Any advice for a doula with a young client planning to place?

Question

A colleague on one of my doula lists is working with a young girl who is making the decision to place her child. She's looking for advice and personal experiences, and i figured this was a good place to get perspectives other than my own to pass on to her.

A doula, for those who don't know, is professional labor support, providing emotional and physical, but not clinical support to laboring mothers.

Answer 1

Make sure she knows her legal rights, that no one can make her do anything.  Have her be prepared in advance to go to a hospital for medical care if needed.

I have heard so many birth moms say that agencies strong armed them into making decisions, and I advise going through one.

She has the right to ask for open adoption, where she can see the baby, get pictures, etc.  

As an adoptive parent, (who is hoping to adopt again, in case she doesn't have parents picked), when a woman gives her child up, she is giving a part of herself, and the woman that gets the baby is so blessed in so many ways.  It is a gift of love, because she knows she can't raise the baby, and if the adoptive mother sees it as any other way, she needs to find a new one.  My prayers are with her for a short and easy labor, and for the baby, that it finds good parents.

Answer 2

Keep any agency personell and prospective adoptive parents out of the delivery room and allow her private time with her baby

Answer 3

just know that as a woman, this is an extremely hard time for her, just hold her, tell her you are there, and no matter what learn from this experience. Open up your heart so you can help the next woman who you help along this journey. This profession that you have chosen is not just to assist in labor and delivery of the mother and child...you are a woman who has devoted her life to being a voice, shoulder to cry on, ear to listen and a heart to break with, for other women. This path you have chosen will not always be rainbows and butterflies, some days you will just need to hold them  :) Hang in there .

Answer 4

Since the young girl has picked a doula to help with the birth process it seems that she cares deeply for her child and maybe has strong spiritual insights.  My best advice would be to definately connect with the birth parents and meet with them several times, not just once, truly get to know them and see how they are at their core and if their values and beliefs match with hers.  Then she would know and understand the household in which the child is raised.

Answer 5

Give her time to be with her child, alone.

Answer 6

Make sure she doesn't say anything harmful, it's so easy to make a comment about adoption and the birth mother change her mind last minute. She doesn't need to be influenced either way, it's her choice and should be kept that way. It's difficult when someone is placing and your in the hospital with the mother. Just make sure she gets lots of support. :)

Answer 7

Note to some of the other posters, she's not a birth mother - she's a pregnant woman who is contemplating making an adoption plan.  ~puts soap box away~

If I were the doula, I'd just be there for the client.  If the reasons for the adoption plan is financial, maybe help her with resources that would allow her to parent.  I'd offer assistance with finding a counselor for her who specializes in this particular situation.

There are tons of first mother and first father blogs, adoptive parent blogs that she can gain some insight.