Anti-Adoption? Why? ?

Question

I've only been looking at the adoption section for about a week, and have seen MANY responses that simply don't see adoption as a positive thing.

I have seriously thought long and hard, and have re-read many of the responses to try to figure out what could possibly be wrong with adopting. I just can't understand why someone would be against adoption.

After reading "The Diary of Ma Yan" I am determined to adopt from China in the future.

So...my question is: Why are some people strongly against adoption?

In particular, against International Adoption.

Answer 1

"I never said anything about birthmothers, and to some extent, i do empathize with them having seem countless documentaries and "Adoption Stories" on TV. just yesterday, there was a story on a teenager giving up her daughter, and it was heart-wrenching to see her grief."

Seriously?  This is the most thought you have given to biological families that are forced to relinquish because of circumstances?

Do you really think from the biological family's point of view that adoption is a win-win scenario?  Explain to me how leaving one's child is a good thing.  Even in the worst of conditions of what a child would be raised in if not relinquished or abandoned, it is still a tragedy when a child is relinquished or abandoned.  There is no moving on, there is no being completely comforted by the fact that the child could be in better circumstances.  It is still a tragedy that relinquishment had to happen.

As for specifics with what is wrong with international adoption, like China?  It's the same trouble we have with safe haven adoption domestically.  There are no documents to state where and from whom these children were born from.  There is no chance to know their biological families, only to know their culture possibly - dependent upon their adoptive parent's effort and still it is from only an outsider's point of view.

I would rather see the effort put into keeping families together instead of encouraging the reasons and circumstances that relinquishment and abandonment is necessary in the first place.

And seriously, stop watching "Adoption Stories."

Answer 2

c d: I advise you to read the blogs of adult adoptees who *wanted* to search out their roots and those of first mothers who have reunited. They will explain much beyond the seemingly "anti-adoption" surface that you see on here.

It is far more complex than just assuming adoptees on here are saying "No! Adoption should be stopped at ALL costs! We WANT abusive mothers to keep their children! We WANT children in third-world countries to starve!"

No. We don't say any of that. We don't *believe* any of that, because we recognize that adoption does have its value. A child should never ever stay with an abusive birthmother, just as a child who is malnourished in Africa or Vietnam or Korea should definitely be adopted if the family cannot support him.

P.S. I have also read the diary of Ma Yan, and it's true that in *rural* areas people barely get by each and every day. Of course adoption would be natural solution in these circumstances.

But not all situations in China are this bad. Have you seen The Stolen Children of China (documentary)? Well yes, it's bad there - but that's because they are doing CHILD TRAFFICKING. *ILLEGALLY* taking a child, LURING that child away from his home.

Korea doesn't have the excuse of the One-Child Policy or utmost poverty. Korea isn't even a third-world country. Its adoption "solutions" are based on silence and ignorance and unacceptance of unwed mothers.

clb tucker: Many people simply don't understand the grief that a "birthmother" goes through when she has to relinquish. Many people simply don't *want* to admit that their gain is only based on the tragedy of another. You know, that ol' Fate theory?

Edit The Third - Angela Q: Yes, thank you for saying that. As someone who has tried to connect through voice chat with a language barrier, you are completely right. People really need to put some careful thought into transracial adoption.

Answer 3

Many people simply don't understand the ability of others to love unconditionally, even if a child is not from your own womb.  

Answer 4

http://research-china.blogspot.com/2008_...

please read about this adopters experience in china while adopting and why he has launched a website all about china and its adoption industry.  

Answer 5

this is the defintion of anti-adoption on y/a by hateful adoptees and AP's:

definition of anti-adoption is the following:

1. An adoptee who is in reunion w/ their b-mom.

2. An adoptee who is searching for b-mom.

3. Supporting open records

4. Wanting adoption reforms that benefit all in adoption.

5. just being adopted

this is anti-adoption defined by certain people here on y/a. they spew their hatred and attacks on adoptees who speak about reforms and searching for their b-moms.

Answer 6

If a woman  /  teenager can't provide or is unstable I think adoption is the best gift they can give that child.There are a lot of women / men who can't have children and those are the people who would give that child all the love and support that child would need in life....bd

Answer 7

Adoption as it stands today is no longer about providing a child who has no family, name or place to live with those things but rather to fill the need of couples for various reasons including infertility.

True adoption as it once stood was actually for orphans and those who had NO ONE to care for them and was not necessarily about infants either.  In fact the whole infant adoption thing only became 'hip' in the 1900's after the war era.  Before then and going back to ancient times, it was once about giving a person a name with a future and a life.

Now, adoption goes hand in hand with pain, controversy, crime in some instances and more than usually is NOT ABOUT THE CHILD!

Why does a child have to lose their culture, name and every trace of their past to make others happy?  Why can't people be content with permanent (and that means permanent) foster care?  Why do people have to compete with a child's family ie the one Nature intended them to have?

The sad fact is that many abused children are not the ones put up for adoption.  They are the ones who sit in the system and never have the care and loving homes they deserve.  In the meantime young women who have somehow upset the mores of society by daring to be pregnant at such a youthful age are coerced and tricked into signing over their newborns because that is what people want.  A newborn baby who is seemingly a blank slate and won't remember their past or their parents.

