Another sonnet. please help and comment.

Question

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Sonnet II

The young stream, gushing forth with freedom’s blow

A rushing flood of surging strength and will

Affronted his grim, stony-hearted foe

To pierce its tyrannous chest and kill

With his silvered crest, that pitiless heart

That with hellish curse and satanic wish

Craved to see the meadows yellow with drought

And weeping lilies mourning precious fish

But all that is noble shall ever flow

And all that hinder it will crack and fall

A stream whose force will never cease to grow

And put every stony fist to his thrall

So did the stream blast an immortal wind

A storm to hunt every vice-full fiend

Answer 1

Again, surprising, original images in this sonnet...again, you are well on your way!

I would replace 'fiend' with 'send'...just because it has an ambiguous meaning here, and it rythmes with 'wind'.

Excellent!

Answer 2

All the elements are there--style, rhyme, and meter, but I don't think you got it yet. The issue is meaning, or maybe substance is a better word. I think I know what the poem is about, a stream that offends a warrior and...something.

This strikes me as practice, and I think that as such it is fantastic. I am not going to say stop--I think you are too good a writer for that. Yet, neither will I say this one is great. It is more like practice on the page.

Ultimately I am saying, make it mean something. Keep after it and definitely put up revisions.