Any childfree people willing to admit they just don't like kids?

Question

My husband and I are happily childfree for many reasons, but the main one I'd say is that I don't like children. Seriously, I don't find them cute or adorable in any way. I know it's taboo to say, but it's really how I feel. Now, I'm not MEAN to children. I just avoid being around them when possible: ask for a table away from them at restaurants, go to late night movies (although that's no guarantee anymore), travel using adult only travel tours, etc... Clearly, if I'm forced to interact with a child I'm capable of seeming pleasant enough until they go away.

However, today a co-worker who had been out on maternity leave stopped in with her baby today. She's a nice enough gal, we chat a little, but she's not my best friend or anything. Anyway, everyone was ohhhing and awwwing over her baby, and I was keeping my distance trying to concentrate on my work. Then, of course she comes over with the baby. And, I'm just so over it. I'm 25, and I'm tired feigning interest in children. She asks, "Do you want to hold the baby? Take a picture with her?" I politely say, "No, thank you." Already people are looking at me like I just said I kill puppies for fun. Then she pushes it saying, "How could you not want to hold this precious little girl?!" So, I guess i get a little snippy and reply, "Because your precious little girl is smelly, drooling, and is likely to start screaming at any moment. There is no part of me that even remotely desires to go near that thing." She made a face and finally walked away.

Did I lose my cool, yes. But, wasn't she pushing it? Tell me I'm not wrong? Tell me we can finally move into an age where people can freely admit they don't care about your kids?

Answer 1

Dolyn, you definitely lost your cool.  Maybe you should have faked having a cold or something.  But, this coworker was way too pushy. Why would anyone insist someone hold her baby when you -clearly-  stated you didn't want to?  I think it's ignorant and stupid to assume that just because you don't like kids you are a bad or selfish person.  Wouldn't it be more dishonest and hypocritical to say you loved children just so that people  accepted you?  Believe me, you're not alone on this one.  But you are definitely  -almost-  alone when it comes to being honest about it.  What I do hate is mothers who don't discipline their kids and don't care enough to teach them any manners, and who show no consideration for the people around them who have to put up with the screams, being stepped on, etc. more than dislike kids.  

Answer 2

http://community.livejournal.com/childfr...

I think you'd fit right in.

Answer 3

I have friends who are childless and have told me that they would rather not come to my home, and I am okay with that, I would rather that they not be annoyed by my kids and say or do something that would offend me and ruin the friendship. Besides, it's nice to be able to hook up with them and just go do something since they don't have to worry about babysitting!

If you don't want kids; PLEASE don't have any or allow some well-meaning moron to judge you for not having one or some. Being a parent is OPTIONAL. I really do not want to have to shoot your unloved child for acting out by trying to rob me or something.

Answer 4

yea, im 28 and I dont like kids either. I have no problem telling people that though.

Answer 5

I don't dislike kids.  I do find children to be intimidating at times, and many of their behaviors disturb and aggravate me, but as a general rule I like kids - over *there*.

What I dislike more, however, is the vast majority of parents.  The mother you encountered is one of those I loathe - the ones that believe their child is irresistible and foists little Bratleigh or little Hellionne off onto you despite protests.  Or feels that she deserves special treatment because she's managed, like millions before and after her, to produce an infant from her loins.  (I went to the movies and a mother/father tag team tried to get my boyfriend and I to move so they could sit in the front row of the second section.  Her excuse:  "We have CHILDREN."  My response.  "We were EARLY."  We stayed put.)

Answer 6

Unfortunately this is something you will always have to face.  I admit, there are many many kids out there that I do not wish to be around, but what do you expect from parents?  

Esp. in this baby boom phase...I think everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby.  I should take stock in babies r us--I spent a small fortune on these babies this summer.

I usually make the excuse that I'm not feeling very well.  You'll be surprised at how fast those parents move away from you with their kids!

They say it will be different when it's your kids...we'll see!  Lol...good luck.

Answer 7

Hubby and I have been married 15 years and childfree by choice. We like children to a certain degree. We love our nieces and nephews...in small doses!

I understand how you feel about the restaurant thing. Children are fine in restaurants when they're not screaming, throwing food and acting like maniacs. Although poor behavior with some children is often a direct result of inconsistant discipline!

As far as your coworker insisting that you fawn over her daughter, that is what is ASSUMED and EXPECTED of all women. Most people can not imagine that some of us don't want children, that we don't find babies and children the cutest things on earth!

I find it wise to sympathize with others and humor them to a certain degree when they bring their kids to work. They already think I'm a freak because my life's ambition does not involve children. So I ooohh and awww and then get back to work.

As far as an age when we can freely admit that we don't care about others kids...it will NEVER occur.  Children will always be the end all be all of existance.   99% of the population think that's what they're supposed to do...reproduce for **insert self satisfying explanation**

Answer 8

IM 34, married for 4 years, no children, not thinking about children, but I certainly have a positive actitude toward them.  Get over it, you dont have to be so negative about children.

