Any doctors , I want to be a doctor but.....?

Question

Ok I want to be a doctor. I'm thinking general pratice. I was wondering though, I'm married with a child. Can I still have a life with my family as an intern/resident ? do you ever get time off ? what is it like after your residency ? do you get more time off ? what is a typical weeks schedule for a intern/resident ? I really want to be a doc. but i'm also afraid it will ruin my marriage.

Answer 1

I'm not a doctor but I can give you a little insight.  First, your wife should share your dreams, and not be so closed minded, as with a little patience on her part, will pay off in the long run.  Second.....you'll spend long hours in your clinical settings, you'll spend many days away from your family, but it is not forever.  There is no telling what the schedule is for your internship, that would be up to your preceptor.  I say go for it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

It is possible to go to medical school and still maintain a family life with your spouse and child. It will require a very deep, mutual understanding between your spouse and child that you will have to devote time to studying and working.

The questions you are currently asking are basically post-graduate questions and is kind of jumping the gun. Medical school is a not an easy hurdle, particularly for those who have spouses and children. Before answering those questions, what you really need to think about is: Are you prepared to handle lots of studying and being in class most of the day while balancing the needs of your family? Is your spouse prepared to be fully supportive mentally and physically? Being a medical student is stressful enough, adding family to the equation naturally places more stress. It will definitely put your marriage to the test.

Being a medical student, I have seen mixed results on how marriages last throughout the process. A good friend and former classmate of mine who was married, had to move away from his wife to go to med school. A year into the program, his wife asked for a divorce because of the time he had to spend studying and the time he was not spending with her. He ended up failing out shortly after.

There was a single mother who was in my class. She initially brought her child with her and was able to make arrangements for child care for a while. Unfortunately, midway through the second year she had asked her mother to come and take her son back.

Another friend and classmate of mine who has twins has managed to keep things together between his wife and himself. He came to med school bringing his wife and children with him. He says that it is not as difficult for the first 2 years of medical school as long as you can schedule yourself, stick to it, and work efficiently. As you start the 3rd year, you begin to rotate through the hospitals and will have hours like interns. He finds spending time with the family to be difficult and personal time to be sparse. He says that his wife still remains supportive of him, but feels guilty sometimes about not being there. Unfortunately, he says you must learn to separate the family and school, because he finds that if you bring the med school work home, you bring the stress that accompanies it home which can be volatile. On the time that he is not studying or sleeping, he tries his best to maximize time with family.

Interns and residents have a more demanding schedule than the medical student. Interns in particular, have the worst schedule as they tend to be overworked in the hospital and do most of the grunt work. One of my friends who is currently doing an internship in internal medicine for a year has the hours of 6AM to 8PM. She gets 1 day off a week, which is what hospitals are legally bound to give you. As you progress through residency, the hours improve slightly. Residency programs generally last 4 years.

After residency, your hours will be much more normal unless you decide to pursue a fellowship.

Basically put, if your marriage can survive years 3-4 of medical school, it should be able to handle internship and residency. However, you must ask yourself whether or not you are willing to put your marriage to the test to pursue your dream of becoming a doctor.

I guess I am also overlooking something important, getting into medical school. While the demands are not a awful as being in medical school, it does require some focused studying time. The MCAT, the standardized test you must take before applying to medical school, is not easy. Generally people take a prep course for the test which does take some time. Also, you will need to do things like volunteer at hospitals, shadow doctors, and community service to round out your character and make you more appealing to the admissions committee. A bachelor of arts or science degree is a must, and you must have completed 1 years worth of physics, chemistry, organic chemistry, biology, and english as pre-med requirements. Good grades in these classes are a must.

Also, medical school is expensive even with scholarships. The average medical student finishes with a debt around $125-250K.

Look, I'm not trying to discourage you, but you must know that the road to becoming a doctor is very demanding upon yourself and as well your relationships, whether is a marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, or parental. I've seen good and bad happen to people's relationships during the course of medical school. It is by no means easy and there is no specific, set way to maintain a healthy relationship. You must deeply reflect just how determined you are to become a doctor.

If you are confident in yourself and have developed a very good understanding with your family about what you are about to pursue, then by all means go for it. Otherwise, there are plenty of other medical careers that do not have as heavy of a burden on relationships and are still equally respectable and rewarding.