Adoption is not about giving a child a home, it is about giving a couple the baby they covet.

As for Intercountry adoption, why are people spending all that money to get a baby when they could be pooling it together to helping mothers, where possible, keep their babies?  I know their are people out there who do have good intentions and do everything they can to learn culture, language etc to help the child they adopt but sometimes the greatest harm can come from the best intentions.  It happens all the time.

Finally, adoption means Family Separation.  Someone has to be separated in order for an adoption to take place.  There has to be a cleaving in the law of a person from their roots, from everything that makes them who they are.  If adoption was so wonderful, why are two birth certificates needed?  One false, one true?  Why do adopters need to have their name typed in the spot of parent?  If you truly love a child why do you have to take the place of the mother they were born too?  You can still be a special part of a child's life without being their mother.   Adoption is not beautiful.  It is sad, it is agonising and it is cruel to those who have suffered because of it.

Edited to add:  The majority of people promoting adoption as a 'good' thing are the ones who have benefited from another's pain, not the ones who have suffered and there is the proof in the pudding so to speak.  

It also shows how selfish many people are if they are so caught up in how adoption is good for them that they refuse to see the truth of the damage adoption has left in its wake.  I know many adoptive parents who would not adopt again if they knew then what they knew know and the pain it would cause the children they adopted and these are the parents who I believe truly loved their adopted children.

If you can still promote something that you know causes pain and heartache for others and even  the child you adopt, then you MUST look at your own motives as it obviously has nothing to do with the child but your own agenda.  

Another promoting family separation (as that is actually what adoption is all about, nothing else) is the Church which is ironic as if they truly understood the Bible stories and cared to thoroughly research them and the language the Bible was originally translated from, then they would see God is not pro adoption at all.  In fact the main biblical stories that the church sprouts as supporting adoption are doing the opposite!  Moses for one.  

And before the rest of those who want to jump on my case about this (because they are reacting emotionally to this and not rationally), ask yourselves why you adopted the child you adopted?  

As for children being abused etc, that isn't even part of this picture as as already stated, most of those children enter a system and never get out of it.  There are more reasons to be anti adoption than pro so really, it is time it should be eliminated altogether and bring in something that requires no severing of a child's roots but allows them to be safe, secure and protected.  After all, we do want to see what is best for the CHILD don't we?

Answer 8

I am not weighing in on the "adoption" aspect of this question, but on the culture and language part.

As a non-Chinese in a culture where Chinese is not spoken, you can never learn to speak Chinese fluently enough to pass it on to her as a functional language. You cannot "adopt" yourself into the culture of her ancestors in order to pass it on to her. Everything you try to do in this way will be from the perspective of a foreigner.  

Answer 9

Adoption is a multi-billion dollar business today. As it has been said many times on this board and others, it is a demand driven business. There is a high likelihood that the practice of adoption today (including IA) INCREASES the number of children available for adoption. Is that what we want?

Here is an excerpt from an article that addresses this issue:

Conclusion and recommendations:

This study was a preliminary attempt to

explore the link between international

adoption and institutional care for young

children. The evidence does not support

the notion that international adoption

reduces institutional care. On the contrary,

survey data suggest that it may

contribute to the continuation of

institutional care and the resulting harm

to children (Johnson, Browne and

Hamilton-Giachritsis, 2006). International

adoption should be considered

only when it is in the best interests of

the child (UNCRC Article 3). It must be

ensured that the child concerned ‘enjoys

safeguards and standards equivalent

existing in the case of national adoption’

(UNCRC Article 21c), taking ‘all

appropriate measures to ensure that in

intercountry adoption the placement

does not result in improper financial

gains for those involved in it’ (UNCRC

Article 21d). According to the Council

of Europe, ‘there is no such thing as the

right to a child’ (Council of Europe,

2007). There is a pressing need to

reform international adoption services

so that they cease to operate under a

market mechanism and uphold child

rights and the interests of children. In

the meantime, it is important to investigate

this area objectively and take an

evidence-based approach for practice.

Chou, S., and Browne, K., 2008. The relationship between institutional careand the international adoption of children in Europe. ADOPTION & FOSTERING VOLUME 32 NUMBER 1.

Answer 10

I personally think adoption is a good thing. But you have to be ready to do a lot of extra work than you would with a child that is your own. It is hard for the children being adopted to believe that someone else can love them when their own parents left them.

I think some people are against it because they probably can't handle the extra work that you would have to do. They don't want to worry about cultural differences, possible rebellion, etc. But then think about it...even if you have to do extra stuff for the child, imagine what a difference you're making for the long run?

I think that if you are ready to handle everything, adoption is a great thing. Because you are really giving a child love...something that everyone wants.

And yes, it will also be hard for the child...but it's a 2 part relationship. Both sides will have to work to be happy. And I can tell so many stories of people who have been saved by being adopted. So many people have really had their lives changed for the better. And they all admit that it was hard at first...but that's just the way it'll be, but the future is a whole lot brighter. The important thing is that both sides are working at the new relationship.

