Any advice on my parenting style?

Question

First of all I had my first child at a very young age. I was 17 at the time. Right now she is like the only person I talk to. My son is 13 and he is very smart and mature for his age. I think both my kids are very mature for his age. Even my 3 year old, although she has Down Syndrome is very independent and helpful. I tend to give them too much responsibilities and let them go out everyweekend. They are very good kids. But I get from people around me negative comments and I become very confused. They tell me, "How can you let them out and sleep over at other friends houses?; How can you let your son do whatever he wants at home?" But my daughter 17 is very responsible, she works, she goes to school, she is a dancer and she will be graduating this coming year from high school. My son helps me out with the babies, cleans wash dishes and evens cooks sometimes(something basic such as eggs, sandwiches, pancakes....). But I see other parents weird and they think I am weird too. Am I making

Answer 1

Hehe. You sound like where I'll be ten years from now. Let her be jealous. I'll bet she went home and the words, "Why can't you do like ________'s and help me out a little bit around here?" came out of her mouth!

  There's nothing wrong with it, if there was, you'd hear it from your kids. My sons are only 4 and 6 years old, but they help me out more than kids twice their age do around here! I just ignore the comments. What you are doing helps your kids more than letting them laze away while you do everything for them.

Answer 2

You got to see what kind of people they are find out because they are allot of people like pedophiles you got to do your homework yes they are nice kids but what about the people they are with when they sleep over do you know those people are all for you just to let them go with no history background meaning you have to know them i know you trust your kids but what about those people they are staying with in the weakened

do you know them ?

Answer 3

it seems like your style works for you which is all that matters in the end. dont let people tell you that you are doing things wrong because it seems to me you are doing just fine. independence and helpfulness in children is a GREAT thing. GOOD JOB!

Answer 4

Do you know where your son is staying and how to get ahold of him?  If he's staying out, does he check in once in a while?  Do you trust where he's staying at?  Is your son getting good grades in school and sleeping and eating like he should?  If you answered yes to all of those, I see nothing wrong with your parenting style.  I used to stay over night at friends houses all the time at that age.  I just had to let my mom know where I was and who I was with.  

You state "How can you let your son do whatever he wants at home?"  Can you clarify where that might be coming from, I see no other reference in your question that would give any hints why they might say that.

I'd guess those other parents' kids have been naughty and so they don't trust their own kids and assume ALL kids act that way.

Answer 5

You made your friend feel inadequate, so to make herself feel better, she had to criticize you.  It could be that you ask your children to do to much, how am I to know, but are they complaining that they don't get to do this or that?  It doesn't sound like it.  So basically,  next time someone says something to you, you could ask your kids, in front on her, do I expect too much of you, and they would probably say no.  This would shut her up.  Good luck, slave driver, just kidding lol

Answer 6

I think parents should give their kids alot of freedom, but make sure their lives are going in the right direction. If you don't give them enough freedom they will tend to get rebellious or will do alot of bad things when they get older. But I wouldn't concern myself with other people's negative comments, everyone parents in their own way.

Answer 7

i think that you are doin ok... if they are being repsonsible then i wont worry... everyone thinks that their way is better... but if your kids aint doin drugs or drinkin or goin around an sleepin with everyone an goin to church somewhere then you are doin a very good job....parentin is very hard on someone on any age.... im 22 and have one kid and another on the way... and when i was 10, 11 i was cookin for me and my sister and mom sometimes just to help out... she didnt ask i just wanted to help...

Answer 8

if it works for you. then keep up the good work. My kids are 11 and 9 and have more of a social life then i do. they are always going places with their Friends and their Friends are always at our house. What's wrong with having responsible kids? I think your sister in law is jealous.  Having independent kids means they will be independent adults and probably do real well for themselves. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 9

You love your children.  You know where they are.  You know what they are doing, and they respect you by being open with you.  You are raising them to be independant adults.  You are instilling values of being responsible and making decisions and helping out with their family.  Are you doing something wrong? NO!!!!! You are doing something right!  Will other people judge?  Yes they always will, but let them raise their family how they see fit and you raise yours to work for you.  Trust me, your children are not out of control and they seem to be cool with helping out. So where is the problem?  Your son can cook?!  Good for you.  They help with the young ones?  Awesome.  You are doing a fine job, and your children love you, and you love them.  What more can we ever ask for?

Answer 10

no you have accomplished what the rest of the world should be doing with thier children, communication. children and adults need to know what is expected of them and so on and since you have lots of communication with you kids and they have learned to be empathetic, responsible and self sufficient then dont be worried about other people.

i see this everyday where children are not expected to do anything around the house until they are almost out of school and then the parents wonder why thier kids are so out of control. it starts at a younge age and children cannot be coddled even the special needs kids.

be proud of the strange comments other parents give and take it as a compliment that you are doing something right even if it isnt the norm.(if your friends jumped off a bridge would you also?)

sounds like you have great kids!!!

Answer 11

if it works for you, do it. other people need to start minding their business when it comes to things that don't concern them. if your kids are safe and well adjusted then kudos to you. more kids should have a few more responsibilities!

Answer 12

They might look down on you cause you are a young mom. Have you ever watch Gilmore Girls? Thats a show about a young mom who is extremely close to her daughter.

I think that its important to know what your kids are up to. know when your daughter is going to work, dance, etc. And know the homes of the kids they are going to see and stay the night at. Trust is huge and sounds like you trust your kids a lot. Thats a good thing. I say just make sure you know where your kids are but don't become overbearing about it.

I'm 19 and I had a ton of freedom my junior and senior year of high school. I hated when my friends were burdened by calling their parents with every move we made around town or had to be in by 10PM (a couple friends who still live at home while at college still have to do that).

To sum up, you're doing fine as long as you know where they are at, how they are doing in school, know who their friends are, and if you spend time with them.

Answer 13

Well, it sounds like what you have going works for you and your kids.  

Why would you care what others think?

I mean, you say you and your kids talk a lot, and I believe that is the most important thing.

So, ignore others, and don't waste time on questioning something that is working for you.

You're not on here telling us how your daughter is pregnant, and your son is on crack.

Be happy.  :)

Answer 14

I think parents that make decisions other than mine are strange.  Don't you?  Think about it - you're doing what you think is best for your child, and it works, right?  So if you were to do what some mom's would do and put restrictions on sleepovers, would that make sense to you?  Nope.  Remember - YOU are YOUR child's mom.  Nobody else lives with them and interacts with them, and what works for you is fine, especially since they seem like well adjusted kids that aren't out robbing grocery stores!