her fingers behind her back. It was. Thank God! Erin yelled in her mind.

“I believe you, Erin, because you’ve never given me a reason to doubt you before, but know that trust can be lost in a split second, and it is much harder to gain it back. But if this ever happens again,” Mrs. Whittier paused, glaring at both Jak and Erin with the same murderous stare that Erin could imitate so well, “Erin you’re grounded for a week. That means no cell phone, no computer, and no going out of the house.”

“Okay mom,” Erin said, relieved that her mother was giving her a second chance.

“We’re really sorry,” Jak added.

“Okay. Jak,” she turned to him, “you should probably be getting home now. Your parents are probably very worried about you!”

“Yes, Mrs. Whittier,” he glanced at Erin, mouthed the word, window, and walked out the front door.

“Erin, get to bed. It’s very late.”

“Okay mom,” Erin said, giving her mother a kiss goodnight. Erin walked towards her room. Thank god it’s on the ground floor! Erin thought. She was about to walk into her room, but on second thought, she took the time to brush her teeth and comb her long brown hair, getting all of the tangles out from the breeze on the beach. Then, she walked into her room and found Jak sitting on her bed.

“Hey, stranger,” she whispered, closing the door behind her.

“Hey,” Jak said back, looked at her, into her intense green eyes, and decided to just say what he was going to say. “I’m sorry about what we did on the beac–” but Erin cut him off, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“I don’t regret what we did,” Erin said, reaching for his hand and grasping it, intertwining her fingers with his. “Look, I really like you,” she paused and blushed, “and I just didn’t realize it before because we were such good friends and all.”

“I like you too,” Jak replied, smiling, excited. “But what are we going to do about this? Us?” he clarified.

“We could start with this,” Erin said in a low whisper, looking at him, shy, for the first time. Jak found himself wandering in Erin’s eyes, looking for approval of what they were about to do. He found it.

Their heads came close, but this time, they were less hesitant. Then, as their lips met, Erin felt a whole new sensation from the one she felt on the beach. On the beach, the kiss seemed dangerous and daring, but now, it was familiar, as if it was needed. The kiss was full of yearning to learn more about each other and, in a way, to learn more about themselves.

Jak’s lips were gentle on hers, moving slowly, but surely, asking and pleading that this was still okay with her. Jak somehow sensed her willingness to move forward, and he became more enthusiastic. He wrapped his arms around her, smelling her raspberry scent, seeing her vulnerability, seeing her true self for the first time. Jak suddenly realized that he needed Erin. She was the only one who understood him, his only good friend. Now, he needed her more than ever because he could never forget.

They kept on kissing, and it was full of magic and wonder. Neither would let go and they were holding each other for what seemed like decades, but really no time had passed at all. Because time was now irrelevant, as they had finally found each other.

They both broke away and opened their eyes. Jak’s black eyes gorged into Erin’s green ones forever searching inside of her, inside of her heart, never wanting to leave but also knowing that he must. He grabbed her hands and whispered, “I have to go.” Erin nodded, tears coming fast. Jak squeezed her hands, hugged her, and gave her one last kiss before he climbed out of the window and sprinted across the wet lawn back to his house.

Erin laid down on her bed and silently cried, pulling her comforter close to her, smelling the balmy beach air blowing through her still open window. She cried for no reason and yet she cried for every reason. She just cried. It seemed like days. She finally cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Answer 1

Fantastic! It seems like it would be a great teen book. I'd definitely read it. One thing that concerns me------I can't figure out if Jak's name is pronounced like Jack or Jake, so you might want to change the spelling. Also, I'm not that fond of the name Erin; it just doesn't seem like a name that is a girl's, in my opinion. How about something a little more friendly, like Leah or something along that line?

Good luck!

Again, I'd definitely read it!

Answer 2

Oh........... can you please keep writing.... i am actually crying... because you just stopped.....

please.. please continue....Wowo......:D