Any advice on raising a 4 year old perfectionist?

Question

My son is 4 and he has been writing his name since 3 and writing all the letters of the alphabet. This year he has found a love for drawing and art in school and at home. If he goes out of the lines he crys and rips up his paper and verbalizes anger at himself. If he messed up on his first letter on a page he needs a new paper. It is heart breaking to see a 4 year old so hard on himself. My husband and I are in no way perfectionists actually we are really layed back . When we do punish him for doing something wrong he hits himself in the head really hard saying he is bad. This kills me...so I hug him and explain he isn't a "bad" boy but the action he did was wrong.

Answer 1

Just keep letting him know it is OKAY to make mistakes, and let him continue to make them. Instead of letting him berate himself when he does make a mistake try sitting with him and try to fix the mistake, or remark how unique it makes the picture look.

Answer 2

My youngest child has done this since she was 2. She's almost 6, now.

I've tried making mistakes in front of her, talking to her, her big sis has showed her it's normal to make mistakes, etc. I have talked to her teachers and they say she is a model student, though, and has never shown frustration- BUT that she tries very hard to be *perfect* with her work.

She has grown out of the banging her head on the floor when she makes mistakes, thank gawd!- but she still pulls her hair and smacks herself in the face. I just grab her hands and tell her we are going to count to 10 slowly and quietly. Then usually she will cry for a minute or 2 lightly before she regains her composure.

I know how frustrating this can be. One small thing can ruin the whole day. Even her socks have to be a certain way. I've had my share of going to the bathroom to cry after some of her outburst.

The best advice I can give is to simply help him count to 10- and hold his hands so he can't do his body harm. Other than that, try hard to ignore his little outburst (unless he's hurting himself) and try to let him work it out on his own.

Answer 3

WOW poor little darling have you tried maybe sitting down with him to draw and make mistakes yourself, draw outside the lines maybe draw someone with a purple head and green legs, i would also ask his kindy teacher how he is interacting at kindy, my daughter was very particular when she was young, her room would always have to be imaculate and her toys on her bed laid out a particular way i just went with it and she doesn't care anymore but hitting himself and emotionally beating himself up is a worry.

Answer 4

When my kids started doing this, I would sit down and draw or color with them and then make a mistake.  I would comment on my mistake and then think out loud on how I could fix it so no one would know.  With my daughter, the extra line became a flower, with my son, it became some type of bug or a dinosaur.