Answer 9

I have kids and sometimes I don't like them either.  I just don't have patience with little kids any more.

Not everyone is a kid person and no one should be forcing their children upon you.  Don't let it bother you.

Answer 10

I personally love kids but I know many people parents included who do not like children I think its better that a person is honest with themselves if they don't like kids and no one should push there baby on someone else especially when

they politely declined.

Answer 11

I have two and love them. But it was a huge commitment that not everyone is cut out for. Its cool if you dont like or want kids.

Answer 12

you should have been nice, it would had only been for a couple of minutes. I hear ya i dont like kids either. my neice needed a sitter for her baby for a week, i agreed to keep her and on the 2nd day i took her back. i felt held down. i could not do as i pleased like i usually do. she was a cry baby to. i have 3 kids and i love them but they are 10-11-14 girls and they are brats. I dont have to tend to them ne more but i do show them one on one love and attention.. but when they are all together i go to my room and close my door. all they do is fight and argue. i am so glad that i did not have a boy. you may grow out of this. If not that is good cause this world is to bad to bring a life into.  

Answer 13

Well then I'm glad you don't have kids. Just don't say anything when you're old and alone. Kids are the most precious gifts of life. I'd say you are so selfish and only think of yourself. Cause you are SO lazy that you would mind caring for a child. That's what it is, you're just a lazy person who doesn't want to clean after her own baby. Sure it's tough, but it's all worth it. And you were totally a jerk with your co-worker!

Answer 14

There is nothing wrong with you not wanting children. I have two kids of my own whom I adore, but I would never have any more of my own.

And the funny thing is that I am having a child for an infertile couple right now.

To each his own! lol

Answer 15

i dont like kids that much either but i think you were a bit harsh with that woman and extreme in your thinking. having your own kids is totally different then being around other peoples kids and im sure you would feel differently about your own. dont forget, we all start out as kids.

Answer 16

i do not care for kidz too. so times people show me pictures and i cant tell them...boy that's a homely baby. I do not care to even see pics. They always want to know what u think of the picture? Like you said-precious. Yes they all are but we are human and tend to snap. I can not stand a baby screaming or even when they smell ripe and know how you feel. We need to use tact and just say "oh all baby's are precious but there just not my cup of tea"-give a firm look then smile.

Answer 17

Well I'm not childless but I can understand. I didn't have an appreciation for children until I had my own. Yes, you definitely crossed the line with her but if these people are your family or your friends or people you're going to see on a regular basis then you really should play along. They're all blinded by the magic that exists right after having a child.

There are so many annoying things about people that you have to deal with everyday that you're not going to make rude comments about, unless you're completely individualistic. Part of being human is being social and sometimes you've got to make compromises including your lack of interest in kids. You don't have to volunteer to babysit but jeez.. chill out. I have four kids and a fifth on the way and I don't particularly love to hold other people's kids but I do it. Other than that.. either only hang out with people who are childless or relax and play along.

Also its really not at all about your interest in children but your level of respect and empathy for another human being. Sure you may not understand what it's like to be a new mom but you can at least attempt to draw parallels to what its like to be overwhelmed with excitement. Like if someone just graduated college and wanted to show you their diploma. Sure it's just a piece of paper with no relation to you or your life but they're excited about it. How would you feel if something amazing happened in your life and you wanted to tell the world and they just looked at you with glazed over eyes and told you they could care less?

Answer 18

Why such disdain towards children? It's a bit on the obsessive side.  Your comments to your co-worker were out of line.  I can't believe you called her daughter a thing.  Do you hate g**s, blacks and jews as well?  Or does your bigotry end with just children?

ADD:  Not liking kids is not something you should "admit".  When you don't like a large group of people because of something they can't help- that's called bigotry.  You're being extremely ignorant.

Answer 19

i have child and i dont like it sure i love him but i could take it or leave it

Answer 20

I can't say I don't like children: I have one. But I get your point, I know people who don't ever want any, and who can't stand being near kids...

I think it's ok! It's your life, your choices!!!

Not everyone wants to be going all crazy over someone else's baby, or hold them, and I respect that.  I have some friends who are baby-crazy, and it's fun,really, since I have one... but, some can't stand the idea of having a baby who might burst into tears near them, and I respect that and when I go see them, it's without my little one!!!

For some unknown reason, people tend to believe ALL women want to have babies... far from that!!!

Answer 21

Well, I think the mom pushed and you fought back.  It turned out to be an ugly encounter, and yes, you would appear to everyone else to be the bad guy.  Their impression of you in this encounter has nothing to do with your dislike of children.  It has everything to do with how you handled the situation.  So maybe that's a learning point for you.  You are certainly entitled to your own feelings and beliefs.  But that never justifies rudeness or deliberately hurting someone else's feelings.  (I can say this because I have been there, done that, and I never feel good after!)  Try a little kindness.  Goes a very long way.

