Any comments about a re-post with some minor revisions?

Question

Ushered to crisp linen-backed folding chairs

reserved just for family, front row seats,

emptied hangar now filled not with planes

but men in uniform at attention to my fore,

flags standing tall in a line behind them.

Rehearsed Navy band to the side patiently waits

for traditional pomp and circumstance to commence

this military ceremony honoring their station's

beloved Commanding Officer, my father.

We sit so straight as trained to do, feeling warm

eyes burning into the backs of our necks,

my own still burning from last night's shame.

"You represent me and will be watched by the crowd,

remember that and behave accordingly," he warned.

The Captain smartly strides his way to the stage in full

dress whites as per proclaimed uniform of the day,

shoulders squared, head erect, his cover starched, placed

with visor exactly parallel and two inches above brows.

He begins his speech full of praise for his troops,

politically correct in noting not his own importance.

Chest weighted down, multiple rows of colorful

medals betray his futile attempts at humility.

Sharp salutes exchanged in respect as yet another

award presentation concludes for this highly admired man,

this man who just the night before yet again showed at my

door, who ordered me to his bed and did things to this nine

year old for which I'm quite sure no medals are earned.

Answer 1

Ummm Ma. That was impressive and down to the core. That last paragraph sunk into me like a knife sticking in my gut. OMG what to say, but just to say what has happened to you left a scar more deeper than if you were shot in the front lines of war.It was more horrible for you than me. I was never abused that way. But i am sure you had years of silence and it fested within you. Till one day it had to explode. You my dear need a special medal for your bravery. He may be buried and now i think its time to bury those memories in the grave as well.  

Answer 2

I truly enjoyed it. Interesting because I recently went to my friend's fathers funeral where they did the whole army ceremony stuff and it left me feeling kind of empty. It just seemed very fake, for lack of a better word. But that's besides the point.

I really do love this.

Answer 3

It reads beautifully, flowing through the stanzas towards the inevitable.

Answer 4

This is an excellent poem! Welcome to the site. Please post more.

Answer 5

I felt that the changes were unnecessary -it read just as well the first time. A good poem, a tragic story.

Answer 6

great  exprssivness..  and  very  well  written..   thanks  for  sharing!!

Answer 7

Stars and hugs to you ma. Well done !

Answer 8

The appearances and the reality are so stark! I salute you.  We often live with so many secrets, so many family lies.  It's a wonder we survive.  But as we hold the truth in our hearts, we are not the damaged ones, and the day will dawn that those responsible will be held accountable.

Answer 9

This is great ma...thank you for sharing and don't stop writing.  You have talent.  Love honey

Answer 10

Wow! It's called the "butter slam" method, writing a pleasant story then hitting the reader with a lump of wood at the end.

"Aww and shock" may be another term for it. Much respect Ma, for how far you have come and your guts to tell the story.  

Answer 11

Effectual and sharp.

The poet's dagger hits the mark.

Answer 12

And the hammer drops... My Dear..I write some thick stuff.. This should be sealed forever...From a 10 year old boy that understands so well. Take my heart to this fragile child, be she fictitious or real. I will proudly rip it out and replace the one destroyed. Peace,R

Answer 13

This is totally devastating, and if a true story horrifying.  I echo Hydropro's response...

Answer 14

This is a sad poem that belies great pain and is another of the great poems I've read since I've started on here. Keep up the good work.

Answer 15

A wonderful read that brought me to an ending I feared was coming. Captured so well, beautifully written-

Answer 16

This is a prize-winning poem.  I've not seen any previous versions.

What else can I say?.....it is perfect.  I just hope that it is not true, but if it is....it is wonderful how the human spirit can rise above the dark side of life.

You are an amazing writer (and person)

Answer 17

gosh ma.  You expect me to learn that in one month?