Question:

Any comments on this poem I wrote?

by  |  earlier

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Take a moment and

Let me try to salvage a little insight

From your gentle mind

Because drifters are always concise

In their indescion

A mind full

Of realizations one has

At 3 AM on HWY 395

He said she was too much of a project

So she split.

We live in shady times

Where women must obey

Their natural instincts

But look like a plastic image

Of society's doll

She split

And all he has to remember her by

Is a stunning polaroid

Of her in a off-brand t-shirt

And drugstore magenta lips

So she split

And all he can look at

Every night is the way

Her eyes were filled

With

Fire, pain, indescion, and a little rage

Like a free animal

That is better caged

Drifting

Is full of everything

She couldn't get in a small town

Full of gentle dreams

Where a husband and two kids

One boy,one girl

Is ok.

But she wasn't ok with that

So she split

She didn't want to be the shirt marked down

On the clearance rack

That you kept checking back for

And finally purchased when it was cheap enough

She wanted to be final sale

She wanted you to invest your

Money, time, and maybe your heart.

But in materialistic America

People get rid of their valuables

To get something better.

So she split.

Now she's driving down

The highway

Wind in her choppy hair

And blank vintage inspired sunglasses

Because a name-brand society

Just isn't her thing

She didn't want to obey

The antique man

He told her not to split

So she split

And flipped the script on him

"Don't tell me what to do

I don't have to obey you"

She's driving down a highway

Towards tremendous dreams

Without dead weight

She's going to succeed

By any means necessary

Small towns are a trigger

For girls ticking like a time bomb

Just waiting to explode

She was the grenade girl

That ran away

After taking the pin out

And throwing it behind her back

On your favorite Blvd.

Because baby's outta here

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3 ANSWERS


  1. uh.. just a comment. try to put some rhyming words, and if possible, try to make it in four lines per stanza. also the lines should have same syllabication. it may give your poem a nice look. that's only my opinion. i hope it will help. i'm not a poet but i love to write poems. it's just my opinion...


  2. I really liked it. I wish I could write better poetry xD

  3. wow.....

    just yeah....

    wow...

    good stuff man, really good.

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