Answer 22

I don't hate kids, but I would rather not be in a close proximity to one, especially a baby. There are two kids I adore, they are my best friends' kids whom I've seen grow up before my eyes - and I love them dearly. But kids in general - not really, I'd rather not be around them. I totally understand how you feel about babies - I stay away from them, too, and I really dislike when someone tries to do what you describe in your question - i.e., tries to push something on you when you say "no thank you" (whether it comes to babies, dogs, religion or any other thing). Most people are pretty good about that, but occasionally you will have someone who, while well-meaning, may overstep the boundaries. I think, a part of social graces is learning to deal with such situations with dignity and composure. You don't need to take it personally - because it's not personal. When people are extremely happy (or extremely sad), they can get so caught up in their emotions that they fail to pick up on the subtle signs that others might give off. She was projecting her happiness onto others, and it's not that uncommon - it wasn't a personal attack; but you made it personal, and this is what the problem is - not whether or not you like children. Just repeating "no, thank you, not today" would have done the trick (I've done it many a time myself - it works).

Answer 23

I hate most adults, so I know how you feel!

By the way, my tubes were tied after having two wonderful sons....never hear of a doctor tying the tubes of anyone 25 or younger that didn't have any kids at all....that sounds strange to me....most doctors WILL NOT do that.....

Answer 24

There is nothing wrong with being civil; in fact, there is much to be said for it.

Answer 25

LOL- I love kids and want them but I HATE when people do that to you.  I don't like infants, I don't feel comfortable with new born babies and I don't like holding or touching them.  Yes, I want kids but I am always happy to hear about how "fast" they grow up.  I like toddlers and older children.  Sounds like you snapped, Just comment back you don't feel comfortable or like holding babies.... you didn't have to insult the child.  Also if anyone every ask you in the future- saying "oh, I don't feel comfortable, I dropped my nephew last time I held a baby!" Stops that.  I guarantee that no one will ask you to hold a kid again if you say your dropped one.  Yes, she was pushing it which is tacky, wrong and rude but two wrongs don't make a right.  I am telling you- just say you "drop" babies, that will solve it all.

Answer 26

I'm childfree by choice and 43 yrs old. I knew when I was in grade school that I didn't want kids. I never had that "One day when I'm a Mommy" attitude or gene. When I played with my dolls, they went in the closet when I was done...they didn't get put to bed like they were real babies.

I don't dislike kids, but have never wanted any of my own, and prefer not to be around them. Like you, I've no desire to hold anyone's baby or make a fuss over kids. I realize we were kids once, and kids are necessary for our species to survive, and I've met a few really kewl kids over the years...but I vastly prefer adult interaction and fun times that don't include anyone under the age of 18.

Some people just aren't "kid people" and that's fine. As long as behavior is appropriate around kids and not unkind, it's all good.  

Answer 27

You're entitled to your opinion, and, no, she didn't push it.  She just wanted to share something that she thinks is wonderful with you. You were offensive.

You must have found it difficult to stand yourself as a child.  

Answer 28

lol..   don't fight it so much.. children aren't so bad..   just wait till you are in your 30's... you have a change of mind for sure..  but your young anyway.. so be blessed you have no kids .. and hope and prey that when you want them.. you body can produce.  

Answer 29

It's cool that you don't like kids but dang, that's pretty rude.  Why couldn't you just say you're not big on kids?  You didn't have to be an a$$ about it.

Answer 30

My husband and I married for 9 years and we decided not to have kids. We enjoy our life having our own hobbies, freedom and devoted to our own business. We will never be ready to take the big responsiblity of having our own kids.  Take is easy, your co-worker was a bit pushy, and you just a bit over reacted.  

Answer 31

Child free by choice, but I love kids... taught school, tutor privately in math when I want,  teach kids to ride horses, yadyayhayadya.  As well, I love elephants, and cheetah, and leopards... but I never wanted any of them to be mine, or live with me..Never wanted to be responsible for one, nor to take care of one.  Everything from diapers to having to buy them insurance when they would be learning to drive, just wasn't what I wanted...  Have never been sorry.... not for one nanosecond, and our childless friends as well, state that they were never, never sorry.....Some people like kids, some don't...

And most are less excited about parenting than you would guess!!!!!  

(What do you say when you have three...."Oh, god, I wish I didn't have these kids?????"  yeah, sure.  Most of my friends' kids are now grown, and many confess, with no prompting..., "It just wasn't worth it... you've traveled all over the world,  symphony and ballet tickets every season, the full season, read any time you wish, speak several languages, and money is no problem.  We did nothing but scrimp and save, and still can't retire.'  

Hon, I'm 57, and retired at 48 !!!!!!   At 57, still look 40 !!

And no, I never have an off week.