Any One adopted AFTER a sibling was kept ?

Question

Anyone have OLDER Siblings ?

How do you feel about a child before you being kept but you were given up for adoption

Do you think it hurts more, or can do more to a child's psychological self and self esteem than if you were the 1st child given up for adoption?

PS and for those that say babies aren't *given up for adoption* Um YES They are and don't as a non adopted person try and tell me otherwise !!!

Answer 1

i wasnt adopted but my mother gave up a son at birth  in 1980 when i was 2. i have always wondered why my grandparents were in a way ok with her giving him up while they made her keep me...

Answer 2

Yes my birthmother had another daughter about 2 years older then me. She was being raised by birthmothers mother. However since I was bi-racial her mother refused to take me. .Does it bother me? That she stayed in the birthfamily and I did not?  Not really honestly being mixed raced is a huge part of who I am so I am not really disappointed that I did not stay with a family where some family members would not have accepted me. Even if I had stayed with birthmother instead I would have had to have seen her mother at times since she was raising birthmother’s first child. Lucky I was adopted into a family that loved me and accepted me for who I was a multiracial person. I have a grandmother who loves me and accepts me for who I am and treats me no different then her other grandchildren.

I guess for some others I could see how it might effect them more and be a sting to them.

Answer 3

Adopted Jane,

Thank you for this question.  My oldest daughter is the middle daughter in her first family.  This has been her biggest struggle so far.

I remind her that it has nothing to do with her personally.  There was nothing she did that was wrong.  That had she been born first she would have been with first mom and her other sister would have been with us. It had more to do with birth order.

Its a tough one.  I struggle trying to explain it to DD.  I'm anxious to hear the answers.

****I also reported Lovable.

Answer 4

I think it would hurt more ... i think it would hurt a h**l of a lot more , i also think it hurts when you find out your biological parents are still together and had more kids.

Answer 5

I am the eldest.  She kept two daughters after me.  And that really hurts.  But I suspect that being relinquished after another child had been kept would be much more hurtful.

Either way, the adoptee is left wondering:  Why did I have to be given away?  What was so defective about me?  Am I unlovable?

Answer 6

I don't have any older siblings thank god. I had issues enough with my younger ones who were kept when I was rejected.

I think its difficult to say what hurts more. Some people aren't bothered about being adopted, for others it can ruin lives, so it depends more on the person than the situation.

Answer 7

My Dad has an older sibling that his mother kept and he is angry about that.  He is almost 60 and still has no contact with his natural family.  

My son is in the same situation, so I'm very interested in this question.  He's just 3, and I don't want him to be like my Dad.  I hope he (my son) would want to know his natural family.