Any advice on my poetry? I am 13

Question

this is a poem I wrote for school loosely based on the book Gossamer by Lois Lowry about the bestowall of dreams and how they relate to life. p.s. this is the second poem ive ever written. what do u think?

Sending dreams to all the living

Is the best of all the giving

One gentle touch to a joyful memory

not one human mind can see

But the silent giver hidden in the shadow

fighting, warding nightmares in battle

one light touch of a giver is all it needs

the most wonderful dreams it will lead

A single button reminds her of her past

that seemed to go way too fast

memories she'd hope would last

now just linger in her mind

hope to lost love ones he has yet to find

One photo sends a tingle to her lips

A glimpse, a thought of that long lost kissCaressingg memories of those days of love and bliss

Of the youthful times shes sure to miss

just lost memories so it seems

Wake up to find they all but dreams

Feelings someone still loves her

this is the simplistic beauty of the Gossamer

Answer 1

First of all, I like it..and what I like more is Ur attitude toward life at this age.so in general its good.In Ur Additional Details, U gave the impression that U don't like to be criticized, but i 'll do any how.

1) U didn't follow a pattern.U started w/ 2 line stanzas, then 3, then back to 2 , then 4, then back to 2..etc. What was that? A Fibonacci series ?

2)U started w/ rhyming then U forgot about it, then back to rhyming!

3) In the 2nd stanza U made a contradiction by saying "not one human mind can see", because its been seen by one person.

I haven't read Gossamere , but it seems it good book to read. Keep on reading and writing. Share w/ us Ur poems and good luck  

Answer 2

thats actually really good... is this for fun or for school or what? you have some talent i think. keep at it!

Answer 3

Nice poem!  

Although I never read the Gossamer, I did read The Giver so I was able picture what going on a little.  It kinda sounds like you were summarizing the book a bit through poetry which is cool.

About your poem, I think the 7th stanza, 2nd line can be shorten up in a way if you're picky about stanza size like me.  

My example: "A glimpse that long lost kissCaressingg memories of love and bliss"

Most importanty keep writing, sharing and improving your poems!  Good luck!

Answer 4

im 13, and like 2 write poety... but try to go deep with your poety, and make it all connect, your poem doesnt really connect or even really make sense, and dont sound too desprate for rhyms either, u know what i mean? dont make it sound as if u are just trying to put a whole bunch of words on paper and make them rhym, have meaning to it.