Any former loners out there?

Question

Will someone tell me it's going to be alright? I'm in college away from home and I don't know anyone. I don't really talk to anyone, either. Does it get better? Socializing feels really awkward to me, and I know I come off as a weirdo. Does it get better? I don't know if I'll ever form another relationship with a guy. Is there anyone out there who either made peace with being a loner (or in my case, a loser, as I'm not entirely choosing to be alone) and/or somehow broke free even after your freshmen year of college? Thanks.

Answer 1

If you decide to continue in the same path, then the answer is no. Keep in mind that the punishment given to the worst people in this world is solitary confinement. You may think that you are your own worst enemy right now but it does not have to be this way, however, you need practice.

As a former angry loner, the simple answer is that its not going to be easy. You need to get out there and expose yourself at an intellectual level. The fact is that you will make awkward mistakes that will make you angry at yourself for doing them. The important thing is that you realize that you do it to yourself, recognize the problem (try too hard, over eagerness, immaturity) and try to not repeat the same mistakes again. Here are some suggestions.

Step 1. Put in the effort to become very knowledgeable about a few subject that interests a lot of people. It can be football, politics, jokes, energy policy or your favorite show. If you narrow it to one, you become very boring very soon. Like in boxing, you got to mix it up a little.

Step 2. Find a group of people that like your interests and have a regular schedule. Internet chatting is not real social communication. You do not know how you are going to react until you are in a "live" environment. George Foreman would say that "everybody has a plan until you get hit." Actively look, do not leave it to fate.

Step 3. Pace yourself and give yourself various alternatives, you may not succeed the first time but you will learn from it.

Step 4. Don't be a deuschebag. Don't talk down to people, do not hold contempt for other's opinions, learn to control your emotions and don't try to pass yourself as something that you are not. Keep it honest and people will trust you more.

Step 5. In communications, don't assume that the other person knows what the h**l you are thinking - no matter how obvious it is to you. Lay it out in a way that is easy to understand (5th grade level), the other person will let you know if you are going too slow or too fast.

Try these things and gut it out, you will be happier for it. Pretty soon, these things will come to you. One more thing, when people think they know you they will have their mind made up about you until someone tells them differently. Usually, this happens very quickly - it could be just the way you dress. Change your environment as much as possible, expand your world. Do not keep going back to the same people who won't talk to you and try to change their attitude.

Keep it positive and good luck.

Answer 2

I guess some people consider(ed) me a loner, but I came to terms with my introversion a long time ago. Though I like to spend a lot of time to myself, I also understand that I like and need the company of others.

Socializing doesn't get any easier without trying. It is something that you are going to have to actively practice. That doesn't mean you have to get involved with situations that make you extremely uncomfortable but you will have to come out of your comfort zone some, and the more you do it the more confidence you'll build and socializing will become easier.  I was someone who had the same friends most of my life coming into college so when I went away to college I had to overcome my social awkwardness and the culture shock I experienced. I made small talk with people in my classes, when to social functions that I thought would be interesting, and joined programs that were applicable to my major. Eventually, I made friends that lasted throughout my college years and beyond. I know it's hard but no one can tell you it'll be ok unless you make it so.

You may feel like a loser but people aren't really all that special. You have to believe that there is nothing inherently better about the next person. They are simple people who also have flaws and weird things about them as well. If you feel as if you are a loser, then people will probably treat you as such.

Answer 3

Well, a lot of times when i'm in a social situation and i don't know people, i keep quiet for a little while and observe others. once you figure out how they roll, its easier to talk to them and make friends.

Answer 4

Honestly, it takes practice and a good effort. Maybe you aren't really trying to meet people and possibly even being stand-offish and unapproachable without realizing it. To avoid this, make eye contact and smile a lot. An easy way for me to start a conversation with a person in class is by asking them a question regarding classes or the subject matter. You then take it from there and try to make the conversation less generic. Don't be afraid to ask more personal questions, like what they are interested in and where they hang out on the weekends or if they would like to get together for a study group.  I have experienced difficulty in this area myself so I know what you're going through. Over time, it does become easier.

God Bless