There are so many sad stories of children being mistreated and abused in orphanages, I would think those are enough to for people to be for adoption...but I guess not. I think it's more out of fear really that people oppose adoption. Like..."if I can't do it, you can't either" kind of attitude. But some people also oppose it because there are stories of children being mistreated by their adopting families.

But it's not like every adoption that there is such problems of cultural differences and rebellion...it's just a possibility.

Answer 11

*sigh*

This again?

Honey, no matter who questions it and how many times it's questioned, people aren't going to change their opinions about IA.  Are you going to change your mind about it?  No, you are still going to adopt a Chinese baby.  And some people are just going to think it's wrong.  That's life, right?

Answer 12

Some people think it is best that the child be left in his/her Country of origin, but for those who do i don't think they know how it feels to be a little girl who isn't wanted. Giving this child a life in america is a great thing, there are many great oppurtunities awaiting her/him here. That doesn't mean your leaving behind their culture bring a few pieces home with  you. Paintings, drawings, music or a movie. Make sure you know so in the future you can tell your child about where they came from. For all those who are against adoption your welcome to have your opinion, but how would you like it if you had nobody who cared for you?Would you want to be left in an orphanage with hundreds of other children, I don't think you would adoption is a great option.

Answer 13

I think my son needed a mom and now he has one.  

I think thousands of kids around the world need loving families.  

I think, in most cases, adoption is amazing!  

I have always thought that it would be unfair of me to give birth to a child when there are so many out there that need homes.

I wish you luck on your journey!  

Answer 14

Just don't worry about it.

My son was adopted from another country - he gets more of his culture than his peers living with parents who grew up in his home country. They think it's a riot - but also they appreciate it.

Most parents who adopt internationally put a great deal of effort into retaining their child's birth culture while allowing them to grow up American like their peers. I'm sure you'll do very well.

Your child will be happy, healthy and bright like the majority of children who come to their families from abroad. There is no reason to spend a moment considering the crazed ranting of a handful of troubled people.

Answer 15

Adoption requires loss.  In order to adopt a child, that child first must lose his or her original family.  

Then, a fictional identity is created.  "These people are now your parents.  You're their child.  Your new name is...."

Then, we erase the old identity.  We seal YOUR records so that you can't see them.  And if you're an international adoptee, you will be removed from your culture and raised in a different culture, where you will be cut off from your language, your religion, and other elements of your identity.  

Some adoptive parents do everything in their power to mitigate everything they can of these problems.  

But adoption is a complicated situation, and many adoptees have complex feelings about it.  One book is not sufficient to understand the nature of adoption.  Read adoptee blogs, other books, etc.  There's a lot out there.  

Answer 16

You are still missing a huge portion of the picture.  Learning the language is nice, but how about reading up on an adoptee's grief?  Abandonment issues?  PTSD, RAD?  

Ever been left by your mother?  Abandoned?  Given over to strangers?

Let me tell you, it doesn't feel too good, and the effects last a LIFETIME.

All adoptees have effects from this, some more than others, and it's this separation from our mothers that creates a lot of difficulties later in life.  Add on to that altered birth certificates, sealed records, a social climate that stigmatizes adopted citizens as "b******s" and second class, maybe if you try to put yourself in our shoes, you might start to realize why some of us want reforms.

Oh and ever wonder why white newborns come with a higher price tag than, say, an AA baby?  Or one with medical problems?  Yeah, commodifying children doesn't make us feel all to human, either.

There is a LOT wrong with the way adoption is practiced, and it needs a MAJOR overhaul.

Just the very fact that thousands of kids are STILL in foster care this very moment, hoping for a family, and we have thousands of families hoping to adopt, yet we can't seem to get the system figured out and get homes for these kids who need them the most?

What seems to be the problem here?

I'll tell you what it is, it's because adoption isn't what it's supposed to be any more.

IA adoption is all well and good, but what does it do to solve the bigger problem...the very reason these kids are available in the first place?  What about their poverty-stricken families who had to stay behind?  Do they not also deserve a better life, food to eat, a home to live in?

I think they do, but does adopting the cute ones really solve the issues?

No, it doesn't.  All it does is passify and put a band-aid on the human-rights issues so we can feel good about ourselves.  

But there are still people starving, still mothers who have to make the soul-crushing decision to abandon her child, because she can't afford to feed the others, can't afford the medical treatments, or maybe mother died and father can't nurse the baby so the baby has to go into care.

The world needs to address the root causes; adoption is not a solution, it's a bandaid.

Answer 17

Its what you don't see thats a problem.

I even posted a question yesterday about the lack of empathy in investigating NGOs as well nparents claims their children in China were kidnapped and never relinquished. Like the mothers who search for their kids my question disappeared from here.

I would strongly advise you to find out what the real story is about any child you wish to adopt because too many times the story the agency will feed you is false.

Read what happens if you even apply for a permit to protest in China.

Can you imagine what happens to a woman there if she tries to call attention to corrupt adoption (its a multimillion dollar business)

http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/20/a...