Another wedding problem...?

Question

Ok - I just asked if it was ok for my friend to not only have me as a matron of honor, but to also a maid of honor. I got my answers for that so thanks to all who helped!

But now I have another problem. I noticed as one of her bridesmaids she has a girl named Desiree.

Well - while my husband and I were still dating (about a year and a half ago), Desiree tried to get him to cheat on me with her, and she did the same thing with the bride's fiancee a few months ago. Desiree is nothing but bad news and everyone knows it. It bothers me that she is even invited to the wedding because the bride always talks bad about her anyways. The only reason the bride thinks that Desiree should even be considered as a bridesmaid is because its her step-sister. But I still don't understand why she chose her anyways since the bride always talks sh** about her.

How do I tell her that I don't really think having her in the party would be the greatest idea? I know its her day and she can do what she wants, which is why I don't really know how to go about this. HelP!!!!!!

Answer 1

Again, just be gracious and supportive. You really shouldn't say anything because it would cause stress for her, and you would come off looking selfish and whiny.

If it really bothers you, you could step down as her MOH (explaining your reasons why), but you would possibly be causing hurt feelings. Your situation is a little different, because she's got another MOH so she wouldn't exactly be "left hanging".

It's your decision, but I strongly advise that if you stay on as MOH, do NOT voice your opinions of Desiree.

Answer 2

I think you shouldn't say anything.  Sometimes couple's have people in their wedding party to save the peace, more so than liking them...especially family members.  She probably thinks it would be an even bigger issue now by telling her she cannot be in the wedding.

Plus, she apparently knows what she is dealing with and so you do. I suggest keep quiet and keep yourself and your husband away from her during the festivities.

Answer 3

Wow, after reading both of your questions about your friend's wedding I really feel that you just need to take two steps back. It's like "you know this is her day" but you're not really willing to accept it. If you don't feel comfortable about a bridesmaid selection than the only option you have is to withdraw from the wedding party. Point blank, her wedding so ALL of her decisions, no matter what role you're in you really have no say.  

Answer 4

She probably feels obligated to ask her because they are related.

Plus since she probably already asked her, it's too late to ask her not to be in it without causing more drama. Besides, it's really none of your business. She knows what Desiree did, and still chose to ask her, so that's her decision. Just be there for her to listen to her gripe when Desiree makes her mad, try not to say "told ya so", and that's all you can do. :)

Answer 5

let her do it. its her big day. dont stress her out anymore than shes going to be.

Answer 6

That's her business. Stay out of it.

It's her wedding and her decision...not yours.

Good luck

Answer 7

Its your friends day and not yours. If she wants trash in the party then just pray about it and let it go, keep an eye on your man in the meantime.

:O)

Answer 8

You can give her your honest opinion, but if she wants her there or feels obligated then you'll just have to deal with it.  Again as with the other question this is her wedding party so it's her choice.  The only choice you can make is if you are willing to be the bigger person, be a friend, and just deal with the other girl in the wedding party or if you're going to bow out gracefuly and let her know you can't be involved if she is.

Answer 9

Do the bride a favor and drop out of the wedding now. You've got DRAMA written all over you . . .

Answer 10

I really don't think you should be saying anything to the bride. From your message, it sounds like she already made her choices for bridesmaids - she isn't asking for your opinion on it. (If she had asked, that would have been much different).   Or am I wrong, and she hasn't decided entirely and wants your opinion?

The way I see it, if the bridesmaids have been picked, then you need to keep quiet about the situation and make the wedding day the absolute best day for the bride and groom.   Just speak up if your opinion is asked for, otherwise keep quiet entirely about the situation.