Any advice: Thinking of ending my relationship but I am 7 ths pregnant...Advice please:?

Question

I have been w/ my partner 2 1/2 yrs. I 'm thinking of ending things, he has 12 yrs old child w/many behavioral issues. We receive phone calls on weekly basis from school. He's on a conduct sheet in school & recently suspended on superintendent level for hurting child w/ a sharp object. During my whole pregnancy my partner went to 1 appt only. He's constantly taking off to meet w/ school officials.I was very supportive & helped out plenty at start.Help identify behaviors, set up chore chart & incentives at home had child evaluated (in process but ADHD is confirmed) I even paid for this evaluation b/c it was out-of network of my partner's coverage but 7 mths into my pregnancy I feel lonley & like a single mother.The child requires too much attention & I feel new baby will not get needed attention. When it was just me I was willing but now I have to think of my baby's well being & modeling healthy behavior.I feel the envirnment is toxic & dysfunctional.Don't want 2 bring my baby up in it

Answer 1

What do you do if your child is born into this world with a disability, do you then run out on that child as well?

I'm not judging.

You're pregnant, so you're worrying about waaaaay into the future... I so understand.. I've been there.. I use to worry about how I'd put her through college when I was pregnant!! I would literally have sleepless nights stressing about this!!  It comes with getting prepared to be a mother.

Just think about your decision first.

If this is the only reason then I suggest you rethink it.

If your partner is a good person, father (sounds like it to me if he's trying to get his kid help) and he's a good man to you.... then don't leave.

This issue with his child will work out.... just give it time, patience is a vertue..

Tell your partner that you need him to take up most of the slack so that you can relax.... cause when you're stressed guess who else is stressed???

Calmly talk to him about your worries, ..... I'm sure if he's a good man he'll understand.... don't ever just leave in the heat of the moment... don't make these decisions either w/out talking to him & listening to what he has to say... he may not even know that you're this worried, stressed.....

Answer 2

If you're asking yourself the question, I think you're already on your way out. And, frankly, I think you're right. Nothing is going to change when the baby is born and things will probably only get worse. Believe me, raising your child alone in a environment that you can live with is much easier than staying where you are and coping with your partner and his child. It's also so much better for your baby. Put your child first and do it now.

Answer 3

Well, You should just think about what is best for the baby. When it grows up it is gong to wonder where its father is, but then again, if you think he is not fit to be a father then you wouldn't it want it to grow up with a father like that.

Answer 4

Your child needs a father.   I would talk to him about your concerns.  If your boyfriend is willing to take that much time for his first son it shows he cares and will care about his second child.  men aren't all into going to the doctors to begin with.  Everyone i know was suprised I got my husband to go to the appointments with me.  But it was like pulling teeth.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Yes, I think I would. If it is a stress now, I promise it will be a stress later. Besides, you have only been with him 2 1/2 years... yes that's a long time, but it doesn't sound like you have gained anything from it.

Answer 6

sounds to me like you need to say to your partner "Look, we've been together for a long time and I have been there as much as I can, but I feel like I am running out of energy to give. Dealing with your child is a full time job, and I am trying at the same time to get ready for our baby. I cannot do this all alone, and if things don't change immediately, I don't think I can continue to stay in this dysfunctional enviroment. It's not healthy for me, and it will not be healthy for the baby." He brought his child into the world, and he needs to step up and be the dad, you can't be expected to do it all. I think it's possible to be a great blended family, but only if everyone is on the same page. The child in question needs some serious discipline and that may need to come from outside your home, no 12 year old should be wreaking enough havoc to potentially tear apart a new family. You and your baby need to be top priority right now, and if your partner is not willing to accomodate that, you need to distance yourself and do what is best for YOU.

Answer 7

just think about ur new baby coming in to this world with no dad to look up to =/ ...dont do it, i mean if u seriously want to do it and there are more problems like u arent attracted to him anymore, or u fight alot, and u dont get attention then u might feel like ur in the relationship alone so i feel u on that...perhaps having a talk with him...not yelling or crying...just having a really serious talk with him will help im sure...just try it out...ud want the baby to have a father that can be around so u cant just think about one part of the situation..i wish u luck hun

Answer 8

noo, if you love your husband/boyfriend stay togetherr! It will only make things worse for everyone if you end your relationship. I had the same problem but as soon as my baby girl came along, my other 13 year old boy stopped creating trouble, and matured, started helping out with the baby. He loves the new baby girl, and he has really changed. But the consequences of breaking your relationship are badd. Your baby/son will grow up in a broken home, he will only create more troubles, and im sure your boyfriend will be lonely and stressed out.  Life is about choosing that special person, and going through life together...for better, for worse, and in sickness and in health . Talk to your spouse also, and maybe things will get better .

Also, about the 12 year old son situation...try doing things more as a family, and have family gatherings. Watch movies together, go to theme parks, and other adventurous things that will keep him company. Let him know that you love him, and be sweet to him. DON'T YELL! it only makes things worse!!   Just sit down and talk to him.Remember, kids pick up on their parent's habits. If you fight a lot,  its almost a guarantee that it is affecting your son.

:) hope i could helpp!

Answer 9

very understandable that you want to leave, I would sit down with my partner and discuss why you want to leave, and your fears, and also discuss it the both of you with the 12 year old about how you think it may be better for your health and the baby's health and well being to move out for a while until things improve at that household.