Another sad poem...plz read ?

Question

okay here it is:

You go outside looking your best

Everyone thinks you do

But theres only one person that you want

To be really impressed by you

You finally spot him in the hallway

Lookin all fine and fly

Walkin past you glance his way

Hoping to catch his eye

And yet he looked away

As though you weren't there

One tear slide down your precious cheek

Even tough no one really care

Staring in the mirror you cried for so long

Not even knowing why

Why your heart is about to break

Why you want to die

Walking the the hallway in silence

And now everyone can see

The pain and sorrow your heart suffers

The power of INVISIBILITY

i wrote this last year in 9th grade so yea

so whatcha think? =]

Answer 1

to be honest! I can connect with this at the begging but I got lost towards the ending thinking that you were gonna symbolize the fact that while we are busy worrying about what he'll think theres somebody else watchin and comes up and say im beautiful and makes me feel even happier...

But you mentioned it would be sad.. so yea thats very sad enough.. GOOD JOB!! I THINK I WANT TO PUT IT ON MY PAGE

Answer 2

I really like it. good job

Answer 3

You loose your rhyming scheme towards the end, but it still has a lovely flow to it. And you can feel the desperate heartbreak of this girl. Stay strong.

http://strongtruths.wordpress.com/

Answer 4

its pretty good

Answer 5

Very nice! Do you write poetry often? You're much better than I am.

Answer 6

Not bad -- not bad at all, in my opinion!

Answer 7

Love the theme...invisibility...impressing those around. It's what all have experienced....high school! I love it!