Answer this! Sour Marriage & Money ? what to do ?

Question

We do not have joint accounts, don't share credit cards, don't share a car.We have a 2 yr old son But, This is a marriage that is hanging by a thin thread of survival. We got married in my 7 month of pregnancy and up until the baby was born and I stopped working fulltime, we split living expenses down the middle. No problems!

But, I expected that when we got married in March of 2006 that My husband should have opened a joint account with me and viewed us as "one" in all aspects especially finances. After we got married he told me he doesn't trust me with money and never opened a joint account. He is completely fine with me having a part time job/staying home with our son and just handing him over my checks to deposit into his account. I keep some money for myself into my account but the balance goes so low and never have enough to make a dent in my own savings. Basically he doesn't see "his money" as " our money" and doesn't want me spending what he earns. If i 'm ever low on my money I have to ask for his bank card , like I'm his kid. He says stuff like "what do you care, I pay for everything practically anyway" But that's not the point. I shouldn't have to ask my husband permission for money.

I have told him over and over again that I don't think that's right or fair. But now we are going to enroll our son in daycare and I'm getting an opportunity to afford half of everything again (living expenses) even though he will always make more then me. I feel like I have been fighting for him to see me as an equal in expenses all along and I was ignored b/c i wasn't bringing in enough money .....But now that I'm becoming "financially able" all of the sudden my husband denies all of this unfair treatment and is okay with joining accounts with me. Wow how convenient for him !!!!

I say s***w him !

I have fought too long over this issue and for him to turn around and deny it and have him think I'm not worthy enough to join accounts with him up until now that he sees i will be making more money is ridiculous. Can a marriage work like this financially 50/50 ???? How to go about it or any other tips ??????????

Answer 1

i think it can, because marriage should be based on everything not just the bank account. Stick your ground.

what will happen when u have another baby? will he want to split accounts again?

Answer 2

Although all of us, myself included, would love to find someone who considers the marriage a 50/50 relationship, but unfortunately there's always one party who wants to be dominant. At that point things and people begin to change.

Always be in control of your own money, and tell him to keep his own account, and you keep your own, and have a 50/50 financial split, if he doesn't agree, then tell him to split, literally.

Good Luck !!!

Answer 3

If you are splitting things financially 50/50 then you're not much more than a roommate.  You're right, you should not have to ask your husband's permission to spend money that legally belongs to the both of you.  Even if you are working only part time (or not at all) he still owes you a full share in what he earns as "baby rent".  That's right.  He's not home changing diapers, scheduling naps and feedings, and being spit up on constantly.  You are at home doing that essentially for free.  You should feel free to demand that you be "paid" for these services in cold hard cash if he feels the right to be stingy with YOUR money.

It comes down to a trust issue.  I have only known two couples who attempted what you are your husband are attempting.  The first divorced within 6 months.  The second is very wealthy, have been married for 30+ years and don't even speak to one another.  

You need a joint account.  The law says that all monies accrued during the course of the marriage belong to both of you.  Your husband could also benefit from some sensitivity counseling.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but you are belitted every day by this behavior of his.  I am assuming you have already talked to him about it.  Urge him to attend counseling with you for his sensitivity issues.  If he refuses, I highly recommend filching money from him when you can, socketing it away, and using "his" money to pay for yourself a nice divorce attorney.  Best of luck.

Answer 4

You have way too many issues to deal with on Yahoo Answers effectively. You have to decide if this marriage is salvageable, if so see a marriage counselor if not see a lawyer. Bottom line it sounds like your husband is too controlling for your tastes. My gut is that will not change. He is what he is. Good luck.