Any advice for kids involved in a divorce?

Question

I am seventeen years old and my parents have to decided to divorce. I also have a younger 13 year old sister. My sister and I always have to cope with fights inside the home, tension around my parents, and silence at the dinner table. It is very hard, especially on my sister. Its like I don't want to come home anywhere because of all the disgust. I am really confused and I don't know how to take sides. I see my dad always crying and my mom just stares into space and does not answer me when I call her sometimes. I just don't know how to deal with it and I try to tell my sister that everything will be okay. My dad wants to keep the family together and says that divorce is destruction and my mom says that she has no feelings for my dad..please if anyone could give me some advice, I would take it dear to my heart. Thank You so much

Answer 1

First of all I am so sorry you and your sister are going through this.

Don't choose sides.  There are probably issues on both sides and you don't know what all the issues are.  Maintain a relationship with BOTH your parents.  You need them both.  Try and stick close to your sister because you can both give each other a little stability until all the dust settles on your parent's issues.  Don't let it sour you on marriage for yourself.  Just because your parents are having a difficult time doesn't mean you won't have a good marriage.  Encourage them to please, for the sake of the family, go to see a counselor because you need them both.

Sometimes things get so blown out of proportion for people with marital difficulties because all they think about is THEIR point of view.  Let them know it affects you and your sister too and it would mean so much to you if they would seek help for the family's sake.

Answer 2

You need to tell your parents that you want to talk. You and your sister need to sit down with them and tell them just what their fighting and the tears and silence are doing to you. Let them know that you're hearing it, seeing it, and feeling it from them and it's hurting you and your sister badly.  Talk it through. I don't think they realize how badly this is effecting you, sweetie.  I never wanted my children to be hurt or effected by divorce, although I realized it was inevitable.  Your parents just need a gentle reminder that you and your sister have eyes and ears in the house too.

Please don't feel that you need to take sides, because you don't, and your parents should not require you to make a choice like that in the first place.  They need to leave you and your sister out of it.  If faced with a choice about who you want to be with, say "both of you". Divorce is an adult matter, and children should never be involved....this is why you need to let them know exactly how this is effecting you and your sister. I wish you the best, sweetie.

Answer 3

First, I am sorry you have to deal with this.  You should not take sides or feel that is your responsibility.  This is your parents issue (and they need to figure it out).  Unfortunately, your parents are two human beings that feel a lot of emotions at play right now...they can't hide it from you and you are hurting.  My first advice, seek a counselor for you to talk to who can help you through the transition.  Right now your mom and dad are struggling emotionally and it sounds like you could use a professional to vent and share feelings with.  The "right" counselor can help you and your sister with your anger, fears, sadness, etc.  Divorce can be civil if "both" parents participate in the raising of the children afterwards. I'm very sorry you have to go through this, but my children were quite happy kids even though their father and I divorced. I had a friend tell me she had never met happier kids...my focus was on them. So, please seek help so you can share your feelings with someone other than your friends. Contact a hospital and ask for references of marriage/family therapists. It will make a big difference in how you adjust to the changes forthcoming if the divorce should happen. Blessings to you.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  You and you sister need to get your parents to sit down with you as a family, tell them how you feel, and discuss all the options...I'm sure they want what is best for you, but unless you give them your input, they might just assume they know what you want and how you feel.  Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

remember that these things don't happen on purpose. Your parents probably never planned on divorcing. Their minds were probably thinking spending the rest of their lives together. Sometimes it's just too hard for 2 people to be together for such a long time. Never blame yourself or your sister. kids are the main reason for some couples to want to get married. Grownups always talk about getting married and having kids. Just remember your parents will always love you.no matter what they;re still gonna take care of you and help you whenever wherever  

Answer 6

I just got done going through a 3 year custody battle for my parents.

I know exactly where you are coming from. First things first don't help your little sister choose sides, she is still young enough to love both of your parents as equals, she is too young to have to choose sides.

And for you, you should stay true to yourself. you don't have to choose sides, even though you see you dad crying, that doesn't mean you have to be on his side, you mom could possibly trying to stay strong for you and your sister so you  guys don't have to see her weak. Thats what my mom did. The divorce is always mutual, nothing will keep you and you sister away from seeing your parents, they will love you as much as they always did no matter what happens. And that will never change. you have to stay strong for you sister, and your mother and father. It is not right for them to be putting this pressure on you, but you can do it. Once the divorce is over you wont have to worry about the fighting.

I realized when my parents divorce was over a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Stay strong, things will get better

I'll keep you in my prayers