Any advice for living together with kids?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have dated a year and are madly in love. We moved in together and he has 2 boys ages 11 and 15. I have a son 15 and a daughter 11. I ahve totally accepted his kids and get along great with them. However; he doesn't even try with my kids, He never talks to them and actually acts like they are a burden. He doesn't say that but thats how I feel. I am so upset and hurt. I have thought about moving out and it's only been a month. Any advice on how to deal with this situation? How do I show him that he has to make adjustments just like I did? Serious answers only please.

Answer 1

Cat too bad you two didn't discuss this before moving in with each other.  Bit it is certainly not to late to have a good open minded and mature conversation about how things are working out and how you'd like to see them working.  Be honest and let him know how he is treating your kids is affecting you and your relationship with him.  After you adults have come to some form of compromise then it might be very worthwhile to have a meeting of both blended families together and set up some rules, expectations etc.  It's often difficult to blend families together but can be done and often is but it does take a lot of work.  Best of luck.

Answer 2

It is never easy to combine two households when children are involved. You will always face issues with your relationship and will always run into problems with agreeing what is best for the children. Your way of raising children will not always be what your partners way is. And if you feel as if he isn't paying your children the same respect as you do to his you really need to sit down and talk to him before you make any decisions. If he love's you he will try. Just remember this is a learning experience for him as well and sometimes men don't know how to handle things so they ignore the situation. I also live with my boyfriend and have two children 18 and 14 and he has a 12 year old. We have lived together for five years and have had plenty of fights regarding the children. Just know it won't last forever and the children will grow up and move away. As long as he's not bad to your children and you love him  want to spend your life with him things can always be worked out. Communication is the key and if he doesn't respond to that then make whatever decision you have to, because your children always need to come first and if you don't think it's a good environment for them then you know what you have to do.  

Answer 3

I was in the same situation as a child. Combining families is almost always difficult so don't think about moving out quite yet. Have some family movie nights so he can get to know them better.  It will come naturally.  There are many books about this kind of thing.  Check the library.  You and him can read them together and he'll get the hint.

Answer 4

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL AND IF HE CARES HE WILL MAKE AND EFFORT.  IF HE DOESN'T CHANGE YOU WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE YOUR KIDS ALWAYS COME FIRST.

Answer 5

So many things have to be talked about. First have a talk with hima nd decide what the house rules wll be and everything. Tell him how much he has hurt you by being this way. Then have a family meeting and let the kids all know what the new rules are. Its a big adjustment for everyone and kids will try to test you and see how much they can get away with.  

Answer 6

He needs some time with your children to see who they are, perhaps he feels some resentment from them or just not do well with children,

  I would suggest a family project so everyone can work together and also have some fun, and in the end you have something that is a part of all of you. working together can be fun if you don't treat the children like little slaves or something , keeping in mind it's just for quality time together, a fun project that is to be enjoyed by everyone like installing a Coi pond would be a great example and can be done in a weekend, everyone can have their own fish, it's easy enough to maintain and could result in more allowance for them to help with. Good Luck

Answer 7

You need to talk to him. One of the best advice I can give is "Do not have two sets of rules for each set of siblings". They need to be treated equally. When I was a kid, it was very hard when my little sister, from a different father, got treated better than me.

You may also want to consider couple counseling to learn more about how to communicate and deal with conflicts differently.

Answer 8

You should try to talk to him about the situation, ask if hes really burdened by your children living there. If he says that is then I would definately move out, you could still date I just wouldnt want to put my children in that situation. But if he says that he is okay with them then stay, Im sure he will adjust, men sometimes have troubles adjusting with kids that arent their own. Goodluck!! (:

Answer 9

Have a talk with him.  Tell him what you see is happening with your kids and him and tell him how you truly feel.  If he doesn't want to change or won't accept your kids then just leave.  If he can't accept them now he never will and it will hurt your kids in the end if they don't fit in.

Answer 10

i say talk to him. Talk to him when he's in a good mood, when the kids are away when he's not stressed about anything. again remember that guys don't show affection as much as girls.  but still, if he shows affection towards his kids and not yours you may still have a talk with him