Any Funny Jokes Out There???

Question

I'm REALLY board, so does anyone have some really funny jokes you can tell me????

Answer 1

what do you get when you cross computers and really self-centered individuals who have really low self-esteem?

a thumbs down troll

ha ha

►☼◄

Answer 2

What did the momma chicken say to the chicks when they got in the car? Buck! Buck! Buckle up!

Knock, Knock  Who's There? Who   Who Who? Be quiet you're not a owl!

What type of phones do mermaids use? Shell Phones

What did the momma train say to the baby train when they were eating?  Chew! Chew!

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide

Why did the earth cross the road? cuz there was a hot jupiter on the other side

Answer 3

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have s*x I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have s*x with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having s*x with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old f**t," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August"

Answer 4

what kind of bee's produce milk?

'boo-bee's!!'

ahahahhahahahah

Answer 5

A farmer bragged to another farmer that he had the largest sheep farm in the region.  The other farmer asked him how many sheep he had, but the other farmer did not know because he keeps falling asleep counting them.

Answer 6

I hope you mean bored, this should pick you up.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from s*x for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.

"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from s*x for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."

Answer 7

Yes.

Answer 8

_____A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.

His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?'

'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !'

'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'

'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!'

There's a few minutes of silence.

'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.

'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.

'Jews sink Titanic.'

'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'

'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.'

_____

A guy is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and, although familiar, he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry, do you know me?"

She replies " I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children".

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful.

"Christ" he says. "Are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ****?

"No" she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher."

Answer 9

I made up this one myself...

RANDOM

That was I joke because I randomly said random...

I know, it wasn't at all funny.

Answer 10

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied,

'now just rest and let the poison work.'